I, just wanna stop feeling anything. Never had friends but I could live with that, but I just want someone to embrace, someone that feels something for me, even if doesn’t last. Better than 0 for the rest of my life. This situation is slowly killing me.
The only thing that gives me some relief is gaming… (I read the post of like a week ago here that several dudes met their partner thanks to a videogame and I felt even sadder, why that wasn’t me? I’ve been gaming for 30 years now).
I don’t think OP is actually interested in making their life better, but for anyone else who saw the post and was like “oh that’s me” there are good answers in the other replies.
Nothing I’m going to write is especially original.
First off, you probably need to be somewhere where there are people. Cities are great. Nowhere, Nebraska is going to make things harder. If you’re out in the country you’re probably going to need to move or commute. There may still be local stuff happening, but with fewer people there’s probably less of it.
But once you find where people hang out, you can probably find a meetup or similar, and go.
There was a board game meetup I went to before the pandemic that had regulars and new people every month. Good way of making friends. I don’t like board games that much, but it was still fun.
There’s a bar near me that runs events from mixers to movie nights to kink stuff. I’ve gone to the mixers and made a handful of friends and acquaintances.
The local library by me does stuff. Lessons, talks, I think they might have book discussion groups.
Stop making excuses. Sitting there going “I don’t like bars. I don’t like board games. The library is too far away. The city is too loud” isn’t helping. You can make excuses for anything to justify not changing, but then you won’t change! You’ll stay just as you are, with opportunities slipping away. No manic pixie dream girl is coming for you. The would-be friend you could make is at the movie night chatting with someone who actually showed up, even though he doesn’t like the genre that much.
If some of the problems are actual blockers, like “I live deep in the suburbs with no public transit and no car”, then cool: that’s your first problem to solve. You’re not really going to get anywhere (no pun intended) without addressing that.
You sound depressed. It’s a dark place, like a deep sinkhole, that you might not be able to climb out of by yourself. Seek help. You can get antidepressants that will lift some of the weight and sadness. With them, you’ll be able to take a breath, go outside and socialize. You’ll find the energy to actually meet people. It’s always better to start with friends (including women), a romantic relationship can come later. Once you’re able to get into a healthy routine, you might be able to get off the meds.
I will tell you that at least initially you shouldn’t be looking for a partner/SO. Just try finding someone (online or real life) regardless of gender to do some activity that you both enjoy together. Don’t be a weirdo, creepy, edgy, simp, nice guy, that will help ya, but also look on how to have conversations, have some good sense of humour, and be an emotionally aware and empathetic person. Ask for and set expectations/boundaries. And try to enjoy what you’re both doing. And remember, love is not enough.
Friends also help with loneliness.
Don’t skip friends. Romantic relationships are friendships+ with the difficulty level dialed up by x10. If someone can’t build and keep friends, a romantic relationship is likely to be bad and will fix nothing.
If you literally just want a hug and don’t currently have someone in your life to do that with, paying is an option. Friends can also give hugs.
I don’t really know.
I’ve made some bad experiences in school when the general narrative was “men are all bad people” so I distanced myself from anyone. But that’s a stupid way of society.
Men are not all bad people. You need to look at the person individually. Go out and have some self-confidence. Ask yourself: how would you see yourself? What if you encountered yourself, how would you react? I think answering these questions helps you to find a path in life that works better for you.
Hope that I could help you.
This guy shows up weekly. His accounts keep getting banned. He posts things like this, and then tells everyone trying to offer real advice that it all doesn’t work for him. It’s attention seeking and he doesn’t actually want help. This is basically a troll post.
Why did you post this? It seems like, given your responses here, that you largely don’t want to change anything about yourself or your situation.
That’s the neat part, I don’t.
Work on meeting your own needs, inner and outer. Strangely, when you are whole within yourself (I’m not talking about rich, good looking, live in a certain area and drive a certain car, I’m talking about addressing things within your means and loving you, for who you are, inside out, taking care of yourself, parenting yourself --healthiest foods you can acquire on your budget, regular mental and physical hygeine, spiritual if that applies to you, a running gratitude list regardless, so you focus on the positive, even if small), you glow, and people are attracted to positivity.
Along with all the great answers being supplied about what to do to be out there in the world, what you are proposing can’t be overstated; I would make explicit in that to take an ongoing frank look at how you show up in life
Idk about OP here, but with so many similar posts I notice, for instance, people who basically blame others, or wallow in a woe is me attitude, all the while putting down any suggestions floated their way. We are the common denominator in our own lives. Learning to be honest about our role in things is crucial
Yes. Sure; and most are too shell -shocked to accept that, at first. I certainly was, at least. In my personal opinion, most of us need a little nurturing and time to allow spiritual bones to knit back together a bit first, so the elementary work offers a brief respite from the hamster wheel until we become able to work through the 12th year coursework and get off the wheel. I guess post secondary learns how to stay off the wheel for extended periods, and post grad is a whole other wheel we choose, for self-development in appropriate levels for appropriate times.
There a balance between being gentle and mollycoddling, and each individual and circumstance dictate that balance. And as always, “new levels, new devil’s.” Ourselves being the first, middle, last pit boss, always. We just use others as mirrors and kid ourselves about it, sometimes, for funnies and development, in equal measure. The really neat trick for me, is learning how to STAY PRESENT, in the present moment, especially when it’s painful, because that’s where I’ll find the most answers, doing the homework. In the end, that’s justice, and the difference between karma and dharma has just as often seemed to be in millimeters, as often, if not more often, than light years.
I’m not one of those people who cares about wealth, good looks, etc. I’m just genuinely someone who is on her own a lot, more socially than in terms of coupling. For a few reasons, I am a fish out of water in my area, which is to me what Rock Bottom was to Spongebob. I can’t expand on the few unreachable freebie friends I have so as long as I score a zero in conversationalism and so as long as neither school or work has helped in this regard. The most interaction I get a day is with my pup, and I barely speak a dozen or so sentences a day. On top of all that, almost everyone wants me to be their GF/mate/whatever, leading to the added precaution of socialization traps, not least since I have an awkwardly low drive or physical focus, and I’m talking mostly about people who won’t take no for an answer. I’ve only ever fully (as opposed to interpretively incompletely) obliged once, and despite us still being close, that’s a part of how I ever knew the difference in the first place.
My darling, it sounds as if you have very low self esteem. That’s a learned belief, and a survival mechanism. How accessible is therapy to you? Better if good therapy is available, but that’s pricey where I live. I can’t give you a hug irl; please wrap your arms around yourself and know, just know, that’s a long, firm cyber hug from me. Best best best to you, and I’ve to begin another level of study on my vocational path and it is intense. So if I don’t reply for some days, just know my time is so very scant and I will reply as I can.
After reading your replies, I think my answer to your “how do you deal with loneliness?” is: you don’t. You don’t sound like you’re willing to do literally anything other than complain. You sound like you want a women to fuck you but don’t want to bring anything to the table. Not one ioda of effort spent on another living creature.
I think the people that met their partners playing video games have more to offer than just playing video games once they actually meet. They are probably nice people who make some amount of effort to be with someone.
My advice: find a sex worker, if scrounging up a few hundred dollars and driving isn’t too much effort for you.
Sorry if this is harsh, but Jesus Christ man, you have a pathetic mentality. Sometimes you have to do something else other than playing video games as a grown ass adult. Being lonely sucks, and I feel for your situation, but you gotta actually do something about it.
You’re right, you’re rude and uncalled for
People have met their partner in a video game? I don’t know dude… Don’t count on that chance of happening.
Anyway, stop focusing on not trying to be lonely. It will only make you more lonely.
Yeah, maybe they were lying or something, but it still bummed me out. It was a post here from last week
Hobby groups. Be it hiking, book clubs, dog activities, wood carving, painting, electronics, photography, amateur radio, stargazing, coffee tasting… Anything really. As long as it gets you out of the house regularly.
Have a look around meetup.com and see what your city has to offer. Join a few different ones, don’t just give up because you didn’t like the first one.
And also don’t be the one who introduces themselves as someone who came because you’re lonely. That gives of a desperate vibe that can set people on edge.
I agree. If you’re not looking for hobbies (plural) that are fun just for the sake of fun (not meeting people) - then you’re short changing yourself in many levels. When you’re passionate about a hobby, it’s almost impossible not to make friends. When you make friends, you’ll meet their friends, and with all those people - your chances of finding something more than friends increases.
Video games can be very social IRL, but it’s not the norm in my experience. Some suggestions: Go to a gun range, archery range, axe throwing, anything target based and show up for a public shooting day. Those people (myself included) LOVE people who are new to the sport and they’ll let you use all their equipment and show you how to do it. Pick up a pool cue and start practicing by yourself at a pool hall. You’ll become a regular and again people love to show you the ropes with that sport. Join a fishing club - it’s not just old men who do that (although there’s plenty of them) but before you know it you’re going on other people’s boats and whatnot. Mountain biking - requires more cash to get going as you need a bike - but those people are animals and are always looking for people to go on a ride with. Get involved with your local library and book clubs if you like to read. Again more expensive- but golf. Lots of people who love to golf - if you go alone, you’ll usually get paired up with and find others to golf with. You get the idea, pick up an instrument, rc cars or planes, habitat for humanity - there are endless things to do and you’ll soon be looking forward to your alone time ;)
I’m not passionate about anything unfortunately. I only like videogames. Anything gun related is basically illegal or complicated here and you need lots of money also a person like me shouldn’t be close to guns. And I live in the middle of nowhere, to do high school, the teens need to go to another city, just think about that.
Ya I mean it’s hard to meet people if they aren’t around. I don’t know what “the middle of nowhere means”. Some people really do live where there just aren’t people around. But lots of people use that phrase when places of gathering are half an hour or maybe an hour away. I’d suggest it’s still worth the drive if you can figure that out.
I was suggesting targeting type things, not necessarily just guns - because they tend to have low barriers of entry. Pool, bowling, archery, darts, etc. They also tend to have social components as well (happens in a bar for example, or there’s a club house/place where people meet). Leads to other things. Sports are also great - even if you’re not athletic and bad at sports. Especially the “weird” sports - you may find something non traditional that you’re good at, and usually people are super happy just to have anyone who wants to participate.
Just things to think about - that’s all. Find out what people near you do. There’s gotta be something. Then go try it even if it doesn’t sound like your thing. You may like it, you may not. Keep doing that and sooner or later you will find something to be passionate about.
Meeting people - romantic or otherwise - is a result of you engaging with people and enjoying the thing/hobby/whatever you’re doing together. People who share common things gravitate toward each other personally. That’s just the way it works - embrace it my friend! Go have some fun! ;)
Sorry that this isn’t helpful, but for many years it was alcohol.
Yeah, same, and seems like a temporary solution but I’m trying to stop being overweight.
Since your hobby is gaming have you tried LAN events? If there are some you can go to, even afford to fly to, you can make friends IRL and keep them when you go back home. You know you have one thing in common with your potential new friends!
Or join Discord groups! Join more social games like MMORPGs? I don’t game anymore but think of my gaming friends fondly as I got to know many over the years and find out things about them in and out of games :)
There’s none. Majority of adults here don’t play videogames. And discord is a mess, too complicated to use and you need to already to know people to make it work, also nobody here use it. People here only use Instagram or WhatsApp and I don’t see the point of following people at the other side of the world
Go outside and stop wasting your life away playing videogames. It won’t help you. If you need suggestions on where to go, try finding a Church.
