I, just wanna stop feeling anything. Never had friends but I could live with that, but I just want someone to embrace, someone that feels something for me, even if doesn’t last. Better than 0 for the rest of my life. This situation is slowly killing me.
The only thing that gives me some relief is gaming… (I read the post of like a week ago here that several dudes met their partner thanks to a videogame and I felt even sadder, why that wasn’t me? I’ve been gaming for 30 years now).
You sound depressed. It’s a dark place, like a deep sinkhole, that you might not be able to climb out of by yourself. Seek help. You can get antidepressants that will lift some of the weight and sadness. With them, you’ll be able to take a breath, go outside and socialize. You’ll find the energy to actually meet people. It’s always better to start with friends (including women), a romantic relationship can come later. Once you’re able to get into a healthy routine, you might be able to get off the meds.