I come here.

You may notice I’m here a lot.

It’s going to sound dismissive, but I don’t go to others. I’ve found in my times of feeling the most alone, the only thing that allowed me to feel different was introspection.

I do absolutely understand the primal desire to be around others for support, but self-sufficiency and finding satisfaction without the help of others was my only way forward.

It wasn’t so much that I needed to change or that I was doing something wrong, but I forced myself to focus on those feelings and try to understand where they were coming from and learned that other things in my life gave me that satisfaction. For me, I make art when I’m feeling the most alone because it allows me to express that feeling.

Another thing that may come across as harsh is that you’re the only one in charge of your own happiness. If you feel like none of your friends are supporting you, it’s up to you to go out and find new people to fill their space.

Friends that are only there for you when you’re feeling good are not friends.

that’s also something I won’t get over.

Not when you keep repeating that to yourself. Shit sucks, shit will suck for a while, but shit won’t suck forever. It is okay to grief and be sad about good things. But life has to go on. Do things, meet people, force yourself to do it.

It will get better, period. Right now, it feels like it won’t. But you are already reaching out here, that is working on getting better. Keep doing it, and in the meantime, head up, chest out, carry on.

In the US, 988 has a warm line. They get a bad rap but if you call, wait and ask for the warm line during the day, they will call back within 48 to 72 hours to talk about anything for a half hour. For when you are not in a crisis, but still need to talk. If you ever are, look up crisis numbers in your area.

Do you have a hobby that you might be interested in that involves meeting up with others? I know for a fact that more than a few good friendships started this way.

that’s also something I won’t get over

This is a tell tale sign of depression; the feeling that there is no “better” ahead. I could tell you there is but it might be hard to believe.

In my situation, I have a person by my side always who I trust completely. So I have somebody to help keep my head and memory clear… and I still get depressed sometimes. Hang in there.

That’s the neat part, no one.
But hey, you’re not alone being alone. (Sorry, I kinda like that sentence)

I either talk to my partner, therapist, or ask online :)

I don’t go anywhere and it’s probably killing me slowly thru vices. I don’t see a better option tho.

Find a therapist. Online therapy can be affordable and accessible.

Here to add that this is my problem too, and I have a therapist… that I talk to by phone once every 2-3 weeks (Here in the states psychotherapy openings are impacted so anyone who doesn’t have super-good insurance is on the wayside) and she’s more of a CBT coach.

I’m trying to figure out why anyone is alarmed that I want to head to the check-out lane, given our society elected the party that regards us all as expendable, and very much wants there to be fewer Americans and more elbow room for the MAGAs.

As I’m likely to be elevated on the list of priority persons to get the CECOT treatment, I still need to arrange for a rapid exit strategy for when ICE stormtroopers blast down my apartment door. Kennedy Jr. has some serious beef with us ASD folk, and as someone who is on a fixed income (though I’ve had jobs and even have written poetry) am exactly the sort that he wants to purge.

For the moment, I am currently living for a cat and a dog. I regard them as persons and can’t trust anyone else to. And so am very reluctant to re-home them until I cannot support them any longer. I might be living so as to not traumatize my wife (we’re separated) but lately I seem to be more of an obligation and a burden. It didn’t help she went to a family Easter event to which I was uninvited. I spent the day alone.

What I don’t understand is why elected officials claim that people like me are a burden to the state are distressed by the notion that we might want to self-dispose (This is, or rather was, my only country, my only society) Indeed, the US suicide rate has soared since the Trump era began in 2016. We’re higher than Japan now, and gaining on Russia.

I don’t think it’s that anyone actually cares about me, I’m an abomination, like The Outsider in HP Lovecraft’s story of the same name. They just don’t want to process the cadaver and meager legacy I would leave.

Anyway, I go off and on suicide watch, but in these times, we’re all expendable, and sooner or later going to be removed from the new MAGA society to be stuffed into a megaprison gulag. I’ve been told by 77 million American voters they don’t want me around. I don’t understand the drama if I immolate myself in front of a state building. Is this not what they want?

PS: Wife and family are considering giving me ECT, the same stuff that Hemmingway and David Foster Wallace tried before they decided it didn’t work.

No where. There’s only so many times I can be ignored and be okay with it, or have my hand slapped when I reach out.

I usually blast my grievances to the greater fediverse. Some passerby may read my woes and wipe a tear.

Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to

Don’t feel sorry.

Have you considered writing in a journal? I started as a little boy myself (now well into my 50s) and it helped me tremendously all my life and still does to this day.

As a child, I could certainly not speak with my dad or my mom despite or because of the things that happened to me. Even ignoring my family, a lot of my thoughts I simply could not share them with my best friend as he would not have understood most of it. Writing in my journal, discussing with myself in my journal, was my way of dealing with that absolute loneliness (after I quickly learned to make said journal unreadable to my inquisitorial mother that would quickly find it and read it no matter how hard I tried to hide it)

I think many of us have been here before. The first thing to realize is that… you aren’t the first and won’t be the last. I’m sorry you’ve had trouble in life. I’m having trouble now too, but different… and feel there’s nobody I can really talk to about it. I have friends who are also having trouble and while we talk, the reality is that all my good wishes and time to time help doesn’t solve their problems either. In the end it’s up to them.

“Life is a struggle” isn’t just an axiom.

The first thing any lonely person can do is really learn to love spending time with themselves. It involves a lot of soul searching, exploring, learning what things in life interest them enough to explore on their own. When you accomplish that, take what you’re interested in and go find other people who are interested in it. Two people in the world who might be meant for each other, but just stay at home because they don’t want to get out there… will never ever meet.

Life is work. Friends are work. Relationships are work. If you just want to be happy alone and by yourself, guess what? Work.

This is a crossroads in your life, where you get to decide which way to go. It may seem overwhelming, but in the end it starts with one simple thing. What thing in the world makes you happy? If that’s nothing, then start with, what thing in the world makes you less sad?

Every house has a foundation. Time to build yours.