You must log in or register to comment.
That I’m a man and that must mean I want solutions to my problems instead of my feelings being validated.
The amount of time I spend trying to get people to simply validate my feelings is maddening.
I’ve heard it said “women don’t want solutions, they want their feelings validated.” Such a stupid unnecessarily gendered thing. Everyone wants their feelings validated.
But no, everyone proffers solutions or excuses as to why I shouldn’t feel that way. Makes me feel like I’m going crazy.
Have you tried talking to them about that?
Yes, I have. Endlessly. It always results in anything but actually validating my feelings. I know I’m not out of line because two separate therapists have confirmed I’m really not asking for much and if I’m taking the time to politely communicate it (especially over and over), it’s the other party who has an issue.
I was trying to rankle you :(
You didn’t. 😀 No worries
Guess I’ll have to try harder next time.
I love that you unironically offered a solution.
I did it ironically, but even more ironically, OP didn’t take it ironically.
Can you give an example?
I’d really rather not go into my personal shit between me and my family on the internet, thanks.
I’m chronically ill. My ability waxes and wanes. When folks see me out doing something challenging, they tend to assume I’m just fine and must be some shiftless malingerer. Rather than understanding I’ve sunk a lot of time and preparation into trying to be ok for that occasion.
Oh man, as someone with a fairly mild and easily treatable cancer who is constantly fatigued I feel the hell out of this.
What are you chronically ill with?
I have a neuromuscular demyelinating disorder called CIDP. And some other health complications including getting COVID induced pulmonary embolisms and being on a blood thinner that has interfered with my normal regimen of managing CIDP.
Something that I believe a lot of people around me misunderstand, is the fact that I hate “people,” but also want to be connected, share moments, create moments, create things with them, and outlive the biggest assholes of the world.
I hate people who have made life for those they will never meet, worse than ever. I hate those who can’t seem to wrap their heads around the idea that no one wants to be owned in any way. I hate those who didn’t pause to put themselves in someone else’s circumstances and realize the negative effects they can have on them; and ultimately, change their course of action accordingly. I hate those who live their lives for the sake of obtaining more and more money, commodities, wealth, or power over others. The list of reasons goes on, but my time to extend it does not.
Bravo, this is a huge one. Deep down I love people. Connection to others is the only real reason for living.
But there’s a massive swathe of people in the world that make me depressed about literally everything because they’re so callous and heartless.
When it comes to the “hate”, is it “misanthropic” or “social-pressure-based” or something else?
Seeing a lot of how people inclinationally are by default gives me a small bit of relatability for the first one.
My dialect is confusing to some people. I was speaking to a Californian friend over Discord and I pronounce the word “Southern” in a way that she didn’t realize what word I was saying until I clarified that to her, and she was like “yeah, that’s definitely a different way of saying it”. Another word that trips some people up is “decals”!
I have a similar issue but it comes from a childhood of heavy reading but not understanding how dictionary pronunciations worked. So I ended up making a lot of mistakes on how certain words I read were pronounced. My parents were not well read people and they didn’t use those kind of words in common speech. Color me shocked when I got to college and people would laugh at how I said words like “subsequently” which I would pronounce with emphasis on it being derived from “sequence” so I pronounced the second half of the word like the word sequence… which is not correct. I still mispronounce a lot of words like that regularly.
I had the same thing for a while when I was little, so I can relate hehe. I remember getting a dictionary for my birthday because I had a phase where I was into books. No worries!
Same. Not that I am particularly known for talkativeness (the term “selectively mute” is often used to describe me, which many here think is facade-ish because they don’t realize is more associated with anxiety than autism), but I have Pacific heritage and it shows in what amounts to a Kiwi accent. People either…
- Think I’m Australian
- Think I’m Scottish
- Think I’m a Star Wars fangirl (because some people say they have only heard it from Jango Fett)
- Think I’m faking my voice and that this is why it sounds like it does
- Know it’s a real voice and what dialect it is but think I’ve ever been to New Zealand
And then they will proceed to ask me to pronounce silly words for them.
Apparently “should” is not pronounced like “shit”.Based on someone’s instruction, I once tried a kind of voiceover tech for fixing communication, and that only blew up in its own way, people thinking it felt “ungenuine”.
Aw yeah New Zealand! I often have trouble telling Australian and New Zealand accents apart though, they sound really similar to me. Love Australian and Kiwi accents!
“Deckles” or “Dee-cals”. What’s your method? Dee-cals for me.
“Deckles” and it rhymes with “speckles”!
How do you pronounce “southern?”
South-ern, with the “sou” rhyming with “how”
Ew
I have the male equivalent of “resting bitch face”. Yet, I’m normally content and happy. And definitely willing to help people out. I mean, I’ve been taking care of people at the worst moments for my entire adult life.
I’ve always found it odd people assume like that. The words “I’m fine” isn’t always believed, but a face somehow brings the assumption home.
Ha, yes … in my personal bubble “I’m fine”. My brain just happens to be on fire about the Trump insanity.
Just hope the Feds don’t bust down our door for voting Dem across the board.
Trump seems like he’s on the path to do a lot of questionable things, but I doubt targeting people for voting Democrat is one of them. He would be after half of the nation, the half with the urban stronghold, and remember, Trump himself used to be a Democrat.
America is beyond fucked. Trump may not go away until he dies. Yes, I mean beyond his 4 year term. That’s a lot of time to grab the voting registry from each state and easily track Dem voters.
You may think that’s insane.
Yet, Nazis murdered 6+ million people.
Who knows how many might be murdered with modern tech to identify and capture the “enemy”.
I’m an open book. So the thing people misunderstand most often is that I mean everything I say.
Why would you say something you don’t mean?
Why I hate Fallout: New Vegas.
Stamets woke up and choice violence.
I ain’t gonna yuck someones yum. If you enjoy the game then dope. But I cannot fucking stand the thing and treat it about as radioactive as the wastelands or as Fallout 76. Again. Personally.
For sure, I just thought it was funny because sooooooo many people will go to great lengths to defend it as a perfect game.
It was fun (to me), but like all the modern Fallouts, overrated in a lot of ways.
I would have taken Van Buren any day, especially since New Vegas’ story is mildly a ripoff of Van Buren since they had already hashed out a lot of the story while they were still under Interplay.
I have a couple issues but overrated is definitely one of them. When I played it I expected it to be the best thing ever made and it was… fine. Like I had no real critical issues (other than the fact that everyone complains that Fallout 3 is green but no one complaints that NV is brown. Why?) but it didn’t catch my interest.
The reason why I cannot stand it is for the same reason so many people like it. Factions and conversation.
When I play a post-apocalyptic survival RPG game I like to actually be experiencing the survival aspect. Falllout 3 and 4 at least were filled with tons of wreckage and debris that you could sort through. Places where no people were. But it’s like every map marker you come across has some faction already set up there. Even if you do find an empty place it’s because the Legion were there 10 minutes ago and nailed everyone to a tree. Then you get to Vegas and the place is fully functional with the Hoover Dam and a functioning airfield nearby.
I want to walk through the wilderness. I wanna explore desolation. I wanna uncover mysteries of the long or freshly dead. To dive into places where no one else has been. Not have to do costume management so I get the right conversational bonus for the right chucklefuck.
If people like that, then awesome. All power to them and I’m glad you enjoyed it. But I fucking hated New Vegas with every fiber of my being.
I think its kinda the best game in its class. If you have a better FPS RPG with actual choices you can make in it I am all ears though.
My neighbours are Nazis.
How did you find out?
Someone posted it on the internet.
I remember it well, was last November 5.
I am fanatically polite, helpful, and very friendly in person and go out of my way to make people feel welcome and helped. My church friends and my patients absolutely love me, and I genuinely would give a kidney to most of them (well not every patient because some of them aren’t nice no matter what you do but I try to be very patient and hold space for what troubles them). I go out of my way to be generous in other ways despite the fact I have extremely little money, I’ll babysit your kids so you can go on a date, for example, and would never think of being paid. The kids at church adore me and I’m always sitting with a pig pile of them on top of me. People say I’m like a light in their lives. I genuinely want to do everything I can to make their day good, and I’m very funny and genuinely interested in other people.
But life at home is simply awful. My spouse is a violent manipulative narcissistic sociopath who I am only living with because he’s wrecked my finances and my ability to cope alone, and I cannot afford to leave, and I think he’d hurt me if I tried. My ability to cope comes out of amber bottles, if I didn’t have meds I’d be hospitalized and ripping the hair out of my head. My spouse only speaks to me about bare necessities. I have no control over money at all, I work two jobs, usually 12 hours a day save for Sundays but that’s still 8 hours, have almost no time to myself and he judges me for what I do to relax (which is reading, television, and church). Underneath it all I feel like a black hole because of what he has done to me, I’m not even scratching the surface here. I feel like five different people sometimes even though I have a very good sense of self, but I feel like I have to keep these parts of my life separated so I don’t emotionally bleed on anyone. I really don’t know what will happen to me.
I really hope you can open up to someone about your home life. Someone you can trust. I don’t know what faith you have, but maybe the pastor, preacher etc. could be a person of trust? I know that in my home country they are obligated to keep your confessions private under any circumstances. Or maybe there’s an institution for victims of domestic violence nearby? I know this may sound frightning at first or you might feel ashamed for one reason or another. But I hope you can take this step to get some outside help for your situation. You deserve to be safe. You deserve to be happy.
I suspect that people who don’t know me can’t guess my political bent. No one ever throws so much as a quip at me, yet I hear people comment to other strangers.
Middle-aged white guy, dresses redneck when I’m working or playing outside, yet kinda “hip”, long hair.
I mean “political bend” never came off as perfect if you ask me. Most people who are in a certain group will have at least a few things about it they think differently about. So I imagine asking about it will always be uniquely determining.
Im not having a bad time just because I dont talk all the time. So many people directly associate silence with sadness or loneliness.
Drug use (cannabis), chronic illness, what people think is my ego.
Can relate to all three of these.
Do you ever get that thing where you’re just really into a thing you’re discussing, and then another person says something incorrect, and because you’re aware of this tendency of people to confuse passion for ego, you try to suggest as softly as possible that it’s an understandable mistake to make (and then you have to try to get to the root of the issue which is like a few levels down in the deduction, sorry, abduction path), but they still get angry at you for having pointed it out, even when you did it just to further the actual discussion?
I don’t know, might be a niche thing. Might be I just am a dick. But I don’t know if dicks would consider if they’re dicks. But I might just be saying that because I’m a smart dick pretending to not be a dick. I don’t think I am, though, but maybe I’m lying to myself.
Yeah, I get that sometimes. And very strongly when I do. More than once I’ve even found myself called out for self-absorption simply because I pushed back against being attacked by others. And their defense is always to go figure it all out on one’s own as if that’s not what conversation is for.
I have been called fascist and I have been called communist in online discussions.
In reality, I believe that social democracy is the best ideiology.
You need high taxation to finance a good safety net for the citizens of a country, and you need the free market to capitalize on human ambition.
This means that you need a strong government to enforce the rules and provide public services.
Water and power should be government run, internet is more tricky these days, a hybrid model where the local government build the infrastructure but you need to buy internet access from an ISP.
Healthcare should be government run, but with some private alternatives, government would provide good solid care, private alternatives would provide the came medical care but with improved service during your stay.
Trains should be run by the government, large industries should be able to pay to get a spur connected to their facility if they need it, all tracks should be electrified.
Public transport should be run by the local government, and can be run at a direct loss, the increased ability for jobs and shops will make up for the shortfall of cheap tickets. Gadget bahns would be banned.
What it means to be autistic. What makes this more fun is how much learning about autism has essentially become a special interest of mine. The amount of responses in this thread that scream unrealized autistic is very high. :D
What are the biggest unsung signs you see?
I’m not fully sure, but I think I truly despise women. But they play such a minor part in my life that it really doesn’t matter for me or them.
Edit: Just to clarify. I’m 100% certain that my feelings towards women will actually never badly influence anyones personal life. In fact my and other women’s lives are so far appart that excluding family, a single coworker and few store cashiers, the last time I’ve actually spoken to a woman face to face was a few months ago. And that was just my friends sister. Excluding that, it’s been maybe a few years.
If I were to disapear it would make absolutley no diffrence in any womans life, vice versa if all women would disapear, it would barely make a difference in mine.
That’s why it really doesn’t matter.
