E: Da Rules
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The teleportation can only be used to move you.
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Your clothes and basic personal items (the things you take with you everytime you leave the house) will teleport with you, but nothing else.
The International Space Station. The sheer confusion value would be amazing, particularly if I stayed quiet about how it happened (“I went to bed, then woke up floating here. I’ve no clue how it happened”).
I would get to cause a major incident of complete chaos, with little to no harm. I would get to experience space and weightlessness. I would also get a near guaranteed lift home (eventually). There’s also almost no way it could be kept quiet, so I get to be a minor celebrity for a while.
This has the possible downside of you being dissected for the benefit of science. One human life for the possibility of discovering the ability to teleport? The astronauts/cosmonauts on the ISS would know about you, but you’d never make the news.
Scientists are not good at keeping secrets, particularly not of this level. Also, the ISS is remarkably public. It would be obvious they were hiding something, at the very least.
Would I expect to spend some time “volunteering” in a research lab, more than likely. I doubt it would get to dissection level. The risk/cost would be low enough that I would take it.
“Hey some guy just showed up here and no one knows about it.”
“Cool, lets put him out the airlock and see if he freezes like in that movie”
with little to no harm
Not sure how resource allocation works and how quickly you could be sent back to earth but someone may have to be sacrificed.
Compared to telefragging someone on live tv? Also, on the balance, the media coverage would likely help knock loose some more funding for NASA, if only to try and figure out what the f*** happened.
There are always escape capsules onboard so they could probably just set them down to earth if that happens.
I would be more worried about something that is entirely untrained being up there for extended periods of time.
SPAAAAAACE!
I send Elon Musk to Mars.
Rule 1
Telefrag Elon Musk, then. His exact position. Assuming this turns him into a fine red mist and we don’t just have the real-world version of “clipping errors” whereby we are both annihilated or merged in some horrible way.
I think the latter would work too.
For you, maybe, not for me.
:3
Lol this is the first time i thought of telefragging outside of a game and the rare time outside of Unreal Tournament
Well that wasn’t there when I posted. Who’s coming up with these rules to save Phoney Stark?
OP I would presume.
You’re right that would rule.
Ha
I’d say a collapsing star would be a better option
The Martians deserve him
That’s 2 teleportations:(
I’m not bringing him back and I’m sure as shit not going with him…
Whatever the biggest televised event is in the next twenty four hours. I’m going to materialize naked live in air screaming “the end is nigh unless we repent” and then go into a list of ecological and social reforms.
Announce you’re a time traveler sent back…
“The rapture started and I was sent back here, God really wants us to stop using fossil fuels”
Planet saved for now but at the cost of giving rise to believes of christian fundamentalists.
I’d rather have the planet slowly cooked still, tyvm.
I can already hear “The mainstream media is playing tricks on us to keep us from enjoying ourselves by [insert any dumb shit like rolling coal or something]“
I’d do the opposite. Crash the biggest event I can find with ample media coverage, grab a mic, explain that I’m projecting myself backward through time from 200 years from now, and that I don’t have much time, and now is when it all goes wrong. To save everyone we need to
[Teleport to my living room]
I’m kidding, of course. I’d probably just waste it on something dumb(er).
Teleport myself into Putin to do the world a favour
Imagine being the one who has to explain that Putin died when another person burst forth from his body like an alien.
Would it be like a chest burster alien, or more like what Neo did to Agent Smith?
The Fly.
Asking the important questions!
“Look, nobody’s going to believe I just materialized here as opposed to evading your security check. How about we work together on getting out of here by blaming Gerasimov or Shoigu?”
People would assume you used some sort of weird explosive
to an alternate universe where magic is real and big titty anime girls want to form a party with me.
I chose this dude’s spawnpoint
I also chose this guy’s wife.
OP’s mom? Classic choice
So, you want to be an isekai protagonist. Understandable, me too!
I’d assume a cannonball shape and teleport myself into the body of any living murderous dictator (you can pick). I assume the sudden materialization of a 6’ tall, 200 lb human inside another human’s viscera would be a bit like swallowing a bomb. Even if it’s more a case of chimeric horror, the result is the same so I’m OK with it.
Dictator getting respawn fragged on live TV would be remembered for centuries
Aiming for a theocratic regime would let you swing into “I am your God now” territory.
Into the studio of some live tv programme, so it’s caught on camera by a neutral party. Without teleportation to get back, there are no really cool or useful places I want to go to in the next 24 hours. So I might as well try to make some cash out of interviews and stuff.
Smart.
To a place where there are plenty of crumbs.
What… what do you do with the crumbs?
Probably grabs them, like the dirty little crumbgrabber he is.
How did that lawsuit between you and American cartoonist Robert Crumb turn out?
I’d teleport to a parallel universe that has become an utopia full of futuristic medical solutions.
granted. but everybody speaks erbferb atinlerb
So, Sweden?
People have managed to learn languages odd nothing but signs and gestures…
Into the core of the Sun. With the pressure and temperature I guess it will kill me before I can notice. A quick, painless, and rather unique way to die.
Cause of death: “Crushed and burned by Sun’s core”What?
Who’d know?
My mom lives three large states away and has Alzheimer’s but is still able to recognize people. She’s well cared for, but I’m sole caregiver for my bedbound family member. I’m reconciled to the fact I cannot travel to visit her, but if I could go for just half an hour, even just one hug, I would.
Edit: Oh, one way only? Nvm.
Go to work like normal, open the register, empty it (money is a person item) and vanish forever to rural Japan.
Make sure I teleport to where non one sees it.Alternatively: teleport to new Zealand, yall know exactly why.
A cash register has like $500 in it. Easier to just get a job
where i work you have several thousand a day profit at a minimum, so i just wait until my day is over
Depends on where & when, but yeah, biggest bank run I ever made was about $10k, enough to have some fun with sure, but not enough to disappear forever with. Certainly not to Japan.
Home gonna fuck a sheep
Do tell, I have no clue why you’d go to New Zealand.
for locations like matama , without new Zealand there is no lord of the rings
Arrive with a pocket full of foreign currency…
i am very well aware of the fact that japan, in fact has a different currency to mine, but also that it lets you trade currency and has a LOT of centers to do so
has a LOT of centers to do so
Guessing you’ve never been to rural Japan ;)
Cuba, for medical and/or dental care I can’t afford in the US
Just a FYI Cuba currently collapsing under the weight of 80 of sanctions. That have finally caught up with it.
Mexico or India ( best) would be your best bet
Can you afford to fly back?
Oh yeah, that’s the cheap part when compared to medical care
🥲
I should probably use it to telefrag one of the active, living war criminals or one of their influential lackeys, but it’s kind of hard to choose.
I can think of a couple of good candidates for a telefrag, or a very unexpected high speed kick to the nuts.
If there’s no return option then I probably wouldn’t use it. Maybe just to get to the shops or something and then walk back.
