Seen this on reddit and thought it was an interesting question that largely is not talked about.
It is largely an issue that gets sidelined and hidden because people don’t want to talk about it or accept that it exists. Hopefully this gets some traction to break that marginalisation.
I don’t use twitter
it’s tough being a white man in America these days.
In all seriousness the deck is so stacked in my favor that the small amount of misandry there may be wouldn’t bother me at all. Generally the only way I’m underprivileged (adhd) is largely hidden. I don’t believe I’ve ever encountered misandry in real life. Online I’ve come across it occasionally, but it tends to be in niche communities I’m not a part of that I’ve stumbled on. And honestly there is so much misogyny that pervades our society that I’m inclined to give them a bit of a pass.
It’s not very common. When I encounter it, I tend to get angry, as I do against all bigots.
This may be a boring answer but I don’t deal with it simply because I’m not drawn to online spaces where it occurs. I don’t know what I would do if I did experience misandry. Leave? Engaging probably wouldn’t help.
I don’t have to interact with them. I kinda move on to more important things, like arguing about video games.
I run into far more misandry in real life than online.
I joined a men’s group so I can have a place that what I am is celebrated.
It is annoying, thankfully quite rare. No way to defend against it either because then you’re mansplaining.
Far worse than mansplaining, when you mention or react to misandry you are demonstrating signs of being on the slippery slope to becoming a mass shooter.
(Not something I believe; reporting what the zeitgeist claims)
More generally, there is an archetype of a “man who’s gone bad” and human society tends to view such men as extremely dangerous (because they can be).
At our current time in history, the tolerances on acceptable male behavior are extremely tight, and it doesn’t take much for a man to become marked for disposal.
The mechanism we currently use is this notion of a “pipeline” by which men who grumble about being mistreated are considered to be destined for total severance from decency and a descent into individual terrorism.
But really, it’s just an intensification of the ever-present male disposability. The enhancement is caused by the fact that the mating ratio has changed. With the proliferation of tinder and other hookup apps, a successfully-mating man can fuck hundreds of women per year.
This means the number of men we can dispose of while still maintaining a sense of generational reproductive security has gone up, and our collective unconscious is therefore searching for reasons to dispose of men.
That’s the underlying psychosocial energy pattern. The manifestation is an expansion of all categories related to “dangerous man”.
Just like the system criminalizes crack way more than cocaine, as a way of targeting black people, which is an expression of racist psychosocial energy, manifesting in legal excuses to lock black people up.
The same thing happens with men, by modulating the levels of male disposability via cultural rules.
This is, fundamentally, why men feel more and more constrained to act in a narrow band of acceptable behavior.
Lmao this is already getting brigaded -10 votes op. Just for asking a question. But yeah i just laugh it off as crazy feminist agenda sad femcel shit. My current gf was a strong feminist when we met but eventually she stopped socializing with feminists and has a more healthy mindset and works on improving herself and our home instead of the hyperfocus on misandry. I never really talked her out of it, she just grew out of it.
I don’t think it’s brigades, I think people just generally didn’t like the tone. I didn’t vote on this post but I did question the OP’s experience and intent when asking so bluntly and describing it as “marginalization”.
And more to the point, comments such as yours, which equate “feminism” with “misandry” are likely a bigger contributor to why people don’t appreciate this post overall.
That comment didn’t equate them, but rather associated them.
And they are associated.
Anytime anyone says “mansplaining” you are witnessing it.
Yup, happens. Girls use mansplaining as an excuse to not listen and avoid comprehending something just because of the gender speaking. Really rude when they interrupt too.
What do you mean by “misandry”?
If you mean “women venting about their experiences in a male-dominated world”, then I don’t give a shit. I just try not to be the reason they’re complaining.
If you mean unrealistic emotional expectations for men, like we’re not allowed to cry or be sensitive or feel any emotion but anger, it frustrates me. I don’t really know how to handle it.
My gf used to say “i hate men” all the time. I have to stare at her for minutes until she realized I am also a man and she changes subjects sheepishly…
Not the first one.
I wasn’t thinking the second but that would be an example. I would say conversations with men over this topic is a lot easier than you would expect. There is support there. Bringing up with women who want a men to not cry or be sensitive can be difficult.
I deal with it with grace, understanding, and compassion. I’m gay, but as a white cis man I still have obscene amounts of privilege. I feel a bit like a double agent. I’m a minority, but as I move through the world I am afforded all of the privilege that patriarchy can offer. And I can say with full confidence, the misandry I encounter pales in comparison to the homophobia I encounter. This goes for online as well as irl. And “pales in comparison” is inadequate. It’s so not even on the same playing field. They are not even comparable. I get it. It’s rougher to be a straight man than it’s ever been. I routinely get “mistreated” because I’m a bearded white guy who looks like Steve from Minnesota. But having a woman be less polite to me now and then is nowhere near what I go through as a queer. Especially growing up. I used to pray every night for god to kill me. Because I am queer. Not because I am a man. And I’ve tried to explain this to my brothers, and they don’t get it and can’t help but feel like the victim in all of this. And I bet you will align with them. But hopefully someone reading this will hear it. Yes, you are struggling. But fucking cope. Cope. Sharpen your coping skills. Because you have still been spared in a way you can’t even comprehend.
Lol! What misandry?
I usually don’t give a flying fuck about anyone else’s opinion, I have to admit nowadays even men are misandric with all that ally bullshit ideology.
I believe the hype about it is related to whatever the fuck it’s called “feminism” nowadays.
Anyway… who cares?
I have to admit nowadays even men are misandric with all that ally bullshit ideology.
Really? I have to hate myself in order to have compassion for those who aren’t like me? Is that how it goes?
Depends if you are a man or not but at modern feminism(ally) times men are enemies so according to my POV nowadays yes you have to hate yourself.
What the hell are you talking about??!!
What’s with the hysterical punctuation?
Maybe I’m too laid back to notice, but I’ve never seen anyone hate men just because they’re male. So much so, that in order to answer this question I had to google what “misandry” meant. I had no clue what the hell you were even asking.
Is this seriously a thing? Am I in a bubble isolated from this? Or are you in a bubble where non-issues are issues for you? Genuinely asking.
I’ve never seen anyone hate men just because they’re male
I’ve almost never actually seen it, but it’s BAD when it does appear. Had one boss tell me straight to my face that I was going to be useless because I was a man. She did all sorts of really petty stuff, like removing the clock from the break room and chewing me out for being ~30 seconds late coming back from break. Lost that job in less than a week when she literally lied to the manager that I never showed up for a shift. I could have easily fought and won for the job back, but I just didn’t care at all and spent my effort on more fruitful things.
Fuck fighting to get a job back. You probably could have sued her for MONEY!
Not worth it in the US unless you are certain to get enough to never work again. You will be framed as anti-woman regardless of facts and that will effectively ban you from future employment.
Unfortunately there are certain niches on tiktok… Depending where the algorithm throws you
Oh, I’m ABSOLUTELY in a bubble away from tiktok.
You know how a broken clock is right twice a day? Well, trump actually got tiktok right the FIRST time he had an opinion on it, in 2016, and surprisingly enough for the right reason.
It IS a Chinese espionage tool. It always has been. Both against their own citizens, and against other nations userbase.
I just want to make clear two things.
-
I’m NOT a trump supporter. He just happened to be right on this one issue in 2016. It’s one of those times where I was like “Wait…really? I’m agreeing with trump??? That can’t be right…no, it checks out. He’s making rational points…are we SURE this is trump??? The orange cheeto man? The grease pizza slut? That guy is…alright. Feels weird agreeing with trump on something…”
-
He’s since reversed his stance, and gotten his own tiktok once he realized he could game the system. So, suddenly he’s pro-tiktok. Which is somehow better for me personally. I can keep my position, and not feel dirty for being on trumps side. I have spent all of 0 minutes on tiktok.
Me, to MAGAS:
You hate China because you’re racist.
I hate China because the CCP is a giant bag of dicks.
We are not the same.
-
The highest frequency I see of it is when issues are discarded when it is an issue with men. Be it homelessness, suicide, job inequality, domestic violence or any other issue. But not for women. It seems men are worthless in a lot of people’s eyes because they aren’t women.
Or equally men are responsible for all the bad things in the world because simply they are men and men are responsible. For example a common issue is when men say they open up to a woman and that women used that to attack them. Then someone might say this is the patriarchy and toxic masculinity in action and men need to sort it out. Even though the man has done absolutely nothing wrong only the woman. Deflecting any responsibly from women doing something they shouldn’t have.
The inequality of responses from those being harmed, or undervalued and those responsible for the negativity seems at times strongly dependant on if it is a man or a women.
At least that is what I have seen mostly. But I’m more curious about others.
It seems men are worthless in a lot of people’s eyes
That’s just a simple truth of the world that all men have to learn: Strangers have no reason to care about you unless you have something valuable to offer them. It might sound harsh at first, but you learn the wisdom of it as you grow, as it also frees you from obligations to people you can’t necessarily trust, which is critical when your social role is to protect those closest to you. It imparts upon the man a fundamental sense of urgency to live and let live as much as possible, and to pursue positive personality traits so that one can benefit from their relationship with their neighbours.
The highest frequency I see of it is when issues are discarded when it is an issue with men. Be it homelessness,
I wouldn’t discard the risks to men that are homeless, but I easily acknowledge that a homeless woman would likely be much more vulnerable.
suicide,
This one seems very equal to me. Its a usually a tragedy to lose someone of either gender. I’m not upset if a rapist or murderer commits suicide, however, irrespective of their gender.
job inequality,
I’m not following where this is a detriment to men. Statistically and my own anecdotal observation, women are much more negatively affected by job inequality.
domestic violence
I agree this one is frequently overlooked where men are the victims. Our society is evolving on this, but not fast enough.
But not for women. It seems men are worthless in a lot of people’s eyes because they aren’t women.
I can’t say I see that reflected in society. What I do see are some calling out specific issues (at least one you’ve raised above) as recently negatively affecting men, while the same issue has been negatively affecting women far worse and for far longer and that it had been ignored. It comes off as lack of self reflection and disingenuous where men have allowed women to suffer for years (decades? centuries?), but as soon as men are experiencing it too, its a crisis now!
Or equally men are responsible for all the bad things in the world
Certainly not all, but certainly lots and lots of bad things. Only 13 of the 193 UN member nations have ever had a woman leader of the nation. source I don’t see how anyone can say women are to blame for that, nor the policies those world leaders put into place.
because simply they are men and men are responsible.
Well, if men are in charge, then it would follow that they’re responsible for the outcomes, yes? I’m willing to give a woman a chance to lead. She certainly can’t be any worse that some of the worst men we’ve had as leaders.
For example a common issue is when men say they open up to a woman and that women used that to attack them. Then someone might say this is the patriarchy and toxic masculinity in action and men need to sort it out. Even though the man has done absolutely nothing wrong only the woman. Deflecting any responsibly from women doing something they shouldn’t have.
I don’t know what women you have in your life, but I have never experience this first hand with any of the women in my life.
At least that is what I have seen mostly. But I’m more curious about others.
I almost never see this kind of thing, even online. I don’t do reddit (anymore), facebook, or tiktok though, so maybe thats where its happening that I don’t see it?
I think this is a good example of some of the issues men face.
"It comes off as lack of self reflection and disingenuous where men have allowed women to suffer for years (decades? centuries?), but as soon as men are experiencing it too, its a crisis now!
Or equally men are responsible for all the bad things in the world
Certainly not all, but certainly lots and lots of bad things. Only 13 of the 193 UN member nations have *ever* had a woman leader of the nation. [source](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/03/28/women-leaders-around-the-world/) I don’t see how anyone can say women are to blame for that, nor the policies those world leaders put into place.
because simply they are men and men are responsible. Well, if men are in charge, then it would follow that they’re responsible for the outcomes, yes?
I’m willing to give a woman a chance to lead. She certainly can’t be any worse that some of the worst men we’ve had as leaders."
I think this is a good example of some of the issues men face. That their issues do not matter because others have it worse. And like you show it is always lost in the general grouping of things. “I do not care how badly you as an individual has been treated because the group you are part of hasn’t been as hard done by as another group. Therefore because you are part of that group your issues matter less”. There always seems to be thus weird idea present that because say women have had it worse in the past that things need to be evened out by men having it worse now. Bad things have happened in the past yes, that goes without saying. But short of a time machine it won’t ever be fixed, but discrimination or issues in the present of any kind should be fixed. It shouldn’t be some weighing up of past offences of a group before an decision on an individual, that has in no way contributed to past offences happens. That’s what discrimination is.
A lot of leaders has been upper class white men yes. But they exploited working class white men as much as anyone. So because an upper class white man did something in the past some working class white man must pay for it now? Class is way more important than gender in a lot of things. How am I, a man that has never been in a position of power anymore responsible for geopolitics than a women that hasn’t been in power? Taring me for being a man for crimes of other men isn’t right.
But again you are passing the responsibility and making excuses. No one is denying men have done bad things. But accepting men have also being on the receiving end of bad things just for being men, or just in general, is important. This is the most kind of the misandry I see. Women doing something and then saying that because white men are in charge they are without fault? The guys in power don’t have that much power, that don’t stop individuals mistreating other individuals.
I think this is a good example of some of the issues men face. That their issues do not matter because others have it worse. And like you show it is always lost in the general grouping of things. “I do not care how badly you as an individual has been treated because the group you are part of hasn’t been as hard done by as another group. Therefore because you are part of that group your issues matter less”.
Nope, thats not what I said nor what I meant.
Here, I’m make it easier to understand. Lets say we have two 35 year old men: Jim and John. Two years ago Jim suffered kidney failure. He’s been struggling on dialysis all this time just to stay alive. Multiple times a week he has to sit attached to a machine for hours to filter his blood so it doesn’t kill him. It causes bruises on his body. He gets sick easier and stays sick longer. Its an existence, but its pretty miserable. Jim has been set back for years not able to hold a job because his illness has caused him to miss work. He’s been spending any spare money on medical bills or expenses related to his kidney failure. He has no savings.
John has been active and healthy. He’s been able to focus his energy on his career. Its increased his income, and he owns a nice house. He has substantial retirements savings, and plenty of extra money in the bank. Now, up until yesterday John was was healthy. Today he was diagnosed with kidney failure. He has his first dialysis appointment 3 days from now. Later that day a donor kidney becomes available and its a match for both Jim and John. However, since there is only one kidney, it can only go to one of the men.
You’re advocating that John, should get the kidney.
There always seems to be thus weird idea present that because say women have had it worse in the past that things need to be evened out by men having it worse now.
Nope, I’m not ignoring that men because they are facing these issues women have faced for years/decades/centuries. I’m saying that if we have resources to fix one of them, we should address the one that has been hurting longer.
Bad things have happened in the past yes, that goes without saying. But short of a time machine it won’t ever be fixed
Incorrect. We can’t fix sins of the past entirely, but we can certainly do whats possible today to make it right. In California, Bruce’s Beach is a good example of this. Institutional racism has had multi generational negative effects on wealth accumulation. Bruce’s Beach is a good step, but it doesn’t help the millions of people of color that have suffered because of practices like this including Redlining that even today results in lower wealth for people of color.
but discrimination or issues in the present of any kind should be fixed.
I’m glad you agree! Where is your action to helping women with all the issues you cited just started happening to men? Where is your advocacy to return balance to people of color that got shafted for decades? No, your urgency is laser focused on fixing the relatively recent problems men are experiencing.
If we have limited resources for mitigation of issues, yes, men are in line for those resources too, but the lions share needs to address the greater and more urgent injuries.
How am I, a man that has never been in a position of power anymore responsible for geopolitics than a women that hasn’t been in power? Taring me for being a man for crimes of other men isn’t right.
Tell me about a time where you were in the workplace and saw a woman you work with be treated less than a man, and you stood up and said “that isn’t right”. What actions have you taken against domestic violence against women? You can’t continue to benefit from your position of power letting others being repressed, and claim no responsibility when you have benefited.
But again you are passing the responsibility and making excuses. No one is denying men have done bad things. But accepting men have also being on the receiving end of bad things just for being men, or just in general, is important.
“Yes yes, women have had it bad for years/decades/centuries, and it continues to be bad for them, but what about me?! Its just now started happening to me now, and NOW its a problem!” This is what your statement sounds like. If you continue to see people rolling their eyes when they hear your pleas this is why.
This is the most kind of the misandry I see. Women doing something and then saying that because white men are in charge they are without fault?
Citation please.
The guys in power don’t have that much power, that don’t stop individuals mistreating other individuals.
Listen, I really hope you’re on the younger side because that would excuse a huge chunk of your ignorance. You don’t need to be an elected official to be a “guy in power”. As a guy, you have power. Are you using it to help those that need it? You need to have some conversations with adult women in your life that are willing to be honest with you. Do you have an adult sister? Can you ask your mother? I don’t think you have a fucking clue how difficult it is to be a woman even today with all the improvements in law and social evolutionary change. I could cite statistics to you that even today women are paid less than men even for the same exact work, experience, education, and skill. I could tell you that girls tell each other when they’re going on a first date and where, so in case they don’t return the police can be called. I could tell you that in a room full of powerful men and a single powerful woman, the woman will be the one expected to “get coffee” or “take notes” while a man is never asked. Do I even need to point out that men are trying to decided if a woman has rights to her own body?
Men face none of that. I’ve seen lots of this first hand. I know this. I’m a man.
Jesus Christ give me strength.
This is going to go nowhere. Look do you accept certain individuals in the world are mistreated? That we should ideally address every issue on an individual basis and try to fix the issue that is affected that person? Now if it is a man should we ignore them?
What you are saying is someone has it worse so I don’t want to hear it. You don’t get to complain, you don’t get help, you don’t get attention, you’re going to get ignored just because you are a man.
Some people have it worse than others yes. Some men have been on the receiving end of sexism more than some women. But if you are going to say women have more issues than men so men don’t get anything then that’s a horrible, sexist thing to say. Well who has it worst? Some kid starving in Sudan. Oh I don’t want to hear about how you had to get coffee, there are kids starving in Sudan we can only address one issue at a time and you come from a developed country with excess food. No. Be quiet until we fix the Sudan issue I don’t want to hear it.
Your kidney analogy is a terrible one. A better one would be that when deciding if Jim or John should get a kidney they looked back through the records and found in 1965 some guy called Jim got a kidney and some guy called John died. So now it’s Johns turn to get a kidney. That’s how sexism works, you group people and mistreat individuals rather than treating people as individuals.
You seem to be trying to make out that I’m saying only men have issues and no one else does. I’m not saying that I’m saying men ALSO have issues as well as other people, sometimes they are the same, sometimes they are different and they are humans too and they deserve attention, love and affection just like anyone else. But there are people like you in the world that don’t want to accept men have issues because you only want non-male issues addressing.
The most sexism I have seen in the workforce has been on hiring policies. That before the job has even been posted people are looking for women. You might have some 21 year old guy straight out of university, he could have been in the feminists society for all we know, he and the 10 other guys won’t even have a chance at the job because 1 woman has applied and they job is reserved for her based on sex alone. That’s sexism and all sexism is bad. Young men are really struggling now in a way people don’t want to address. Especially working class uneducated men. But all, all, the attention is on women.
Jesus Christ give me strength.
Ask him for perspective at the same time. You’re still missing lots of of it.
This is going to go nowhere. Look do you accept certain individuals in the world are mistreated?
As I have said multiple times already, yes.
That we should ideally address every issue on an individual basis and try to fix the issue that is affected that person?
Not in isolation, no.
Now if it is a man should we ignore them?
Keep your strawman. I’ve never said that.
What you are saying is someone has it worse so I don’t want to hear it. You don’t get to complain, you don’t get help, you don’t get attention, you’re going to get ignored just because you are a man.
More strawmen from you. I don’t know who you’re arguing with but its not me. I haven’t said any of those things.
Some people have it worse than others yes. Some men have been on the receiving end of sexism more than some women. But if you are going to say women have more issues than men so men don’t get anything then that’s a horrible, sexist thing to say.
Cool, because I’ve never said that. That’s more strawmen.
Well who has it worst? Some kid starving in Sudan. Oh I don’t want to hear about how you had to get coffee, there are kids starving in Sudan we can only address one issue at a time and you come from a developed country with excess food. No. Be quiet until we fix the Sudan issue I don’t want to hear it.
I’ve mentioned nothing but the USA. I’ve said this already. Your introduction of countries outside the USA is yet another strawman.
Your kidney analogy is a terrible one. A better one would be that when deciding if Jim or John should get a kidney they looked back through the records and found in 1965 some guy called Jim got a kidney and some guy called John died. So now it’s Johns turn to get a kidney.
I’m not talking about looking back in history for that analogy. I specifically mentioned both men were born at the same time (same age). John could have had kidney troubles because he lived near a coal plant for most of his life because thats the only real estate bank would let his parents buy (aka Redlining). So history affects what John is today, but you’re wanting to handwave away that Jim started live on 2nd base.
That’s how sexism works, you group people and mistreat individuals rather than treating people as individuals.
That’s part of how sexism works, but you’re missing the really key other parts.
You seem to be trying to make out that I’m saying only men have issues and no one else does.
Again, thats your strawman. I have multiple times recognized that men have issues.
I’m not saying that I’m saying men ALSO have issues as well as other people, sometimes they are the same, sometimes they are different and they are humans too and they deserve attention, love and affection just like anyone else. But there are people like you in the world that don’t want to accept men have issues because you only want non-male issues addressing.
Again with your strawman. I have said multiple times that men have issues, and that those issues should be addressed. However, they don’t get first dibs.
The most sexism I have seen in the workforce has been on hiring policies. That before the job has even been posted people are looking for women. You might have some 21 year old guy straight out of university, he could have been in the feminists society for all we know, he and the 10 other guys won’t even have a chance at the job because 1 woman has applied and they job is reserved for her based on sex alone. That’s sexism and all sexism is bad. Young men are really struggling now in a way people don’t want to address. Especially working class uneducated men. But all, all, the attention is on women.
Oh god, you’re full redpill aren’t you. Men have had it easy for hundreds of years compared to women. Only now that men are facing a small part of the difficulties that women are still facing, you’re calling it an injustice.
I highly HIGHLY recommend you do some introspection. Learn some empathy for people that aren’t like you. You’re giving men a bad name. As a man myself, that negatively affects me too. Most of your arguments are with me. You’ve got so much strawman logic in your latest, I see no point in continuing. I won’t be replying anymore. I hope you have a nice day.
I won’t be replying anymore
Oh great because you only seem capable of having your own conversation instead of talking about the original conversation.
