I have a few.
Camera shuttering sounds. I don’t need to hear your camera, dude. Yeah I know most porn is produced and exploited but, don’t need to hit it home doing this. Here is what I don’t get, why not use inexpensive drone cameras to take footage or take shots? Who the fuck needs stupid people doing it?
Cameramen muffled or hearing. I don’t need to hear you either. I don’t give a fuck if you’re enjoying it, just shut the hell up.
Sped-up previews or even sped-up videos because reasons? It just takes me out of the immersion, if there were any to be had.
Exaggerated sounds and moans. “UNNHHH!” “AHHH!!” “HNNN!” “OOOOOO!” slrshrlshlp splsplslspl moist sounds Just fucking mute it. Don’t watch porn for audio.
Seeing that guy in a scene. You know, that awkward fucking guy who is part of the scene who just idly stands there just jerking off all like “nhhn yeah hrrr yeah oh so into this” I want a series of porn videos, where it is just beating that guy down.
Production value.
I’ll take a video recorded by a married couple with an iPhone over a bunch of fake people in a fake scenario faking how much fun they are having.
I would have no problem with pornographic sex scenes in properly produced films, with a proper script and everything. But I have no interest in professional production values if all it brings is better lighting and a ton of makeup and fake moans.
And ass warts. Don’t forget about that.
I’ll generalize to say that what you’re looking for is a genuine connection between the performers. It not only shows better consent on set (it’s hard to break consent and still have a genuine connection), but it’s just better in general. This doesn’t always happen in amateur porn, but it’s more likely. It does happen at larger studios, but they usually have to be run better.
One thing that I think Kink dot com pioneered was showing an out of character interview with the performers ahead of time. Adulttime has picked this up as well. They sometimes cut it for the versions that go on tube sites (either shortening it or removing it altogether), and I think that forms part of the argument that, yes, you should pay for porn if it’s within your means. If you like something coming out of a studio on a tube site, they probably have a lot more of it that doesn’t even show up outside their pay site.
Man, you would love Dexter. Each sex scene is borderline hardcore porn, and there are a lot of sex scenes.
Pulling that stupid ahegao face. I don’t know who that’s for, but it’s definitely not me.
It’s for coomers and people who fantasize about lolis who call underaged-drawn female characters their ‘waifu’.
And it should damn well be a kinkshame because of that kind of connection.
OH NO! THE LOLI DEFENDERS WERE REPLYING!
Fauxcest. It didn’t use to be so prolific.
Go real or go home, bro!
I will vomit directly into your eyeballs
Don’t threaten me with a good time.
Choking. I spend a fair amount of time in kink clubs, and the choking you see casually thrown into random porn would get you thrown out of all of them; including the ones that allow choking.
Love being online, where people can casually say “I spend a fair about of time in kink clubs” and nobody bats an eyelid.
Anytime the girl says shit like, “Oh yeah baby do you like fucking my pussy!? Does my little pussy feel so good!?”
STOP IT. STOP. IT. PLEASE. UUUUUGH. So not appealing.
Fake moaning. Fake dirty talk
Jackhammer fucking. I dont want to see some woman have her cervix be pile drived into the ground.
The view from behind where we get to see some ugly dudes fucking hairy balls dangling.
Are some of my top ones, but honestly I dont like professional porn in general. Its just so fake.
I’d rather watch a grainy video of a couple amatures absolutely loving what their doing, than watch some stuff terrible play acting profesional porn in 4k.
Just curious, is your comment about fake moaning and fake dirty talk apply to every single video or do some actually do ok?
The only ones I’ve seen do it okay, are the amature videos that arent faking it.
but I have not watched every porn ever produced, so I’m sure there are some out there where the faking isnt miserable and bad.
You managed to nail about every peeve of mine in one short comment. Bravo.
See, I watch gay porn, so that under view with balls is actually super hot. Lol. And I quite like the pile driving/jackhammer fucking in real life, so that doesn’t bother me, either. But I don’t like professional porn, I like amateur stuff. And the fake moaning suuuuucks
if we’re talking specifically about dick and ball focus… I want my dick and balls to be cute, and shaved, if i’m gonna be looking at them. I dont want to feel like i’m watching Sasquatches sex tape lol
That’s a fair point. Lol. I do prefer shaved, or at least trimmed, but in porn I don’t mind hairy so much. I don’t care for it in real life when it’s in my mouth, though. Hairy balls are unpleasant in the mouth
Yeah, nothing worse than getting hair in your teeth or having a wiry pube go up your nose and stab your brain.
Like, you joke, but straight up, I despise getting pubes in my mouth. Fucking things are worse than popcorn kernal shells.
I wasnt joking at all. I’ve done both of those things, and i hate it. The long wirey pube up the nose and tickling the back of your eye is awful.
Haha. It’s so fucking awful, ain’t it? Lol
How they all seem to end with the guy jerking himself off onto the girl’s face while she just sits there.
I am not here to watch you jerk yourself off, dude. If you just have to cum on her face for whatever reason, at least let her be the one to make it happen.
I vaguely remember a standup comic from maybe 25 years ago who had a joke about being at a gas station, and suspecting the attendant was moonlighting as a porn star. Just before the fuel tank was done filling, the attendant pulled out the nozzle and sprayed it all over the car’s hood and windshield.
For that matter, the focus on the penis. If the primary focus of a shot is the dick and not the woman, then it’s cock porn. I’m not here for cock worship, man.
Anything that comes across as fake, but especially long fake nails or in fact long nails of any kind. Please don’t put those near any sensitive spots.
I say “comes across as” because all porn involves performance. It’s about believability, not authenticity, at the end of the day.
When I forget my bluetooth is connected to something else in another room. Where is the volume? Then I panic.
Always turn off Bluetooth on your phone when not in use.
In addition to not letting the rest of the house listen to your porn, it helps with overall security as well.
Yeah, one of the many things I love about GrapheneOS is how Wifi and Bluetooth turn themselves off by default after a certain amount of time not being in use.
Funny thing, samsung decided it’s not important if your phone is connected to headphones or not. So they hid the bluethooth symbol from the status bar.
Truly baffling decision. This will be my last samsung phone.
ALSO why does no device support disabeling auto connect for specific bluetooth devices.
I watch a movie on my phone and my dad turns on a bluetooth speaker. It steals the audio from my phone and blasts it around the house.
slapping. no idea why that is so prevalent. I swear im not looking for it.
And spitting into mouths. And onto dicks. I mean if you’re doing a whole degradation thing then fine. Not going to say it’s never hot, but if it’s just sex between two people and not hate fucking, count me out. Also throat fucking until they either puke or just snot comes out of everywhere.
And if you’re going to do degradation, I need a pre- and post-sex interview of the bottom (edit: I originally said girl, but that’s just how I roll, same would apply in reverse—I’m just not excited by femdom) saying how they are into it/loved it. Degradation with full consent and proper aftercare can be hot but I rarely see that. I think there’s like one company that does it right. (And no I don’t remember the company because frankly I don’t watch all the much porn these days. That company might’ve gone under a decade ago for all I know.)
shouldn’t there be an nsfw tag on this?
Don’t scroll Lemmy at work.
you don’t know where they work
The content is apparent from the title, plus the nsfw tag is only really useful on media imo. Opening a lewd pic on the bus because it wasn’t tagged is not the same thing as opening a text thread
Disingenuous love or none at all.
Overly produced.
"“Sssss, haahhh”
Doesn’t care about woman’s pleasure. Blowjob leads right into sex.
She’s obviously dry.
The cum is fake.
The guy is half hard pushing rope while she’s pretending too hard that it feels good.
Circumcised penis, especially if it’s an oral video.
Gambling site ads embedded in a video.
A grainy video shot on a tripod with no studio lights with people who actually like each other is better than 95% of the garbage that gets posted. I prefer erotica written for men over videos. Even when it’s written cheesy it’s still better than most videos.
The weird… aggressively “barely legal” crowd…
I want to see characters that are relatable, that are my age
Like, this woman’s had a divorce, she’s sick of her job but doesn’t want to be back in the market yet, she is on her second car and her third long-term relationship. She keeps forgetting where the soap is and buying more by accident
I wanna jerk off not get called out lol
- Any kind of anal anything (beyond the mere presence or non-focal visibility of an anus)
- Mirror-selfies where there is an Apple logo visible on the phone
- Duck-face
Anytime the girl looks like she’s not actually enjoying the sex. Fake or dubbed sound. Choking or slapping (see first item).
I also usually find any talking (sexy talk) to be awful. I don’t have a problem with it in concept, but in porn execution, it’s almost always super bad. Camera man talking is universally bad.
