In my case, I’d say I enjoy receiving verbal and physical abuse. I’m not just referring to something sexual, but more generally. I’ve realized that it’s something that motivates me and makes me feel good. I don’t know if it’s sadomasochism, but in many instances in my life, I’ve found myself in total ecstasy when someone hits me or insults me.

However, it’s something circumstantial. I don’t see it as something I’m constantly seeking, like a fetish. It’s more like a personal trait—something that’s very much a part of me and makes me feel really good.

I eat cheese at midnight.

Nice try Mass Surveillance agency!

Anonymity on the Internet is about as strong as the lock on your door. A sufficiently motivated individual will be straight through it with barely a thought.

I miss AskLemmy being about asking questions.

Let’s be honest—anonymity is a powerful thing.

No one understand how I struggle hour by hour to not become violent. It’s medical and I have almost no control over when it will arise

I have done very well, only ever let myself go once in my life and have regretted it ever since.

Whenever I tell people they assume I’m trying to be an edgy badass when really I am so fucking tired of having to isolate myself for most of my life for other people’s safety and so fucking lonely because any IRL friend that hangs around me enough is going to see an episode and ghost me.

Add on top of that literally every social outlet I’ve had has been whittled away.

I don’t WANT to be an angry person. I like peace and cats and relaxing music. I’m a pacifist and would have been a conscientious objector had I been drafted. I have general goodwill towards most people unless they prove themselves unworthy. I give even proven liars the benefit of the doubt because I want to see the best in people but nearly every minute of my life a part of my fucking mind is on overdrive looking for a reason to break someone’s arm.

I have spent decades learning how to make myself look small and nonthreatening and I wear it like a mask all the time because when I walk the way my brain wants me to walk I get called into HR for no fucking reason

I have never threatened anyone, never even spoke loudly more than a handful of times but I have lost SEVEN FUCKING JOBS because HR tells me ‘You’re making people in the workplace uncomfortable’

I have discussed all the dark parts of myself with close friends and therapists. It was good to do. It wasn’t easy.

No, I won’t discuss it publicly.

Nice try, CIA, nice try. You’ll never catch me.

deleted by creator

Nice try, fed.

15 years ago I’d believe you were a teenage edgelord, but even they are more savvy than this, nowadays.

Since nobody else seems inclined to share the deep darks of their life, I will.

Due to a childhood of neglect, I tend to ruin baby animals left in my care. Not because I want to, but because I’m not nurturing at all. Not even a slight tiny bit. I keep them alive and unharmed just fine, that I can do. But that’s about all I’ve got.

I’ve had a few cats that I’ve acquired as kittens and by the time they hit adulthood they hate everything. The first time I didn’t realize it was me, and I had a cranky bitch who hated everyone and everything but me… for 16 years… after the last time I know it must be me. Because cats from the same litter went to my partner and theirs are super nice and friendly, and mine… one gets so upset seeing other strange cats that she misplaces her aggression and goes after her sister until her sister pees herself running away. It fucking sucks, and I wish I was better for them.

The dog I got as a puppy was poorly socialized, as well, but I wasn’t able to keep her past the first year (pitbull in an apartment, but she was just friendly as hell, not mean or aggressive)

My quail were about ready to see me as mama, same with the chickens, even nestling in my hands to fall asleep, and now they don’t like me… (that one is probably a reach-down problem, they like me a lot better when I reach in at them instead of down from above, but still)

So except where necessary, like farm animals, I avoid getting babies. I’m sterile for this reason as well. I don’t want to pass on my fucked up neglected childhood, even to animals.