Does it actually matter whether you flirt with someone or not in order for them to (potentially) develop feelings for you? A lot of people have told me it’s intrinsic, as in “If they like you, they like you.” So you should just treat the person you’re interested in like you would any other person.
So if it all comes down to connection and looks, doesn’t that make flirting a bit redundant?
Edit: To clarify, I see flirting as banter to make sexual/romantic intentions known.
Is flirting redundant?
For autistic people: maybe.
For everyone else: no.
As an aspie, we still flirt. We just (sometimes) flirt differently.
No, it isn’t. They may already like you but how will they know you care if you don’t offer an array of easy to misunderstand signals?
Seems like this was answered already, but I’ll add my two cents. Attraction isn’t always 100% physical. It can be and often is tied to personality. Flirting is a way to show your personality in a more intimate way. A good flirt can cause someone else to develop attraction where without it that attraction may not have developed.
I see flirting as banter to make sexual/romantic intentions known.
That’s basically what it is. It’s not there to make someone develop feelings, it’s a way to safely make your feeling known and see if they are reciprocated. It’s basically lowering the risk of rejection, if the feeling isn’t mutual and you don’t get a response you can just write it off as a harmless flirt. If (s)he flirts back you can dial it up a notch.
Making intentions known is necessary. Flirting is just one of the preocesses by which intention is established. In that way, it is not strictly necessary, in the same way that cake is not necessary, but food is.
Flirting is a process which intentionally leaves ambiguity because it lets people avoid embarrassment. Being rejected, in many cultures, is embarrassing. By attempting flirting, a person can show interest indirectly, and the other person can show interest in return or show disinterest with quiet cues that let the instigator pull back without having to do something as vulnerable as explicitly stating intentions or experience embarrassment at being directly rejected.
Flirting, like anything else, can also be used as a display of quality, the verbal/intellectual equivalent of peacock feather displays.
How necessary these elements are is entirely contextual. Some partners despise the pretense of it. Others view it as incredibly fun. Some are deeply embarassed by the prospect of rejection. Some are not bothered by it at all.
Is chewing redundant? The little swish of a nice beverage? Flirting is the game, it’s half the fun. Sure the other parts are nourishing and wonderful too. But to flirt is to delight in such a primally human interaction.
I mean, if you don’t chew you’ll choke to death on your food, so, no it’s not redundant.
some people believe flirting is a goal in itself or an indispensable part of life for a valid human. meaning, these type of people can’t conceive the existence of someone who doesn’t flirt nor one who doesn’t enjoy flirting. that’s very dehumanizing for others of us.
not everyone is capable of flirting.
Some people think just talking to the opposite sex is flirting. Some people would define flirting as how you let them know you’re interested in the first place.
It’s not redundant, it simply can’t be as a part of courtship, but what is meaningless is our current understanding of what, exactly, it consists of.
Flirting is just part of seduction. It’s not just to “make intentions known”, people are more dynamic than that. Being flirted with will often actually create feelings that weren’t there before. If you enjoy how someone makes you feel, you open up and become closer. Merely being liked by someone can be quite flattering.
I can’t flirt to save my life.
So it’s hardly necessary. That said, I’ve had more than a few conversations with clients about our employees “flirting” only to find out they all the guard said was literally “hello,” without getting up from the desk or otherwise taking it any further.
(I’m a manager contract security. My employees are guards at our client’s facilities or wherever.)
Flirting is how you build connection? Perhaps we have different ideas on what flirting is, but to me, its the things you do to build a connection (talking, joking, hanging out, etc). So if you dont do those things, you’ll not build a connection.
A lot of people have low self esteem and/or don’t see themselves as attractive. Their perception of themselves isn’t always obvious, either. Flirting with them can give them that “nudge” they need to act on their feelings.
Precisely, flirting signals to someone else that you’re potentially attracted to them.
If they’ve written you off as a potential romantic partner for whatever reason (they assume you’d never be interested, they thought you had a partner, they thought you were only ever going to be just friends, etc), then that signal can cause them to start considering you as a romantic option.
I didn’t flirt with my partner at all and kept my emotions in. so we didn’t get together until like 8 months of friendship. my SO had 0 idea I had any interest until we had a moment. It overwhelmed SO and led to wanting space between us for a few months. I wonder if it would have been different if I flirted some.
Flirting is a means of communicating that a person likes another person. If no one flirted, then meeting people would be even more difficult than it already is.
It’s not even looks, for some of us. I’m demisexual, and before we became a thing, my master was nowhere near my ‘type’. But he was incredibly sweet and caring, always has been, and the affection grew from there. When my ex fiancé left me, he was there, supporting me in crisis. Always there, doing his best to care for me. Now a few years on, I think he’s sexy as fuck, and I’m very happy with him.
Back to the question though, I’ve never really flirted with anyone. Always very direct, ‘hey you are cute/funny/shy/interesting’ mixed with ‘I’m horny, and you are the one causing that’ thus ‘want to fuck?’. I always put desert before the main course, as it were, since sex is a big thing for me - so I don’t want to get attached if we aren’t at least a bit compatible. What easier way then to jump right into it? Then if it goes well, we are already miles beyond the usual starter-pack bs, so the whole courting/flirting stuff is just unnecessary. We already have been horny freaks, we’ve already figured out that our desires align at least a bit, ‘why not date?’
The traditional way seems so… stupid, frankly. Slow buildup over weeks/months just to meet a brick wall when you find out that he only gets off with butt stuff, while you/they are repulsed to the point of vomiting at the thought… ‘well that was a fun 2 months, thanks and I’ll see you around I guess’. Nah, that just doesn’t make sense to me.
And there’s the whole awkward ‘what if they reject me’ like my guy/gal/sentient being, just stfu and ask them. Direct, no bullshit, no games, no dancing around the question. ‘hey, you’re cute, are you seeing someone?’ is fine. Asking if they have a Facebook account so you can add them and then changing your relationship status to ‘it’s complicated’ and hoping they comment on that, isn’t the smart play.
I guess if they enjoy it, sure, flirt away. But in my mind it makes no sense and merely complicates and extends an awkward phase.
Do note that I myself decided long ago that I’d only date other furries, so the dating pool is… very liberating, vs the standard. But that doesn’t mean that people have to continue following the same rules and expectations.
Do what makes you feel right, and fuck the norms. You don’t owe anyone anything, and if someone expects something of you that you don’t think is ideal, maybe they aren’t for you, and that’s okay. You aren’t made from a cookie cutter, don’t try to conform to one.
Man… What the fuck?
