I don’t think it’s wise to treat people you’re romantically interested the exact same you would any other person. That’s how I got into this mess, to be honest. I actually feel like if I were more upfront about it I now wouldn’t have made this post here.

stop treating women differently from men

True and I never have otherwise. But you should absolutely treat people you like differently, at least in the way of what you want with them.

Where am I supposed to get a hamster wheel??

Also, I feel like at that last stage we may as well just remain friends.

“that’s all fine but I genuinely begin to develop feelings for her” and “I just don’t really care all that much for a friendship”.

Okay I may have not worded it very well there. What I mean is that I don’t want to be in this “friendzone” any more. I really don’t and I don’t see myself being happy remaining as such.

It’s nothing about her not being good enough. It’s my own feelings that are in the way.

I never said I didn’t like her. It’s quite the opposite.

The problem is that I want more than friendship. It just leaves too much to be desired.

is being yourself, not artificially bending towards what you think will look attractive.

If I’m understanding you correctly. Those things aren’t necessarily exclusive to each other in my opinion. I am constantly thinking of something funny to say because I like saying funny or flirtatious things. And you can learn these things, yet still hold true to oneself.

as a customer?

No, no, as her supervisor.

Must a be one hell of a coffee.

And how’s that going for ya?

Thank you! That was very thorough and clear.

Of course you still need to find a way to show interest

Do you have any tips on how to do that?

Romantic/sexual banter.

I get the whole “Just the be yourself” message. But right now things just aren’t moving. Like, at all. And I do have plenty of hobbies. Even meeting women is genuinely not a problem for me. So I’m kind of stuck between the being myself and changing strategies. To be honest with you. If being myself means I don’t ever find someone, which over the years have quite clearly proven to be the case. Then I say: “Fuck being myself.”

I don’t know why everyone else here says “No.” Maybe it’s down to preference.

Well, at least it makes the discussion more interesting.😅

And I usually don’t have any ulterior motives.

Well I for one usually do have said ulterior motives (I want to see them romantically). Shouldn’t I then be a bit more (flirtatiously) direct with them?

I just searched for ‘flirting’

“Hey, I really enjoyed that conversation, let’s meet for a coffee some day, how can I text you?”

But if I sign it off like this. That would MAKE the message pretty clear, right?

If you say “Hey, I really enjoyed that conversation, let’s meet for a coffee some day, how can I text you?”

When given chance, this is basically the way I go about it. Just a quick on-the-side question: How quickly do you usually suggest something like that?

And bordering on what I’d call flirting.

What would you call flirting?

I am not a great active flirter, but I do know that my words and body language will do the heavy lifting, unconsciously.

Perhaps you’re in the same boat?

I would say, yes. However, it has been somewhat of a fruitless endeavour for me. (rightly or wrongly so)

But how are they supposed to find out if it’s just a nice conversation, or if I want to meet them again, or if I want to go on a date with them?

If I’m having a friendly chat with someone and I suggest we meet again in a different setting, wouldn’t that be a clear enough sign?