I’m gonna be honest, I’m not asking for a friend, I’m asking for myself. Our daughter (24) married this man (65) in September. She herself stated money was the main reason, and he knows it but it doesn’t bother him. Both my husband & I are having a very hard time getting used to the idea.
She’s an adult and I assume she’s mentally capable. Just support her and when/if she ever regrets her decision, she’ll have you around to lean on.
If you openly hate on her decision or shame her for it, you’re only going to drive her away or make her even more firm in her choice.
I’m with you with everything except for the regret part. Some decisions have consequences that you can’t just get over. Life ruining consequences that follow you for the rest of your life. This probably isn’t it, but as an adult you need to take responsibility for making those decisions without expecting daddy and mommy to always pull you out.
I’m not sure how you interpreted my comment to mean that “Mommy and Daddy” would need to pull her out. I only suggested they be there with love and not shame so she doesn’t stop speaking to them.
I interpreted it as you implying that if shit hits the fan, her parents have to pick up the pieces. You’re right though, parents should be there with support, not to shame their children.
I’ll add one thing to other’s responses. Make sure she, not they, but she is covered financially. If she spends 10 years with him, not developing her career, and he drops her, will she be OK?
I.E. its perfectly OK for them to have this arrangement, it’s not OK for her to be in a situation where she feels trapped by money.
Bahaha dude u realized she “trapped” herself in that scenario?
How did we get to a place where people don’t deserve the consequences of their actions?
She only “deserves this” if it makes her rich???
Do u see how fucked in the head you are for thinking that?
How is “make sure she has a backup plan” anything at all like what you said?
That’s someone who is mad because they can’t marry someone for money and no one wants to buy pictures of their feet.
Hey, I’m mad about those things but that doesn’t mean I’m out here being an asshole about it…
Have you tried selling pictures of your feet? A lot of folks are mad that they can’t but they haven’t even tried yet.
But, to be honest, I’m pretty sad that I couldn’t marry for money. I would have made an amazing trophy husband in my youth.
Somehow reading your comment managed to actually make me stupider.
We don’t like your kind around here.
Go somewhere else.It was the tween-like dialect, wasn’t it?
u
people don’t deserve the consequences of their actions?
That’s a glass house.
I’ll be very blunt: it’s her life and her decision. There is nothing to ‘manage’. You either accept it or you don’t, but if you don’t, there’s a good chance you will lose her.
I agree with you, I think OP means manage in the sense of managing themselves in this situation they clearly don’t like, not their daughter.
Yeah true, I think you’re right. In that regard: I think it’s all about acceptance.
She’s not underage and the husband knows the deal. I would make sure she has a back up (a man is not a plan). Make sure she has a job/career to fall back on, and if she’s stay-at-home, see if she gets any kind of money from her husband on a regular basis that she can put into her own savings. Other than that? Hopefully the wedding was bomb.
I don’t know how I’d deal with it but I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing given the chance, at least at that age. Does she realise that 65 isn’t all that old? He could have decades left in him. Most of my grandparents have lived into their 90s.
There’s nothing wrong with prostitution. At least when her boss dies she gets a payout.
When my boss dies, I’ll still be expected to drive across four cities to do a job that I could do 100% remote during the pandemic
How much money we talking? 65 and spritely could well mean 25 years or more of marriage
My cynical view on this situation is the pros are 1) she’s fast-tracking home ownership for a generation that generally expects to not own homes, 2) she’s securing financial stability during the traditionally least financially stable era of adult life, 3) working as a paid live-in caregiver pays significantly little comparatively and it is damn hard work, 4) she may have plans on marrying for love later. She’s still maturing, so having a starter marriage that’s lucrative may not be a totally terrible idea.
Honestly at the end of the day, you want her to be happy, right? If she’s walked into this with eyes wide open, considered all the cons and still found the arrangement preferable, is it really the end of the world? What would your feelings be if she had chosen some other non traditional relationship?
Yeah in the old world where a little elbow grease was all you needed to afford a house, this would have been a coward’s move and creepy as hell.
Now, it beats the pants off of most jobs. Which is all the evidence you need of how much of a failure society has become. This situation should be awful, but it’s pretty nifty by comparison.
It’ll probably be a lot more than you were bargaining for, but it may be helpful to look into sugar daddy/baby and fin-dom (financial domination) relationships and how they work, as it sounds like this is likely the type of situation your daughter is in. I know that if I had kids, researching their kinks probably wouldn’t be the most comfortable thing in the world, but it may help you get a better understanding of the dynamics of their relationship. Generally speaking, these are pretty healthy relationships as long as both parties are fully onboard and consenting, which it sounds like is the case here.
Relationships like this are actually fairly common, but because of the stigmas surrounding them, people tend not to be super open about it. The fact that your daughter and son-in-law both seem to be on the same page and don’t mind letting you know about their arrangement, should probably be taken as a good sign.
Lmao just because he has more money doesn’t make it findom. That feels like a pretty wild leap to make without more info.
OP said that money is the “main reason” for their relationship. It’s not really that much of a leap at all.
I mean trophy wifes have been a thing for a long time - you’ve got actors like DeCaprio moving on to younger wives like clockwork.
Idk, it just seems like a stretch to assume the younger, poorer partner is the one in control. I’m not saying its for sure not the case but it wouldn’t be my first guess.
She herself stated money was the main reason, and he knows it but it doesn’t bother him.
Well both you and your daughter are honest people and so is her husband. That’s a pretty good foundation for a healthy relationship imo. Good knows people have married with worse :>
Reading the other comments it sounds like this might be a healthy relationship.
Idk if this is my own baggage talking but the only thing that comes to mind is has he been married before and how did that turn out?
If he marries women and divorces them and leaves them in a bad situation, then I guess she should be ready for him to do the same to her eventually. I wouldn’t suggest she go asking a lot of questions in a short period of time because I feel like this stuff comes out naturally over time but as she learns about it she should be aware of it and be prepared. (Do things like save money, get a degree or some other means of being able to support herself just in case shit happens.) I know people change, but I also know people don’t and can keep the same behavior from relationship to relationship.
I mean she married a rich guy she likes, at least if you take her word for it, and is basically set for life. Unless something goes wrong there’s really nothing to get used to.
Seems like a win/win for them.
how do you manage?
I’m relatively conservative, so probably a blend of bonds and market tracking index funds.
In this economy? Good on her.
