Like, seriously, I have had a few people talk about how my fiancé wasn’t conventionally attractive, but he’s attractive to me :)
Plus, he’s good to me, and I don’t date for looks. I’ve had conventionally attractive exes too who have been horrible people, so…
Apparently you meet very shallow people.
My dad included 😭
Oh goddddd the dad thinks his kid needs to chase hotter dudessss I’m gonna die
“My son only accepts the HIGHEST QUALITY DICK, I taught him to know his worth!”
Or just honest, open ones.
Honesty is telling the truth to people. Openness is feeling free to express yourself. Empathy is considering other people’s perspectives and taking their feelings into account. People should practice the last one before impulsively acting based on the first 2. It’s called being an adult member of society.
Lots of people navigate the world being more open and honest about things the way they are, rather than beating around the bush about everything that could possibly be sensitive.
Being nervous and awkward and avoiding the elephant in the room can draw more attention and self consciousness to it then not.
Being nervous and repressed doesn’t make you the be all arbiter of how to navigate the world.
Your personal judgements about others are not “an elephant in the room” that needs to be talked about. They are not objective facts. Ask yourself, when you think someone is unattractive, why is it so important to you that they know you think they are unattractive? What do you think you are accomplishing by bringing it up?
Let’s use the power of imagination, I can imagine a party where a group is having a conversation where everyone is talking about relative attractiveness and how privileged that’s made them in life, and the rather obviously unattractive partner has walked up and has been quiet for a while so someone makes a joke about the elephant in the room and they move on.
Who the fuck has conversations about people’s attractiveness? That shit is boring.
It’s not about being open and honest. It’s about that not being relevant. Your opinion on how someone looks isn’t relevant, helpful, or necessary unless it’s directly asked for.
There’s nothing awkward, nervous, or repressed about not going out of your way to open your mouth and make someone feel bad about themselves. You can simply not fucking say something that crosses your mind.
“Brutally honest” people are incredibly annoying. They think they’ve discovered a social cheat code so they can get away with being an absolute ass because they’re just an Honest Person™.
It’s not about being open and honest. It’s about that not being relevant. Your opinion on how someone looks isn’t relevant, helpful, or necessary unless it’s directly asked for.
They could have literally been having a conversation about their relative attractiveness when it came up. At the time I posted this, we didn’t have more context on what exactly was said, beyond the initial incredibly vague description of “people talk about how”.
beating around the bush
everything that could possibly be sensitive
Being nervous and awkward
avoiding the elephant in the room
self consciousness
You’re literally strawman-ing what I said. Empathy is considering others. It really is that simple…
I’m not straw-manning any more than you were, given the information at available at the time. and it’s perfectly possible to have commented on someone’s unattractiveness in an empathetic way.
In this case it sounds like neither their friend nor their father did, and I personally wouldn’t because it seems like a minefield, but I have seen cleverer friends and family navigate those minefields.
Sounds like someone didn’t check their empathy before posting honestly!
Nothing irks me more than the “sharing your unasked for opinion at any time is just telling the truth” crowd. Come on. You must know the difference between honesty and integrity for the sake of good communication and being insensitive because it’s “the truth.” You’re not being honest, regardless of the truth of your beliefs, you’re being a dick if you tell someone they’re not attractive without being asked.
If someone asks, “Am I attractive,” not fishing for compliments but asking for an opinion, you wouldn’t be a dick for saying “I wouldn’t describe you as conventionally attractive,” or “you aren’t my type, so not to me.” You would still be a dick for saying either of those things to someone who didn’t ask, or delivering your answer in an inconsiderate manner. Truth doesn’t make your words right. You can be correct and still very wrong.
Nothing irks me more than people who lump people into categories so they can rage out at a made up charicature and feel a social media vindication high.
Can you elaborate? What is “honest and open” about being rude to someone for no reason?
My friend is blunt, my dad is rude
Being shallow and being honest are not mutually exclusive. At all.
I can’t imagine caring that a happy family member or friend’s partner is less conventionally attractive, much less saying that to them!
You need to meet and surround yourself with less horrible people.
There are people who dress for comfort or the weather, and others dress to impress.
You can drive a car that’ll get you there, or you can drive one that makes people jealous.
The people who are concerned with how attractive their partner is to others, are the same people that are worried about how others view their material possessions.
I, too, am in a mixed attractiveness relationship. Though I’m on the opposite side as you. All I can say is if my wife was receiving those comments, she did not show it. After all these years I think her family and friends accept me.
But in all seriousness, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you are happy, then that’s all that matters.
Lots of people care only about status. If someone is better looking then that means to them that other people will see that they have won.
They would rather have someone they can show off at a party than a person who is actually compatible with them.
I’m pretty sure that it boils down to successful procreation genetics. As in, the more attractive you are the bigger the selection of mates you have access to. It’s been happening for as long as life has existed here.
No doubt this has across history been heavily distorted by culture, art and religion and in more recent times by fashion, marketing, advertising and media.
People notice things that they are self-conscious about. Not even that they’re necessarily insecure about it, but when you think about something a lot, you tend to notice it in other people as well.
So I’d say it’s because your friends and family think a lot about their own appearances. Likely because they’re insecure about their own appearances.
The only time I’ve ever cared about someone’s appearance, is if they are covered in festering boils or oozing sores. Because that shit looks contagious.
Exactly! And my fiancé has neither
It’s called “vanity”.
I seriously don’t know anyone who thinks that way, I’m sorry you have to deal with those sort of people.
The majority of people I have met only care that you are happy and the rest I ignore.
It’s ok 🫂
I agree with you.
Well for what its worth, if you’re happy I’m happy.
And if you aren’t happy you can talk to me even though I have no idea what I can do to help.
It’s a universal people red flag and automatic -500 karma. Only pitiful fools date for looks.
What do you mean by date for looks? I’d wager almost everyone thinks they date for more than just looks.
Because some people are just shallow.
I need to feel some level of attraction for it to work, but i try not to care about what others think. I also find that people i like/love grow more attractive over time.
My criteria for dating: someone I can snuggle at night after a long day. Ideally with cold feet and warm torso so I can choose my temperature.
I mean, did they talk about how he wasnt conventionally attractive or did they care about it?
Are they saying, “old ugly bob is coming by for dinner tonight, make sure to put out an extra setting”, or are they saying “don’t date bob because he’s old and ugly”?
“Ew, he’s ugly/He’s ugly, you can do better.”
Like, my blunt uncle might make a joke about a boyfriend being ugly and cracking a mirror or something, but he would never, ever, say something like ‘you can do better’ or ‘ew’.
There’s a line between being open and honest about someone’s attractiveness, and being cruel and a bad judge of character.
Yeah, those sound like crappy people that you’re talking to.
These people you are talk to are shallow and immature. As far as those people you have to choose from to talk to, you can do better.
