My daughter is 5 now. She’s discovered the joy of telling jokes. Unfortunately, her repertoire is painfully small. I’ve also realised most of my jokes are either not age appropriate or too situational.

What are best/worst kids jokes? Extra points for any that would make her teacher groan. Apparently she LOVES jokes. 😁

  • WhatsHerBucket@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    1
    ·
    2 months ago

    A big hole was dug at the police station. They’re currently looking into it.

    Why do firefighters wear red suspenders? Keeps their pants up.

    • tetris11@lemmy.ml
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      edit-2
      2 months ago

      *adult looks accusingly at the kid*
      *kid stares at his feet in cosmic bewilderment*

  • redwattlebird@lemmings.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    1
    ·
    2 months ago

    Knock knock

    Who’s there?

    Lettuce

    Lettuce who?

    Lettuce in and you’ll find out!


    Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?

    Because it didn’t have any body to go with

  • superduperpirate@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    1
    ·
    2 months ago

    Knock knock

    Who’s there?

    Who.

    Who who?

    You’re making a good owl!

    My parents told me this was my favorite joke when I was around your daughter’s age. Apparently I used the joke non-stop and my parents still laughed every time because of how much I cracked up at my own joke.

  • BlitzoTheOisSilent@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    1
    ·
    2 months ago

    Why’d the cookie go to the hospital?

    He was feeling crummy!

    What’d the envelope say to the stamp?

    Stick with me, kid, we’ll go places.

  • CarbonatedPastaSauce@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    1
    ·
    2 months ago

    What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

    What do you call a fish with no eyes? “Fsssssh” (only works if you say it out loud, and they know how to spell)

    • cynar@lemmy.worldOP
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      0
      ·
      2 months ago

      The start of one of my favourites, that fell completely flat.

      What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

      What big brown and sticky? A big stick.

      What brown and hurt if it fall on you from a tree? A piano.

      Que flat confused look.

      5 years olds can be a tough crowd.

      • Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        0
        ·
        2 months ago

        Gonna jump in here so you teach your kid right:

        Cue, pronounced “Q,” is the spelling for "time to go on stage or say your line " or in this case, “time to look confused.”

        Qué is pronounced “K” and is basically Spanish for what, although “por qué?” is “Why?”

        I know that because of the old joke about the lady crying at her husband’s coffin “Por qué, por qué?” And the coffin opened and said “Butter.” But the reference is too old.

        Anyway Queue is the last one, it’s English English, pronounced “Q” and means people standing in a line, just as all the silent letters are.

  • missingno@fedia.io
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    0
    ·
    2 months ago

    What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

    What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

    Why did the blind man fall in the well? He couldn’t see that well.

    A man goes to the doctor and says “I think I have hearing problems.” “Can you describe the symptoms?” “Sure! Homer’s fat and Marge has blue hair.”

    Did you hear about the huge sale at the Lego store? People were lined up for blocks.

    I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?” I said, “Yes please.” “No problem sir. Today is special.”

    I’d tell you a time travel joke, but you didn’t get it.

    I used to work at a toy factory making plastic Draculas. There were only two of us, so I had to make every second Count.