My daughter is 5 now. She’s discovered the joy of telling jokes. Unfortunately, her repertoire is painfully small. I’ve also realised most of my jokes are either not age appropriate or too situational.
What are best/worst kids jokes? Extra points for any that would make her teacher groan. Apparently she LOVES jokes. 😁
A big hole was dug at the police station. They’re currently looking into it.
Why do firefighters wear red suspenders? Keeps their pants up.
Why are chickens so cool?
B’caws
Knock knock
Owls
Owls whoo
Yes they do
do you have any holes in your socks?
no?
how’d you get your feet in there?
*adult looks accusingly at the kid*
*kid stares at his feet in cosmic bewilderment*
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and you’ll find out!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because it didn’t have any body to go with
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who?
You’re making a good owl!
My parents told me this was my favorite joke when I was around your daughter’s age. Apparently I used the joke non-stop and my parents still laughed every time because of how much I cracked up at my own joke.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Aww don’t cry, it’s just a joke!
Why’d the cookie go to the hospital?
He was feeling crummy!
What’d the envelope say to the stamp?
Stick with me, kid, we’ll go places.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
The interruptive cow
The interrup-
MOOOOOO
Don’t teach them this one unless you’re visiting a relative you don’t like
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
5yo love gross humor
Did you know that the US government keeps and provides access to a database of dad jokes on fatherhood.gov, one joke at a time?
You could also snag this full dad jokes database from kaggle which contains over 13k dad jokes.
Hope you both enjoy!
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? “Fsssssh” (only works if you say it out loud, and they know how to spell)
The start of one of my favourites, that fell completely flat.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What big brown and sticky? A big stick.
What brown and hurt if it fall on you from a tree? A piano.
Que flat confused look.
5 years olds can be a tough crowd.
Gonna jump in here so you teach your kid right:
Cue, pronounced “Q,” is the spelling for "time to go on stage or say your line " or in this case, “time to look confused.”
Qué is pronounced “K” and is basically Spanish for what, although “por qué?” is “Why?”
I know that because of the old joke about the lady crying at her husband’s coffin “Por qué, por qué?” And the coffin opened and said “Butter.” But the reference is too old.
Anyway Queue is the last one, it’s English English, pronounced “Q” and means people standing in a line, just as all the silent letters are.
I thought queue came from French
Where does the King keep his armies? In his sleevies!
Wanna hear my favorite knock knock joke? Great!
You start…
Knock knock
Who’s there?
The Spanish Inquisition!
Oh! Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you.
I would suggest a book of jokes specifically for kids. Like this one.
It’s free on Kindle Unlimited. You don’t even have to let your daughter know that you’re getting them from a book.
Assuming Kindle Unlimited is a paid service, the book isn’t free.
OMG! You’re technically correct but added nothing to the conversation! Congratulations!
It helped me out
What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
Why did the blind man fall in the well? He couldn’t see that well.
A man goes to the doctor and says “I think I have hearing problems.” “Can you describe the symptoms?” “Sure! Homer’s fat and Marge has blue hair.”
Did you hear about the huge sale at the Lego store? People were lined up for blocks.
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?” I said, “Yes please.” “No problem sir. Today is special.”
I’d tell you a time travel joke, but you didn’t get it.
I used to work at a toy factory making plastic Draculas. There were only two of us, so I had to make every second Count.
First 3 should get a good reaction. The rest require context I’m more sure she’s picked up on properly yet.
I don’t get the Simpsons one
Guess what? Chicken butt.
I have some sense of self preservation. She’s bad enough right now calling everyone a banana!