You can teleport, with these restrictions:

• Only between just inside front entrance of your residence and just inside front entrance of your workplace
• Cooldown on using it is 4 hours
• You can only take yourself, clothes you’re wearing, and whatever you can fit into a modestly sized backpack, laptop bag, or messenger bag
• You can’t take a coworker, partner, child, pet, or neighborhood crow with you
• If there is a valid warrant for your arrest, teleportation no longer works

Shame that Bradley probably can’t read…

Middle aged ADHDer here

I rawdogged ADHD my entire life until I was diagnosed within the past year. I’ve been on atomoxetine, but its effectiveness for me isn’t worth a bucket of warm piss. I’m going to see my pysch in a little while and ask what my other treatment options are. So I may well become one of those using stimulant treatments.

Same here. It’s been reasonably effective too.

A lifting cape seems like a safety hazard waiting to happen

Referencing an unpopular future possibility - “that’ll go over like a turd in a punch bowl”

Describing something you don’t miss - “I miss that like I’d miss a case of the clap”

Rain coming in at a weird angle - “this rain is like a cow pissing on a flat rock”

When someone says they wish some specific thing would happen - “wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up first”

When you’re unenthusiastic about something - “I’d rather shit in my hands and clap”

• Kevin Hart -> 5’2” / 158 cm
• The Rock -> 6’4” / 193 cm
• Shaq -> 7’1” / 216 cm
• Yao Ming -> 7’6” / 229 cm

Shame that Voyager doesn’t appear to have a way to input a clean table in a comment.

When I was in early elementary school, my dad would take me & my sister to the local mall. He would get us all books at the Waldenbooks - he would get a scifi pulp novel, I would get a Garfield book, and my sister would get a Calvin & Hobbes book. Then he’d take us to a restaurant there in the mall, and we’d have a nice leisurely lunch while reading our new books.

You are 100% correct

I didn’t have a bully in high school, but my middle school bully is serving a life sentence with no possibility of parole - he broke into an old woman’s house, raped her, murdered her, robbed her house, and got caught because he used her credit cards at the mall.

Chatgpt suggests that with a 0.3mm tip pen, and writing letters no more than 2mm x 2mm, you could fit roughly 1000 names per side of an a4 sheet.

So if you’re fine with the default means of killing, and use both sides of the paper, you could take out about 2000 people.

As far as how I would personally use it? I’d put down maybe two or three names per month. I don’t have the greatest fine motor skills around, so I could fit maybe 250 names per side at most.

Who would I target? Idk. My first thought would be people like Putin & Kim Jong Un, but the concern there is if those two chucklefucks suddenly die, their countries will descend into chaos and there’s no telling what will happen to their nukes.

Most any job I’ve ever had: drop a log on the boss’s desk

Two jobs ago: I worked at a teapot factory. If you walked the length of the plant floor and hit the emergency stop on each production line, that would be a good way to disappear quickly.

Ha! Not sure how much that would have helped, since I’d have still looked like Peter Griffin albeit with perky boobs.

Drunk: brazenly hitting on a lesbian who was holding hands with her partner

High: one time at the dentist, they gave me anesthesia prior to oral surgery (remember to brush & floss, kids). I was high enough that I thought they were going to give me a boob job instead of a root canal. Because I was high as a kite, I couldn’t really move or communicate, so I just went in & out of consciousness. This was a dozen or so years ago, and I just remember being confused the rest of the day about it.

Normal conversational speed: dubya

Enunciating: double you

Need to be unambiguous: whiskey

Ah, little Bobby Tables

I think I was around 10 when I first realized it.

What clued me in was my dad, whose favorite meal was a tuna sandwich and a diet coke, insisting that Santa didn’t want milk & cookies, Santa wanted a tuna sandwich and diet coke.

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Who.

Who who?

You’re making a good owl!

My parents told me this was my favorite joke when I was around your daughter’s age. Apparently I used the joke non-stop and my parents still laughed every time because of how much I cracked up at my own joke.

• in my jurisdiction, you have to meet certain criteria to be eligible for a mail in ballot, they don’t just get handed out willy nilly
• i don’t trust the post office with anything vitally important, like a ballot or money
• the early voting place is pretty close to my work, close enough that i hit it up a week and change ago on my lunch break

It’s a tongue in cheek way of referring to neurodivergence. The same way that someone might refer to neurotypical as neurobland.