• I'm back on my BS 🤪@lemmy.autism.place
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    2 months ago

    My most recent ex and her family. She was pushing for marriage toward the end of the relationship but I was getting sick of her crises of the week and her horrible family. I eventually saw a therapist that helped me realize that my ex was abusive, so I ended it with her and went no contact. I then went on a 6-month dive into learning about narcissists and abusive relationships. Once I learned that, I started noticing all of the fucked up shit she and her family did. They were seriously legit psychopaths. They were so bad that if they came out in a documentary about psychopaths, I would feel validated. I would think, “Yep, the world makes sense.”

    Looking back, the way her two brothers-in-law behaved made so much sense. One was was a complete anxious wreck. I never saw him last more than 15 mins in any social gathering with the family, even leaving his own wife’s birthday party at his house once her family arrived. He also didn’t allow anyone to be physically behind him, was typically alone even in social events, and always carried a gun. The few times my ex and I offered to help him with something, he was quite suspicious and declined. I was never able to meet up with him one-on-one no matter how many times I tried to reach out to him over a period of about 6 months. I’m almost certain that the sisters did not want that to happen, so they sabotaged any chances.

    The other brother-in-law was clearly disassociated from reality. You could tell by looking at him that he seemed to not be mentally there. It was like he was somewhere else in his mind. His eyes wouldn’t focus on objects, he would not have emotional reactions to things, and had a fake smile on no matter the situational discomfort. Think of people yelling at each other, a horror movie playing at full volume, and something burning in the kitchen, yet this dude is calm and smiling like everything was great. It was odd. Towards the end, he was dropping hints at me like, “I have never seen [your ex] care about how her behaviors affect men,” and told me that, “To survive in this family, you need to understand the Stockdale Paradox.” Btw, the Stockdale Paradox was a mental approach that an American POW in Vietnam used to survive imprisonment while others died. He would also send me songs that were quite depressing, almost as if they were a call for help. I remember thinking that he was trying to tell me he was in pain through songs but couldn’t directly tell me for fear of his wife (my ex’s sister) finding out.

    In retrospect, both brothers-in-law were prisoners. The anxious one was in permanent fight-or-flight mode, while the other one was implicitly telling me the hell he was in. I think about the latter from time to time. He was a good guy surrounded by psychopaths. Imagine the hell someone is living if they need to engage in POW tactics to survive their spouse and her family. It would not surprise me in anyway if I found out that guy killed himself one day.

    I learned the real meaning of “don’t stick your dick in crazy”. It’s not that they will get obsessed, stalk you on social media, demand attention, or break your heart. It’s that your judgment will be clouded and that will prevent you from protecting yourself, ultimately seriously ruining your life. Those two men are stuck without a way out. However, let’s say that if by some miracle either of them escape, they will never fully recover. The emotional injuries they have suffered have caused permanent damage.

    tl;dr: the bullet I dodged was imprisonment with a family of legit psychopaths.

    • jpreston2005@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      The Stockdale Paradox

      James C. Collins related a conversation he had with James Stockdale regarding his coping strategy during his period in the Vietnamese POW camp.[21][non-primary source needed] When Collins asked which prisoners didn’t make it out of Vietnam, Stockdale replied:

      Oh, that’s easy, the optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart. This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

      Collins called this the Stockdale Paradox.

      Damn, man

    • nomad@infosec.pub
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      2 months ago

      Imprisoned guy here. This reads like my life story of the last 10 years. Funnily enough I realized all the abusive shit, but the dick still thought love was possible although I knew how a real relationship feels. Sadly the dick also decided to have another two kids to the accidental in the mix so I’m in prison for at least the next 20 years.

      Edit: loving the hell out of the kids though, gotta protect them from becoming like mom.

  • orcrist@lemm.ee
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    2 months ago

    One year, Alaska. Hiking with friend on boulder field. We stop for a break, I stand below friend on the slope. 3-foot rock rolls down at me, luckily I was balanced enough to pivot out of the way.

    Next year, nearby. High speed car accident with moose. I hit the brakes just before the moose. Came through the windshield a foot to the right of my head.

    Alaska’s an amazing place, but it has its share of dangers too.

  • Clbull@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    My ex wanted to get back together with me. We went for food, I insisted on splitting the bill. She blocked me afterwards.

  • jpreston2005@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Making the long drive back from where I grew up, to where I live now. about 1.5 hours into a 9 hour car ride. On a two lane highway going through some rolling hills, a grass median with a small metal divider separating the lanes. I am traveling up over a hill that rounds to the right, before turning back left and going down the hill on the other side.

    As I am heading to the right around the first corner, I see a burst of dust, following quickly by a large black SUV, that has lost control on the curve, ripped right through the metal barrier, and is headed directly at me. I swerve to the right (thankfully nobody was in the lane next to me), and this SUV barrels right past me, without a hint of slowing, missing me by inches. It would have been a 70 mph+ head-on collision, but instead it sailed right past me (and I mean sailed. it was airborne as there was a small ramp up to the highway from the median, I remember how the tires looked like they were outstretched, reaching for the ground, as it rocketed past me).

    I was shaking like a leaf for minutes, had to call my mom just to excitedly ramble at her until I calmed down. If I had gone up the hill any slower than I had, I wouldn’t have had time to swerve.

  • indepndnt@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    When I was a teenager, I was hanging out with my brother who is 8 years older while he was fucking around with his .45 (probably ostensibly cleaning it) and it was pointed towards me when for some reason the slide suddenly released and the live round that was inexplicably involved jammed in the mechanism.

    So I mean, I guess I didn’t dodge a bullet, but I think I got pretty lucky.

  • Bobr@lemmy.libertarianfellowship.org
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    2 months ago

    As a Ukrainian, I can’t even imagine ever dodging a bigger bullet than when I left Ukraine before the war started…

    If I had stayed there I’d have to either constantly hide from the “draft officers” or risk my life trying to either (of course illegally) cross the border to Romania through mountains/rivers or to the occupied territorries. Or I’d just be dead already from a shell…

    Literally life versus death decision.

      • Bobr@lemmy.libertarianfellowship.org
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        2 months ago

        I am… not exactly sure actually.
        I had to register with “draft office” before I left the country, so they definitely know about me.
        Probably I’m not considered a criminal for now, as members of my family who are still in Ukraine did not receive a “draft notice” addressed to me. If they do ever receive it though, then probably I’ll be considered a criminal shortly after (because obviously I am not going to answer it).
        I don’t closely follow the new laws they pass though… Maybe I am already a criminal because I didn’t update my data with the “draft office” or something 🤷‍♂

          • Bobr@lemmy.libertarianfellowship.org
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            2 months ago

            That’s a good question :)

            If it’s “going back to live there” - then almost definitely no.

            If it’s “going back temporarily” - then I don’t know.

            I neither have any property there nor I feel strong “connection” to it , so the only reason for me to go there is to visit my family/friends, but I hope they will be able to visit me instead.

            It mostly depends on whether I’ll be able to go there without repercussions.

  • CaptSatelliteJack@lemy.lol
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    2 months ago

    I work at a bank call center. One time I had someone call to check the balance on an account they recently opened with us. The bank I work for is regional, and this caller was on the other side of the country. The account number they gave pointed to an expensive private school in our area. When I asked for more information, the caller said they gave someone 500$ to open the account for them, and that person gave them some checks from us with that account number. I got my lead on the line, did some more Q&A, and we determined this person had been scammed, and given fake checks. The lead said they would close the account. The next week I get a direct message from the fraud investigation team director asking me why this account wasn’t closed. I was able to provide a screenshot of the message from my lead saying they were going to close the account. They thanked me and that was it. I went to check on it, and over 60,000$ in fraudulent checks had cleared the account in that week. I’ve only been working there a few months, and I’m 60,000% sure they would have dropped me like a hot potato on the spot.

    • bamboo@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      2 months ago

      Is it normal for a call center rep or lead to close customer accounts? I’d assume that the fraud department would be the ones making that decision and handling issues raised. Anyway, I’m glad you had the receipts to prove it wasn’t your fault.

      • CaptSatelliteJack@lemy.lol
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        2 months ago

        Honestly, it’s not typical, but neither was the rest of this situation. In cases where it’s that clear there’s fraud on the account, leads absolutely have the authority to either close or approve the closure of the account. I can’t speak for all banks, but as far as I know, all leads at our centers have worked on the fraud teams, so they’re very well versed in these matters.

  • LifeOfChance@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Many MANY years ago when I was a child I woke up to use the restroom and my parents were sitting on the floor not realizing I had gone to the bathroom until after and as I came out they had me go over to them on the floor and I fell asleep on their laps. It wasn’t for DECADES later that I learned what had happened. There was a drive by and they were waiting on the cops to show up. 4 houses were hit. I fell asleep and got moved back into my room just before the cops got there

  • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
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    2 months ago

    When I was ~19yo, we went to a rave and I let a kid I didn’t know borrow my glow sticks. He lost them and gave me caffeine pills to try to compensate me. Cops saw the exchange and made me pull them out of my pocket. I had ecstasy in the same pocket and got lucky that I didn’t pull out the wrong pills (while rolling face).

    When I was 18yo, someone tried to rob us at gunpoint for acid we were selling. Cops got involved and bluffed to both me and my roommate that the other had admitted to selling pot and that was the robbery (we weren’t selling pot, so both didn’t admit to anything). The cops dropped the sheet of acid that was hidden in a porno box when they searched our apartment and we found it on the floor.

    In either case, I could have gone to prison for enough time to destroy my future.

  • AgentGrimstone@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    I was seriously considering accepting a remote job where they apparently make their employees install spyware so the employer can see employees through the webcam to make sure they’re at their desk working.

  • silly goose meekah@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    I was playing around with electronics from the trash with my brother. We found a lamp with what we figured was a broken fuse. To test this theory, we wanted to take the fuse out of the system. So what do we do? I hold the cables together using two pliers. Our theory was right. But I ended up slightly shifting the wires so they weren’t in contact anymore. Suddenly 240v were traveling through my arms and my muscles tensed, causing me to grab the pliers really tightly, unable to let them go. My brother saved my life by being smart and cool headed enough to just unplug the lamp after 2-3 seconds. I dont think I ever came closer to dying than that time.

  • theherk@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Was playing with firework artillery shells once in the 90’s on a farm. One of the launch tubes fell over and my friends watched in horror as I had won this little “spin the bottle”. A large shell careened by my face within a few centimeters.

    I still can taste the copper and feel the impact that smashed my face and caused me to die in that other timeline. Terrifying.

  • revdrnegative@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Friend and I were sitting on a top of a small mtn, hear gunshot in the distance, rural area didn’t think about it too much All of a sudden we both hear a wizz and a ricochet between our heads… Look at each and run… That was scary… …Edited for clarity… Sorry…

    • kurcatovium@lemm.ee
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      2 months ago

      It’s weird, this way it would be subsonic ammunition. Maybe another shot? Still crazy as fuck though! Where in the world things like this happen?