Idk how common it was but it’s a good example of a “third place”. A spot that isn’t work or home where you can meet and socialize
I wish we could have third places that don’t involve fucking up your body.
Even with NA (low/non-alcoholic) beverages, it’d be nice to have third places that don’t come with an obligation to spend money.
To be clear, I’m not asking for places that ban spending money, but there are third places like parks (eg NYC Central Park) that are destinations in their own right, but one can also spend money there, such as buying stuff and having a picnic on the grass, or bringing board games and meeting up with friends. Or strolling the grounds astride rental e-bikes. Or free yoga.
Where there’s an open space, people make use of it. But we don’t really have much of that in the USA, that isn’t tied up as a parking lot, an open-space preserve (where people shouldn’t tred upon to protect wildlife), or are beyond reasonable distances (eg BLM land in the middle of Nevada).
Parks and libraries are really nice. Most other third places seem to want you to spend money, that’s my experience here in northern Europe anyway.
Also, in places with significant winters (including Northern Europe) parks aren’t an option in winter.
Northern Europe seems like the kind of place that would realize this is a problem and invent some kind of community building which was open in the winter and had a shared kitchen, a stock of board games, a court for indoor sports, etc. That’s certainly not going to happen in the US.
In Northern Europe, that’s called a library.
The one in Helsinki has board games, media stations for watching films or listening to music, gaming consoles, PCs with design and CAD software, VR rooms, 3D printers and other fabrication machines, conference rooms, study rooms, workshops for fixing things, recording and photo studios, a shared kitchen, a cinema, a playground…Oh, and books.
You mean like the YMCA?
Well, definitely not a Christian association.
Nothing religious about the Y anymore. For many years
Everywhere I’ve lived in the US has had plenty of public parks. As a teenager I’d hang out with my friends in them. Hell I’ve been to big community picnics at a park.
The thing is it’s easier to hang out online all the time and people aren’t looking to socialize at parks when there aren’t events.
I’d say the qualities of the average American park leaves much to be desired, when compared to NYC Central Park, San Diego’s Balboa Park, or SF’s Presidio.
In suburban areas, the municipal park tends to be a monoculture of grass plus maybe a playground, a parking lot, and if lucky, a usable bathroom. Regional parks are often nicer, with amenities like pickleball courts or a BMX park, though asking for benches (not rocks or concrete verges, but actually bench seats) and shade might be a stretch.
My point is that the USA has fewer parks and public squares than it ought to. I don’t mean just a place to go jogging or to push a stroller along, but a proper third space where people actively spend time and create value at. Where street vendors congregate because that’s also where people congregate. A place that people – voluntarily, not by necessity, eg a train station but not to catch a train – would like to be. A destination in its own right, where even tourists will drop by and take in the air, the sights, and the social interactions.
Meanwhile, some parts of the USA actively sabotage their parks, replacing normal park furniture with versions that are actively hostile to homeless people, while alienating anyone that just wants an armrest as they sit down. Other municipalities spend their Parks & Rec funds on the bare minimum of parks, lots that are impractically tiny. Why? Because a public park can be used to exclude registered sex offenders from a neighborhood, leading to the ludicrous situation where whole cities are an exclusion zone. Regardless of one’s position on how to punish sex offenses, the denial of housing and basic existence is, at best, counterproductive.
So I reiterate: the USA might have a good quantity of parks, but not exactly good quality of parks. People will socialize online unless they are given actual options to socialize elsewhere. And IRL options would build value locally, whereas online communities only accrue to the benefit of the platforms (eg Facebook, WhatsApp) they run on.
The problem is in parks everyone is too spread out to talk to strangers. There needs to be a park with a bar to bring everyone together.
Church
We need church without religion
I jokingly asked my wife if she’d go to basically church but reading from Marx instead and despite neither of us being marxists it actually sounded like something we’d go to
But also seriously look into if you have a local community center or library and what events they host. Stuff like that often struggles to find attendees
I do think there’s a special thing about church that is this bigger than yourself experience that you share with your community that just isn’t quite replicated in events like art clubs or whatever, volunteering is probably closer
Depending on the community near you, Unitarian Universalists sometimes have basically that. I’ve been an atheist since I was four, but I have no problem with other people being religious and it was perfect for me. If you’re the type to be annoyed by people talking about the universe in a way that suggests the supernatural, you might not want to deal with even the UU’s very mild language. When I went as a kid, we learned about volcanoes in Sunday School, as a gauge for how religious they are.
Or if you want evil church without religion, can I interest you in crossfit?
That’s like a car without wheels
We have those. They’re called boats.
That’s not a car
Even if you find one where there isn’t an emphasis on tithes or donation, that’s not exactly a space set up for public socializing. It’s a private space, used by a dedicated and defined group, for socializing within that group. Outsiders may be welcome, but they’re only welcome within that structure.
People downvote, but you’re not wrong and it’s probably the most common example in rural areas
Hacker/makerspace.Coffee/tea shops. Library. Community Center.
Public libraries are great third places. Larger ones often have classes, groups, and social clubs. And you’ll meet like-minded people just by becoming a regular.
Check your library. They do all kinds of activities.
I should tbh
Your local gym? CrossFit box? Football/soccer club? Community centre? Library? Outdoor? Scouts?
Community center and library sure, I wouldn’t really consider the rest a third space.
For the non religious, that’s where clubs like the Shriners, or Lions come in. Social clubs that don’t revolve entirely around alcohol
Honestly I’m cool with fucking up my body to have a good time, I just wish it didn’t cost me $200 for the privelege.
It used to be the Mall. It was always a place to hang out, meet friends, window shop, eat, see a movie, etc.
When I was a kid, the local mall even included the local library. I thought that was a great idea, but I never saw another mall with a library.
May I introduce you to your lord and savior Jesus Christ? He’s got a third place for you.
N o
😂
On the reals, I have an atheist friend who started volunteering at a church literally for this reason. I totally understood where he was coming from. If I didn’t have a family and wanted a way to spend time with other people, I’d probably do the same.
Yeah I mean I have family who’ve worked at them before, I get it but I can’t support something I feel causes so much harm
I’ve never heard of a concept of a third place. Seems like everybody should have one.
Still is common, most bars have their regulars
Yeah. Few times a week I go to mine to chat with all the locals over two or three beers then head home. It’s a nice way to wind down, be out, and socialise at a really low intensity. No organising is needed, just arrive and there’ll be someone there you know.
That was kind of the point of pubs (public house). A place for the community to meet up in any weather and have a good time together whether games, sharing stories, or having a meal. The smaller the town, the friendlier and more tight the patrons are too. Also great places to frequent when travelling, meeting new locals, getting great travel advice, making friends for the few days you’re there.
Yeah, I used to finish work, walk down to my local pub, have dinner and a few drinks then go home to bed, good meals, good people to talk to, I kinda miss it but I don’t drink anymore.
It still is. There’s bars like that in every town.
I’m an outlier because I live in a walkable neighborhood in a city. But I have 10 breweries within walking distance around my house. I know the owners by name for 2 of these breweries and the bartenders know me for 4 of them. I think they all know my dog.
I usually go with my wife and/or girlfriend about 2-4 days a week, but it’s still very much a hang out.
We’re also Friday regulars to a semi-close bar every Friday because I won a free beer/week for a year in a $25 raffle!
I usually go with my wife and/or girlfriend
Ok, sorry. I just wanted to post that finally. Also, I was remembering that one clip that always gets put in compilations about that guy and his wife and her bf. Anyway, carry on.
Being polyam in Seattle is great. All of my coworkers know I’m poly and just accept it. All the bartenders know too. Makes it easy for them to start the tab.
But does your wife have a bf?
Not yet! I think she thinks I’m already enough to handle 😂
You have a wife and a girlfriend AND you can afford to go to a bar every night? Must be nice to be in the 1%! 😉
Tech jobs in Seattle go crazy! We make ends meet since we all have some kinda job. Not too crazy since we’re still renting. But eventually we want to be permanent in. Seattle!
You want to Settle in Seattle? 😸
With a wife and an and/or-girlfriend I don’t think he’s settling at all…!
Umm, I’m in my 40s and I do… 😬
Granted it isn’t like Cheers, I just need the change of scenery since I work from home 10-20 hours a day.
I work from home 10-20 hours a day.
That’s fair. Drinking at one’s workplace is usually frowned upon.
usually, upper management go for their hour and a half long lunches and come back blitzed is not uncommon, at least in the workplaces I’ve been.
A lot of blue collar workers went straight to the bar after work 3-4 days a week.
I did sheet metal back in the 90’s for a year. Typical day… start at 6, off at 2:30, bar from 3-5. Pretty much everyday.
I live in a tiny NE college town where that happens but for breakfast at a dive coffeeshop. It’s loud, packed, the food and coffee are meh, but every single day I can walk in there and see 5-10 locals eating breakfast and shooting the breeze. There’s cliques who always sit together, and social butterflies who pick a different group every morning. A bottomless mug of coffee is $3, so folks will just come and hang out from like 8-11am. It’s great fun.
There’s a brewery next door that’s often busy at night but generally it’s a quiet town so folks are home chilling after dinner.
I like that in the US, New England (NE) is in the North East (NE).
Could be Nebraska.
That sounds awesome.
It really is the dream
Used to be? This is still common in many industries and localities.
Remember, no internet before this millenium, 3 to 7 television channels before cable, no TV before the 50s…
Some of the older old dudes I’ve worked with used to. I actually convinced one of the avocado toast whiners he was wrong based on bar cost now and back in his day
Yes, even in countries like Austria. Saddest thing was that many men that were ‘great pals’ while drinking turned into abusers when coming home, making their families co-dependents and their lives hell.
It’s fairly common right now, too.
How can anyone afford to go to bars anymore? Drinking at home is much cheaper.
Depends what your drinking and how fast. You find places that have cheaper drinks tend to be the ones where there’s more regulars
any area with bars has a cheaper bar usually, my main college bar was hella cheap, always had a deal everyday, most nearby bars had deals once a week or specials for locally brewed stuff that was a lot cheaper than buying it elsewhere. I could black out easily off 50$ vs sf which is like 2 one shot drinks maybe for that amount
$50 is a lot to spend on booze. I can just stay and home and black out on $5 with a beer and three 100 proof shooters.
Well at the college bar I couldve spent 20$ to black out with 4 pitchers depending on the day, sf id get one drink maybe
Get buzzed first then go out and coast with a few drinks
It’s technically considered depression & alcoholism to drink alone in one’s house.
Most people use alcohol to unwind & socialize so they do it in social environments.
Ah found the extrovert
I was just speaking from what I’ve observed in others’ behavior. I literally have never had alcohol in my life, nor do I ever “go out,” especially not to bars. None of that appeals to me.
Ok
Or maybe I’m just introverted. Kind offensive to assume that I’m depressed just because I prefer drinking alone. I mean I am depressed, but not due to a lack of socialization. Drinking is a lot more enjoyable in a peaceful environment, away from loud music, obnoxious drunks, and potential police interactions.
It’s not “technically considered depression & alcoholism” to have a drink alone at home. That’s just not true. 🤷♂️
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt 😉
Very cutesy reply. I see you looking down on people who choose to drink elsewhere in this thread. I don’t know if you think alcoholism is funny, or depression is funny, or if you’re just running your mouth about things you don’t understand, but you’re being a bit silly.
My dad was an alcoholic. And I’m well-acquainted with depression. None of this is funny. And I think people who put poison into their bodies are idiots. That shouldn’t even be an opinion. People who put poison into their bodies are idiots. Period. They’re hurting themselves and everyone & everything around them. Just so they can drink something that makes them feel good for a minute.
I even dated a high-functioning alcoholic for 6 years. Same story. Alcohol was more important to him than anyone or anything else in the world no matter how hard he pretended otherwise.
When I say I’m thirsty it means I literally need water. When he said he was thirsty, he meant he needed alcohol. He looked at me like I had three heads when I drank water. He couldn’t even imagine drinking water.
Regarding putting poisons into our bodies, generally a bad idea unless it’s chemotherapy or something prescribed by a doctor who knows the benefits outweigh the risks etc.
I turned legal drinking age this year and alcoholic drinks at bars and events is so expensive. $8-$14 for anything that isn’t beer. Not enough to get a buzz for more than 10 minutes. Back to mocktails for me. I also am extremely socially awkward and don’t know how to order so maybe that’s got something to do with it
I also am extremely socially awkward
That’s what the booze is supposed to help with. Whether or not it does is up for debate but it certainly makes you worry less and that’s a huge part of awkwardness.
People think alcohol fixes problems, really it only makes problems worse & causes more problems.
Anyone who thinks alcohol “fixes problems” is probably not a serious person. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of someone who truly believes that. It’s kind of an absurd notion. Unless you’re being extremely pedantic, the problem is “getting money”, and you’re working at a brewery or tending bar, etc.
Alcohol is, however, an inextricable part of the human experience throughout the world. I literally can’t think of a culture for whom some form of fermented grain/fruit/sugar wasn’t a significant element in their cultural development at some point in history.
Many Native American cultures did not know about alcohol before it was introduced by Europeans, same in Australia and New Zealand. The many deleterious effects of colonization are certainly “a significant element in their cultural development” but maybe not in the way you intended.
People who drink do indeed report that in the height of inebriation, everything in their lives feels quite good & well. Then they report the hell of the hangover the next day, and the craving for more alcohol so they can feel good again. A perpetual cycle of drunkenness that eventually affects career & family & finances & domicile stability.
Alcohol is, however, an inextricable part of the human experience
I’ve never had alcohol in my life. Poisoning oneself does not need to be normalized.
I wouldn’t necessarily say it fixes problems and if it does it certainly isn’t free of cost in more than one way. I do think it can temporarily lessen some anxieties that one might view as obstacles to happiness because they impede one’s ability to engage in meaningful social interaction. I also think that making friends and finding romantic partners are learned behaviors that you need practice to get good at. If alcohol can help you be social enough to make friends in a new place or find a partner then I can see why someone would say it fixed a problem for them. It’s certainly more expedient and cost effective than therapy to get past your hangups would be.
That said, that sort of “responsible” use of alcohol isn’t without its drawbacks and risks. I don’t know how common it is either. Perhaps that’s just what people who like to drink tell themselves to avoid feeling shame about their behavior.
Yes, my dad was one of them. I haven’t gone to a bar for years but it used to be most smaller bars had at least a few regulars that basically lived there. I remember one old vet that used to show up every day as soon as the bar would open for his daily fix… It got to the point the bar refused to serve him, so he would try and get unsuspecting customers to buy them for him. (This was in the 70’s and 80’s, there were (or at least seemed to be) a lot more alcoholics back then.)
Also booze used to be a LOT cheaper, so it wasn’t nearly as expensive as it would be now.
I remember stories from my dad about a guy he knew where the bar maid would have to help him with the first drink in the morning because his hands would shake so much.
The romantic history of the happy drunk is almost entirely fictional. I say almost because I know a few people who are able to take it or leave it, but for the most part the people I know/knew who were drinking either in bunches or daily end up complete and unabridged alcoholics, whether they are active and in serious trouble or have sought help and straightened up, but cannot touch it.
I’m one of the rare happy drunks. Don’t drink often, I’m an extremely quiet person usually. But get a few beers in me and my wife says I won’t shut up but she also says it’s the only time she gets to talk to me. I don’t know why, I can’t hold a conversation when I’m sober. Never know what to talk about, my work life is boring so nothing interesting ever happens.
When I have a few, it’s likeeverything just starts coming out.
You sound very much like me.
When sober I’m Mr doesn’t talk a lot (but I will listen) after a beer or two I’m away with the chat.
I become become very vocal…
Yeah, I wouldn’t want to spend that much everyday, I’ll just have some beers at home for 1/5th the price
The extra price was so they weren’t drinking alone, or to avoid going home.
I’ve never been a big drinker but I have a few places around me where beer is $3. And the actual place my wife and I go if we do feel like drinking is our local VFW. I can get a 24 oz frosty on tap for like 2.50. and a jack and coke for 3. Last time we went out drinking spent like $30 total and we were both drunk
Damn - I’m in Seattle and it’s rare to find $6 drafts anymore.
Yes, and it’s still pretty common.
