The semester is starting back up and i’m terrible at speaking words.
This doesn’t have to be aimed at college students, just conversation starters anywhere would be very much appreciated.
Start talking about The Spanish Inquisition. Nobody ever expects that.
This is an old post i saved for this kind of moment so here ya go.
About 6 or 7 years ago my college roommate told me: Conversation isn’t something any one person is good or bad at, it’s a skill like anything else. Everything changed once I thought about it like this.
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The more new people you talk to the easier it is. Especially the opposite sex.
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Everyone else has their own anxieties and fears. They’re just better at hiding it or masking it than you. Use this to your advantage to point out things you have in common and relate to them.
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When someone talks, LISTEN. Don’t worry about your posture, your dog, your clothing. Listen to them. If you don’t understand something, stop them and ask. Engage with them. Everyone you meet knows something you don’t know.
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Ask open ended questions. Don’t ask, “Did you have a good day?” Instead ask “What was the best part about your day?” “What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about your job?” Make them feel important. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. So do you. Take that feeling and shove it way down. When they ask about you, that’s your turn to shine. If they don’t, you don’t really want to be friends anyway.
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Never one-up people. Even if you are way better, or know way more than the person talking to you, build them up.
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If someone is telling a story or saying something and they get cut off, find the next opportunity to bring them back in. “Hey, _______ you were talking about X, what did you want to say?”
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Laugh at their jokes. Laugh at your jokes. We’re all weird brains walking around in these skin things. Don’t take it so seriously.
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You will remember your mistakes WAY more than anyone else. Stop taking yourself so seriously.
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My last and 2nd most important tip. Start every conversation with a compliment. I don’t care if they’re a dude and you’re straight as fuck. I don’t care if they’re mean, evil to you, or disagree with you politically in every way. Find something about the way they look, and compliment it. Someone did this to me once when I was a new guest at someone’s apartment. “Hey man, that’s an awesome jacket, where’d you get it?” I fucking loved that jacket. And I was self conscious about it. I felt instantly at home.
Take the things you like, and be that person for someone else. If you’re on a date, be genuinely interested in that person.
These are things that worked for me. Find your own style.
The #1 tip!! Go into EVERY room as if people will like you. Seriously. Walk through any door, in front of any group of people and smile. They. Will. Like you. Keep that in the front of your mind and you will enjoy conversations with anyone.
With #4, don’t be surprised if they give you a short almost unengaged answer. They might not be warmed up, they might have something else going on ,or they just aren’t interested. Either way, give them a couple of chances to signal if they want to join your flow. If not, that’s cool… Just move on.
As someone who used to be terrible at socializing but had to learn because I’m an extrovert you’ve more or less summed it up.
Charisma is real and it’s a factor, but it’s more like having a good voice and natural presence for public speaking rather than the skills to confront stage fright, properly comport yourself on stage, and work with an audience. A person with 0 interpersonal charisma may never be making a living off socialization, but if they build skills they can easily be well liked and have plenty of friends and a partner. Meanwhile a person with a ton of charisma and no social skills is going to have a hard time keeping people around.
But yeah, practice, practice, practice. And as someone else said, benign comments are great tools. “Some weather we’ve been having”, complimenting something someone is wearing especially if it’s bold (as someone who likes bold looks “that [thing] is bold and you make it work” is great), or even "ugh this is way too [early/late/midday] for this [everyday bullshit]
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You hear about Pluto? That’s messed up!
Hello, fellow Psycho
Weekend plans are a good conversation topic with anyone you’re already talking to. People spend their weekends with the people they like, going to places they like, doing the things they like. Talking about what people did the last weekend reveals what’s important to them, and is a glimpse into their interests and hobbies. If those overlap with yours, you’ve got something to talk about. Even if they don’t, maybe ask about them anyway, and see if you can learn something new about a new interest or hobby.
Situational commentary is a great way to start. Look around, comment on what you see to your soon-to-be conversation partner. Especially easy if anything out of the ordinary happens: thunderstorm, someone busking, squirrel appears etc. Make a comment, ask a question, go with the flow
Correct answer.
“Have you noticed gum has gotten mintier lately?”
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Not much room for dialogue from there.
A university-specific one: look up what the agenda of your student leadership is currently debating, then say “hey I heard the student body president is trying to [thing]” and go from there. You might accidentally learn about yourself along the way.
Bruh nobody even cares about the student gov in uni
Hi.
Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
He was sitting on the deck.
What music/game/ movie have you been into lately ?
What have you created lately?
How do you feel about the inevitable heat death of the universe and the patriarchy?
All normal things
I don’t feel like I can give you literal conversation starters that aren’t super boring or generic (like chats about the weather), without way more context than is possible to obtain at this stage.
But, one thing that did help me strike conversations and eventually friendships with people, was just hanging around campus doing stuff that piqued other people’s interest.
A couple of times it was me playing on my Nintendo 3DS between lectures, and once someone even came up to me to compliment my Sony Discman.
Other times it might be something as simple as there not being any empty tables in the cafeteria, so you ask to sit with someone. If they’re not clearly busy or studying, you might start by asking what course they do, how they’re finding it, etc. These are all fairly passive approaches though, and that’s possibly related to my extreme introversion.
A slightly more active suggestion – take advantage of group assignments! (As much as I hate them.) Make plans to meet up. Get a few hours of work done together then hang out with a few beers or a soda or whatever. Win-win.
Some classics™ include
- do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ?
- do you wanna get paid to see the world? Just sign here!
But as someone who went to high school and, until the final year, did not know the names of all classmates, it’s fair to say that I didn’t really care about that at all. Maybe I’m just autistic lol
Just talk about the subject you’re getting a Bachelor‘s degree in and go on from there.
Hello fellow humans! Have you consumed any good carbohydrates today?
“Don’t mean to brag, but I just shit myself.” 😏
