This is becoming more common in my town. I just either feel like an ass saying I dont have cash, or lying, but I also can’t be giving out 20’s to everyone who asks.
I feel bad for most of them but at the same time I get anxiety walking down the sidewalk and seeing someone up ahead that I know is going to ask me for money. Its not like you can say “oh no, I donate to services that help the needy” because that person isn’t necessarily being helped by that. And ignoring completely feels so mean, plus I tried that one time and the person was screaming at me as i walked away that I ignored them.
I also dont want my city to round them up and send them to prison camps, something they are planning and that I know a lot of people would vote for just to “get rid of them” but im not supporting that at all.
Its tough.
Ignore and donate to a local shelter and/or kitchen. Do not encourage street harassment. I know it sucks and I know a lot of people are hurting. But community aid should not be divided based on who is the loudest, most aggressive, or most “convincingly in need” based on appearance. (If someone is hungry or thirsty by all means hook up the people in need in your community, never hurts to share food and water)
Or who can fight for that begging spot
I made it a personal rule that if I have a $5, it goes to whoever asks. I don’t seek people out, but if it’s asked, and I have that five dollar bill with me, it’s theirs.
Have to pretend they’re not there. It’s awful. But I don’t think that if I give them a few quid they’ll turn their life around
I prefer to donate to food banks
My wife & I were going into a restaurant one afternoon, and there was a man in a wheelchair with no legs below the knee sitting next door at the exit to Walmart. His sign said that he was a homeless vet. As we started in, I told my wife to hold on, and I ran over and gave him $20. When I got back, my wife said, “Did you just give that guy 20 bucks?” I said, “Yep, why?” She said, “You know he’s just going to spend it on alcohol.” I said, “I hope so, the guy ain’t got no legs, let him have a good drink!”
I heard that story once on reddit tho. Are you just saying a story, or was it you?
That was probably me on Reddit. I’ve probably posted it there on a similar post.
This isn’t the best approach necessarily, but it’s a feel-good thing: If they’re intercepting me as I go to a store, I refuse to give money, but offer to buy them something to eat inside (or whatever else they need). I hold to those promises and they’re generally grateful.
I also sometimes give money if someone isn’t actively accosting about it. It’s down to what I can afford, too.
I tell them the truth, I don’t have any cash on me.
On the rare ocassion i do, I’ll give $10 - $20. Because I’ve been on the position where $20 is the difference between eating today or not, and it’s terrifying.
Yeah same, I give them money, but I don’t usually carry cash.
In the northeastern U.S. I’ve mostly learned to acknowledge them, don’t give anything, and move on with my life.
Not sure if it’s bad luck or what, but nearly every time I’ve tried to be nice and offer them something it always backfires. I’ll be passing by with some food and they’ll ask me for some, I give them some and then they tell me it wasn’t enough and to give them all the food I was carrying. Like WTF?
Another time I actually had some change on me so I gave him some and he said it wasn’t enough money and started following me, wanted me to go to an ATM so I can take out more money for him. I was forced to tell him to stop following me or I’d have to call the cops.
I have even more stories like that… going through those motions repeatedly it feels like the homeless have taught me not to give to the homeless. But hopefully your experiences have better outcomes.
I was drunk and in a good mood and a guy asked for $10 to take the bus or something, so I handed him a $20 and said I hope he had a nice evening. Should have been the end of it, right? Nope. “Oh man, if you have $20 more the Lord will bless you and I can get a bus pass and eat. My sister is dying and I need to visit her often and I’m on the streets right now.” Stuff like that for like 3 blocks of following me.
Bro… I. Don’t. Believe. You. Like, literally, it’s probably all bullshit and I knew the first $20 was going to buy booze or drugs. Don’t fucking try to shake me down for more.
Dude, same happened to me. One guy threw the box of food he asked me to give him in a bush because he didn’t like Italian. Another told me to go to an atm for him. The last time I gave someone money they had me absolutely convinced that they needed $10 for the bus ride home. Before I even put my wallet away he was saying the same thing to the next guy.
Decided to stop that and donate to charity instead, even though money was tight. After my $20 donation they flooded my mailbox asking for more donations. They even sent me $5 with the message “This $5 could save a life!” So sick of being made into a fool for wanting to help.
If I were convinced a person truly needed help I could provide, I would straight up be willing to give them at least $1000. I simply don’t trust the pleas any more. Have to keep it limited to chance encounters with everyday people.
If I have cash, I’ll give it. I don’t give a shit whether they’re being honest or not. My generosity is not tempered by the dishonesty of others.
Okay, but the money you gave could have been used to provide community kitchen and shelters. Should community aid be given in cash based on peoples willingness to look convincingly in need? Should assertive street harassment be the default choice to get aid? Everytime you’re tempted to give cash, give that much to a local shelter or kitchen.
when community aid doesn’t actually aid the community - we have lots of shelters with rules against pets, couples, drinking etc., - religious orgs primarily who want to force their values on the victims.
Everytime you’re tempted to give cash, give that much to a local shelter or kitchen.
I disagree, there’s something to be said for helping individuals when you can. And there are lots of individuals who will not seek institutional aid for a number of valid reasons.
Brother not everyone likes the shelter. A lot of homeless people refuse to go because they are dangerous and if you’re trying to quit drugs, well now you’re surrounded by druggies.
You have good intentions, but assistance can’t be locked behind institutional demands. If they wanted to go to the shelter, they would be at the shelter. If they wanted to receive conditional help, they’d be at the shelter.
They are asking you for help, just give it if you can.
Don’t shame people for their choice of giving methods. Shame people who give nothing.
20s? Someone recently told me “my dad taught me to always carry some change with me, other people need it more than me” and now I’m doing it too. There really isn’t any other way to act if you pride yourself on your humanity, anything else is rationalizing selfishness. And I often hear the “they’re just gonna use it for booze/drugs!!!” line as if it meant anything. Sure, they might, but even if you’re a strict teetotaler (and if you’re in any Western country odds are you’re not, lol), what else would they do? Have you ever slept on a cold floor while hungry? People kill themselves/complain about life and they have beds, meals, narcotics and internet connections, nvm all sorts of legal drugs to help them cope with everything (something like 15 percent of women in the US are on antidepressants, according to the CDC…). Life is hard sometimes, perhaps they also need to disconnect a bit, idk.
Give when you can, don’t rationalize it when you can’t. We’re all collectively responsible for the playground God made for us and everything/one in it, but you’re also just one man/woman. Maybe they’ll turn their lives around, maybe your grain of sand will help them reach that point.
thanks for bringing some kindness to this thread. i’ve been meaning to go to the bank to get a bunch of fivers to hand out.
Definitely do it. It is a great feeling and helps them. Don’t let the fear of being scammed prevent you from helping people.
Rest easy knowing you’re doing your part, perhaps even more than that. Thanks, kitten! 😁❤️
I give to the obviously mentally impaired ones the most. The last person I gave a 20 to looked straight through me as he talked to god. There is only so much you can do. I know it sucks.
I say “sorry not today” or something similar but also offer food if I have it. I’ve usually got a Clif bar or something. Also nice to have emergency blankets for winter hand outs.
Edit: just remember they are people too. Regardless of their current situation. Some might have mental health issues, others maybe substance abuse problems, some might just be down on their luck and unable to find work. Treat them with the respect you would want if you were in their shoes.
This sounds closest. Acknowledge. Be friendly. Offer food water. Make eye contact, however fleeting. Assess crisis. Keep moving. This is Manhattan and depending on the neighborhood and street they might be the umpteenth to ask. They know this. I still acknowledge and make eye contact because suddenly being invisible is the worst part psychologically.
Bonus: if it’s your neighborhood, odds are you will see these people again. You might want to learn their names. They won’t keep asking you if they recognize you and know you don’t have it.
When I was driving through an area frequently that had a large amount of homeless I’d pack a few extra sandwiches, granola bars and bottles of water to give out. I also kept gallon bags and a large bag of dog food for those who had dogs. I never once had someone turn down food and ask for money instead.
Guess it depends on your city. In my city I have literally seen a homeless person throw food back at the person who gave it to them and scream “I ASKED FOR A DOLLAR, BITCH!”
You sure this isn’t a scene in scary movie?
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I’ve seen that show so many times but I can’t seem to recall that scene
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Yeah you gotta mostly ignore the homeless where I’m at. Heavy meth, fentanyl area. Street violence is not uncommon. Just keep it moving and don’t loiter too long if you know what’s good lol
same here,
“I’m, uh, gluten intolerant. And I don’t eat processed foods.”
Literally not even once. But keep strawmanning the homeless to make yourself feel better
I just apologize and move on, never had a bad experience. I do feel bad afterwards, but I’m from LATAM and it’s basically a 50/50 wether you get ripped off or not, so I’m not risking it.
I’d be much more likely to give money to someone trying to sell something or offering a service. They don’t even try anymore. Miss the old gas can routine.
I once had a gas can man try to sell me the same story twice in the parking lot of my job weeks apart from one another. “Yeah I came up with my wife and kids and we ran out of gas…”
I didn’t fall for it the first time and the second time was pure enjoyment as he obviously didnt recognize me, so I got to witness his song and dance with “secret insider knowledge.”
I’ve struggled with this like you for years. My empathy fights with my practicality.
I usually carry some cash and if I have small bills I may give a buck or two to someone. This is more and more rare for me because it’s hard to know who really needs it.
More often, I usually just smile and look them in the eye to acknowledge their humanity. If they ask I just say I’m sorry I don’t have cash.
