Let’s have a lunch and learn!
Any mention of “family” and I’m out. You aren’t my fucking family. I barely tolerate any of you, and I only go that far because I am forced to participate in this bullshit just so I can feed and shelter myself. Just give me my project, shut your dick sheath, and let me grind my life away in silence.
On a totally unrelated note, “team player”.
Here at Lemmy, we are steadfastly committed to leveraging our core competencies in order to drive strategic alignment across all functional units. Our focus remains unwavering on fostering a culture of continuous innovation and optimizing synergies that propel us towards achieving scalable growth and value creation for our stakeholders. By embracing agile methodologies and harnessing cutting-edge technologies, we endeavor to stay ahead of the curve, ensuring robust ROI while maintaining unparalleled customer-centricity in every facet of our operations.
Should you have any further inquiries or require additional insights into our visionary pursuits, please do not hesitate to connect with us. Together, let’s pioneer new paradigms and redefine excellence!
Take your upvote and choke on it.
“pAiN pOiNtS”
these are not knots in muscles they are severe institutional shortcomings and failings that are draining us all, making us want to jump ship, hazardous, and in some cases even making the company lose profit but you fuckheads just want to write down pAiN pOiNtS and jerk yourselves and the shareholders off instead of actually doing ANYTHING MEANINGFUL
“going forward.”
Yeah, “from now on” worked fine there Phill.
“We work hard and play hard” makes my skin crawl. Also, had a manager who would describe every situation with a war analogy. Sorry Bob, this is Finance, we’re not literally killing each other. Take it down a notch.
How dare you not overachieve for your corporate overlords!
AI
But specifically “How could we use AI?”. If you dont know you don’t need it. Also looking st you big tech.
Let me introduce you to this AI TV remote. You push this button, and AI turns it on. Revolutionary!! Right??!
“Every interaction makes 35 telemetry API calls, and uses up 45 gallons of potable water so it can run that through GPT to pick what ad to push before finally, begrudgingly, doing what the user requested. Isn’t it GREAT?”
- Ideate
- Ask (noun)
- Table (verb)
Does “tabling” mean putting a subject on the table or taking it off?
Touch base
I can’t read this shit on the weekend you guys are killing me :p
“Tribal knowledge.”
- image: We, clan. Together, strong.
- reality: Ask Tommy if he remembers how to reset the printer
Though, I actually like this one. It’s a pretty cool phrase you can use anywhere.
Alright, team, let’s circle back and ensure we’re fully aligned on our north star objectives. We need to leverage synergy, engage in blue-sky thinking, and touch base on our pain points to drive mission-critical outcomes. But let’s not boil the ocean with unnecessary jargon - at the end of the day, we need to optimize our bandwidth for real, value-driven impact. If we keep moving the needle with this kind of thought leadership theater, we risk losing sight of our core competencies and drowning in a sea of meaningless buzzwords. Let’s pivot toward clear, actionable insights and sunset the overuse of strategic messaging before it becomes a blocker to true innovation. Instead of just playing the fast-follow game with every trending framework, let’s focus on original, high-impact execution that actually drives results.
Thoughts?Chris, do you have any builds?No?
Good. Then let’s action this and drive it across the finish line!
How do I delete someone else’s comment.
Thank you for reaching out. After a strategic review of available pathways, we regret to inform you that the requested course of action is not viable.
Jesus fucking Christ. This was excellently written and horribly real.
Other than the lack of a “shift left” it’s just about perfect.
What’s shift left
Buzzwords
Bio break.
I don’t think I have to elaborate on that one.
Thats not so much a corpo thing as a gamer thing IMO.
“AFK, Bio break” is much quicker to type.
I never heard a gamer use “bio break” lol
Quicker than “brb, bathroom”?
“brb”
This is a gamer term. I’ve never heard it in a business environment. Even as a IT engineer.
I’ve never heard it in a business environment. Even as a IT engineer.
My friend manages a team of engineers and TAMs for massive companies that do stuff like make airplanes and manage phone networks and you know the names. They specifically produce a toolsuite and rent out pro-serv nerds to go to mammoth DCs and show people where they fucked up their cabling and double the throughput. Like, SO nerdy.
‘bio break’ is used a few times a day.
- Its unprofessional.
- Its gross. Saying something thats basically “gonna go take a dump” is unnecessary. Personally I don’t give two shits, but not everyone is as easygoing as me. Best to keep a professional hat on at work.
I did use it at work once and a single “Dude TMI” was all it took for me to stop. Online playing an MMO as a group is casual and often used as a trigger for a group break.
At work I just say “going to step away for a bit” and that’s all that’s needed.
I heard “rightsizing” for the first time last year.
I have no idea what knucklehead PR dumbass came up with that but it made the following layoffs even more unpalatable.
“We’re family”
I fell for this once. Thought it sounded great. Everyone at that place hated each other, constantly spread rumors and sabotaged each other’s work.
