Spite

I’m not going to pretend it’s a good answer because it cuts in many directions, but the following has been my thinking on this:

Because if you have nothing to live for, you have nothing holding you back from taking massive risks. Take the massive risk over your own life. Suicide can come later, once you’ve done something risky and cool first that requires a meatsuit. As far as we know you only get one of those, and there’s far more than you might think that only requires one of 'em and infinite risk tolerance.

Not comfortable with the risk? Why, if you have nothing to live for? Tease that out and you can work in the other direction.

You can always end it later, so stick around a little longer and see how things play out.

Food tastes good

Sunsets are awesome

Some people are worth being around

You might mess up the attempt and end up worse off than you are now

Religion might be right and you end up in the bad place

this is what your enemies would like to see. don’t have enemies? make some

Life is the only thing a human is guaranteed to have - and, as far as I’m concerned, we only get it once. To finish it early seems a terrible waste. It’s the only thing we’ll ever get to do. Might as well give it a bit of a go… it’s not like it goes on for ever, anyway.

I can think of two reasons.

First reason: because things can and probably will get much better. Joy in life comes from the little things. That sounds cliche but it’s true. If I could talk to my 14 year old self, who was severely depressed to the point of trying (and thankfully failing) to take his own life, I would tell him about the next 20-ish years. Even though much of it will be hard, it will still be good. And he will grow in ways and get to experience things that he can’t even begin to imagine. That’s one thing I’m glad he failed at.

Second reason: because believe it or not, you will leave a giant crater in the life of someone (or multiple someones) where you once existed. My great grandpa hung himself in 1929. That’s all I know about him aside from his name. I never met my grandpa (died of cancer) but I remember my dad telling me a little about the impact it had on his dad, who was about 15 at the time of his father suicide. Long story short, my grandpa basically stopped growing emotionally at 15. He was a teenager who was very suddenly thrust into the role of an adult.

I don’t know what was going on with my great grandpa that led him to take his own life. I do know that what he left behind was a disaster. Including three generations of trauma, manifesting itself as a cycle of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. He effectively destroyed his children who proceeded to pass that destruction all the way down to me.

If you’ve never watched Ted Lasso which I highly recommend, one of overarching themes is Ted’s difficulty dealing with his father’s suicide, which occured when Ted was 15. It’s a light hearted show overall but there are a few scenes that really hit right in the feels.

Even if you don’t have kids, there are people who’s lives will be permanently altered for the worse by your untimely death. Some will blame themselves, wondering what they could have done to prevent it.

Spite, that’s what your enemy’s want. Don’t give them the fucking satisfaction!

My partner and dog would be sad.

I don’t have nearly enough credit card debt to annoy the cc companies when I die

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5meoDMT. Do it first then decide.

If there are people who care about you, it’s not only selfish but also cruel. All you’re doing is passing on your pain to them.

Losing someone to suicide sucks. I’m willing to bet there is at least one person in your life who would be sad (or perhaps devastated) if you suddenly died. Even if it means continuing on while unhappy, don’t put that person through such an ordeal.

Depression is a temporary condition. It feels like it’ll last forever and that life can never go back to the way it was, but that’s not true. It might change you, and that change might be for the worse, but you can escape it. You can. It’s hard, but it’ll be worth once you’re on the other side.

Start by seeking professional help. There are affordable (and, depending on your area, perhaps free) options out there. Then, change how your mind thinks. Don’t let those thoughts rule you. Fight them! You can do it!

Because bad times dont last for ever!