Like u/NeoNachtwaechter rightfully said:

Society, community… these are abstract terms. You cannot talk to them. The cannot love you.

Life happens when you meet people (not abstractions).

So, when you write:

Preferably in real life and without religion or alcohol.

Don’t see anything personal in the following remark (I don’t smoke and don’t drink, I quit both many decades ago, and I don’t give a flying fuck about religion myself) but you can’t expect to meet people that fit your expectations.

Life does not work like a dating app (luckily).

You will meet people, a few of them you will appreciate more than many, many others. All of them, even the ‘nicest’ ones, will still annoy you one way or another. Like you will annoy them, or like I do. We all.

My spouse and I have been together for 25 years and counting, we’re glad to be together but I can assure you we also both have traits or habits the other don’t like at all, and that’s fine. My best friend and I have been friends for well over 40 years and we’re at the complete opposite politically speaking, we always have been. Like we never agreed and we never will. We’re fine with our lifelong disagreements because we have many other common interests (and he is a very interesting guy even if his politics are shit ;)

So, the first thing I would suggest would be to accept that people will not be what you want them to be, or how you want them to be.

And then to let things happen, or not happen. That’s my second advice: be ok with nothing happening or with failing when trying to make them happen. Most of the time meeting people won’t go anywhere and that’s to be expected. Don’t give up, keep on meeting people and spend some time with them.

I know those advice may sound a bit… generalist but you did not share a lot of context yourself to give you a more specific answer either. And, generalist or not, those are still two advice I follow myself.

If you’re physically able, go somewhere people are willing to teach you something :) Try a climbing gym.

The first hurdle will be working up the courage to ask for advice (on a route, on equipment, about an event) and the next will be showing up often enough that you’re a recognizable part of the community.

Meetup has helped - especially around RPGs and board games. Having a weekly group of friends meeting up with a shared topic helps.

I found one in community dance, specifically local folk dance. The median age is probably 65, so it’s adaptable to a wide range of athleticism levels, but it does require significant mobility.

I absolutely loved it until covid, and then I moved, but it was a wonderful group of people through whom I met dear friends, found a job offer, learned a bunch of things, and found a home.

I once went to a woodworking store to get supplies for one of my brief ADHD hobbies, and the guy there mentioned that they have classes and there were some carvings on display that people made. It sounded like a nice, small group of people and if I wasn’t so lazy and socially anxious I might’ve enjoyed joining.

I’m still trying to figure this out for myself.

You just need to put yourself around people as much as possible.

If your circumstances are that it isn’t possible, you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. You perhaps could then make it your goal to relocate or put yourself in a position where you can be around people.

What kind of stuff are you into?

I’m having some luck in building a community through my yoga practice. It’s challenging as a beginner because everyone just goes to yoga and then jets off to their next thing.

But I have become very serious with it and am preparing to get my teacher certification. Now I am starting to connect with people who share thtat level of dedication.

Now you could say this is religion technically, but it is so vastly different from the defective and derivative brand of xtianity I had pushed upon me as a youth that it doesn’t feel that way. Practicing Mormonism never gave me lickable abs.

Society, community… these are abstract terms. You cannot talk to them. The cannot love you.

Life happens when you meet people (not abstractions).

The core is basically this.

1. Go where the humans are. Do so on a regular basis. It doesn’t really matter where, so long as it’s a place where a) socialization is not actively discouraged, and b) people are likely to show up more than once.
2. Talk to as many humans as possible until you find humans you click with.
3. Bring other people into the fold as you meet them.

There are environments that make this easier - hobby groups, certain ‘scenes’ in your area (music, art, etc.), volunteer organizations, etc. - but you can start the work pretty much anywhere humans congregate.

Are there any hobbiest groups re: digital art or adjacent activities in your area (zine making socials always sounded pretty fun)? Is there something you’ve always wanted to try that’s on offer as a group event? Start there, talk to the humans, show up more than once and there’s a good chance you’ll be off to a good start.

…said the kettle.

Do mutual aid

Scouting helped me a lot with this. It’s an active community, and not just for kids. And it’s worldwide, so wherever you go, there’s a community you can visit, or recognize

Sports/music

Join a club

I don’t feel that our society is atomized or individualistic, but that’s going to depend on what kind of life you live. Standard advice is to join clubs or volunteer, and after a month or 6 months at any given place, sit down and think about whether it’s helping you achieve the social goals that you want to achieve. If it’s not, walk away.

The workplace?

Look for a niche