However I feel in no way that I am in the wrong body.

I’m not trans, but I believe that’s the key. You said “turn out trans,” but I believe most trans folks never really felt like they were in the right body, ever, though they might not have realized what it was that was wrong earlier. It’s not like people wake up one day and think, “oh shit, I’m trans!”

Cisgender woman here, I just wanted to add that if my husband were to come out as trans, that would not be a tragedy or something I wished he’d gotten figured out sooner for my sake. In this hypothetical scenario, if it somehow managed to make us incompatible as married partners we’d deal with it but people have gotten divorced for much worse reasons before. The worst part for me would be worrying if he’d been miserable during our marriage, because I love him and would hate for that to be his experience of our time together.

It’s really hard to imagine because AFAIK we’re both cis but personally I’d probably prefer to stay married to my spouse even if he changed his gender identity. I mean he’s still the same person I married and we still love the same things and have a wonderful life and child together. I dunno, maybe it wouldn’t work out in the end but I sure as hell wouldn’t be mad at him for something he couldn’t change.

Anyways, my point is you don’t have to assume that your relationships with cis people will all get blown up if you do happen to be trans. I appreciate the urge to have your ducks all in a row before embarking on significant life events but the truth is that marriage and adulthood is super messy anyways. If you marry someone and have a kid with them the odds are good you will have all sorts of chaotic events to deal with- physical illnesses, mental illnesses, kid stress or illness, weight gain or loss, money trouble, job changes, changes in personality with age, the list goes on and on. The trick to being happily married is rolling with the changes, working hard at your partnership, and being committed to your partner, not having it all perfectly lined up at the start.

If I wrote out a list of things I am interested in regarding my appearance that are gendered by society, I would think I was “a girl.” However, in practice, it was incredibly bad for me and being forced as such was a constant drain on me.

None of these stories are proof, but slowly realizing the sheer number of them from my past did indicate exploring was worthwhile:

• I could not see myself growing into an old woman. I used to think that was only because I did not think I would live long enough to be as such.
  But the fact is, when first asked about it, the thought of growing into an old man actually sounded a bit nice.
• I told every boyfriend I have ever had that I “might be trans” and asked them if they’d still stay with me as a man. It was very serious and very nonserious all at the same time.
• I clung to masculine presentation, even if it often still felt wrong, because “masculine woman” felt closer to the “femme genderfluid man” I somewhat unconsciously wanted to be than “feminine woman.”
• When I first played a man in a TTRPG game, it was incredibly fun in a way that is hard to describe. Something like, just… comfortable, for the first time.
• In preschool I demanded that the teachers use a male name and refer to me in character with male pronouns. This was not a one-off occurrence. I was very upset when they did not comply.
• When I was older, when people mistook me for a man I would feel relief. When they “corrected” themselves I would go back to being miserable.
• People using “ma’am” on me would make me extremely uncomfortable. Hearing the word “she” used for me made me oddly angry.
• I hated people looking at me and perceiving me, and, worst of all, desiring me.

All of these were difficult to see at the time. Difficult to see all at the same time. It is hard to tell if you are miserable when you are constantly miserable. It takes perspective to put it all together. It takes self-examination, experimentation, experience. You are stuck in your own head, after all.

I did not feel like I was in the wrong body. I felt like I was trapped in expectations of what I could do to my body.

I won’t regret any of it even if I suddenly decide to “transition back.” My life is a journey and I will do whatever feels right for me. My body is my own. It’s done me so much good to be able to explore who I am.

My suggestion to those questioning is generally to “try out” your gender of choice somewhere completely inconsequential. Video games, a temporary account, etc. Quietly following trans spaces for a while can give some perspective as well.

I don’t care if I “know for certain” that I’m trans. I think trying to answer that question as some kind of solid certainty can often run counter to the entirety of being trans.

I’m happier in a testosterone-based system, I am comfortable in a way that I never was, and life feels like I have a future now. I made changes that made my life better, and only changes that made my life better.

Trans just happens to be an accurate label. Labels are tools, shortcuts in communication. Not prisons.

It sounds like you’re worried enjoying activities and having personality traits typically associated with women means you may be trans, which could negatively affect your family life if you transitioned. I mean this in the nicest way possible: my therapist would probably call this catastrophizing. It’s coming from a kind place (you don’t want to potentially upset your family), but it’s several hypotheticals stacked on top of each other. Don’t borrow trouble, as my grandma would say.

Nobody is going to be able to give you a test to tell you with 100% confidence you aren’t trans, but if you’ve always felt comfortable with being a man and your anatomy, there is no reason to believe you will suddenly want to be a woman. Feminine men are no less men than masculine men. Some feminine men are even trans men! Being a man (gender identity) isn’t the same thing as acting masculine (gender expression).

So, all that said, what made me realize I’m trans is finding out trans men exist. Seriously, that was all it took. Before that I only knew trans women existed and thought I wasn’t “allowed” to be trans. Within maybe a month of thinking on it and reading accounts from other trans men, I knew I was trans.

Dancing and an eating disorder don’t make you bi. Same-gender attraction does.

The real sign of being trans is if you go to egg_irl and start relating to almost everything lol /s kinda (sorry I haven’t got a clue how to link communities)

Tbh there’s no magic bullet to be sure, but if you fantasize about being a different gender that’s a pretty big one, cis people don’t do that.

I’ll add an edit: The only thing that confirmed it to me, was how excited I felt after I took hormones for the first time. Beginning them was terrifying, “what if I damage my body and I actually didn’t want this?” kinda stuff, but then I realised I wouldn’t have been waiting 6 months and been to all these appointments if I wasn’t, took the damn pill and felt amazing. It’s been ~9 months now and it’s made me insanely happy, that’s the only concrete proof I can offer to myself that I am in fact trans.

dancing doesn’t make you a woman. feeling like a woman does. do you feel like you’re a woman? if not, you’re not a woman.

The other posts all have some pretty good advice about how to tell if you’re trans so I wanted to add:

When you see a slogan like “trans rights are human rights”, I want you to know that trans rights are your rights too. You should have the right to do ballet if you want and not feel like you’re doing something weird or outside the norm, and I think it’s rational self-interest to support visible trans people for that reason! If transphobia went away then you wouldn’t need to feel weird about doing something gender nonconforming.

You don’r become trans, you eventually realize that you are trans :)

About being sure: It took me a lot of self-reflection and I only found out Inwas trans when I was 31ish.

It sounds like you actively enjoy your current gender identity. Most people who go on to change theirs don’t actively enjoy what it used to be, at best they generally just don’t feel connected to it. This was the case for me; I never felt manly, or enjoyed anything about being male. It didn’t bother me, but I never really connected to it.

Ultimately, the only thing required for you to be trans is that you decide you want to be; there isn’t some magic checklist of signs or requirements that if you meet, you’re trans. If you think you might be happier in life with a fem gender identity, it’s up to you whether or not to act on it.

I’m in my 40’s and trans, and ever since I was a child I knew I didn’t fit my assigned gender and it just felt… wrong. Took me a long time to understand this was me being trans and not me being “broken” somehow, thanks to a conservative upbringing, but basically I’ve known all my life.

Gender and sexual identity are way more fluid than people want to give credit for.

So looking for a “final answer” at any point in your life might be biting off more than you can chew.

I’m a cis-man, but I’m personally with the Gender Anarchy folks. We’re stuck in weird gender roles that literally don’t matter anymore and maybe androgyny or things like it truly are the way forward.

IANA trans person.

From what I’ve heard, a big factor is body dysmorphia. Do you look at your chest and think it’d feel more right with boobs on it? Does the idea of facial hair seem like it could never be “you”?

You don’t have to be all man all the time. You can like feminine things. That doesn’t mean you’re actually a woman. There’s plenty of shades of grey.

I think there are few overlapping things here that are probably worth pulling apart. Keep in mind that all of these are spectrums, some people might experience these acutely, others mildly, others not at all.

• Gender non-comformance: having a preference for activities that are typically ascribed to or preferring to appear as the gender opposite to the one you present as - men who like wearing dresses and sewing, women who prefer having short cropped hair and playing rugby
• Transgender - a feeling that your sex (your biology) does not match up with your gender (do you consider yourself to be a man or a woman?). Gender is a really complex thing and is pretty strongly informed by society - what were you taught “man” and “woman” means beyond just sex. For some people this disconnect can be dysphoric, and it quite often overlaps with gender non-comformance
• Transition - changing your gender presentation to be different from your sex. This can be small things - changing your hair style - to large changes such as getting legal recognition for a new name and gender identity or seeking medical interventions.

I guess my point is that there are plenty of people who engage in small non-conformances or who feel like their experience of being man doesn’t 100% line up with how society perceives men, and that’s valid, and is a trans experience, but doesn’t mean that they do or should feel like “trans” is a label or identity that applies to them. In the same way that you can understand that you are a little bit bi, without that being a significant part of your identity

I changed my gender at around 25 because I had significant issues with my voice, my body, and my genitals that caused me significant distress and interfered with my life, but they were present and ever increasing pretty much since I hit puberty. I knew something was wrong from an earlyish age, and dealt with it pretty much just when my husband was okay with it. I’d always envied women for their natural sex characteristics, and if I didn’t get a negative reaction when I came out as a teenager I would have transitioned much earlier.

I think if you’re happy in your body’s secondary sex characteristics, you probably don’t have to worry about being trans. From what you’ve said here, it sounds to me like you probably aren’t.