On the other hand, your ass has no secrets now. Every fart is an announcement. You took the muffler away.
Alternatively, don’t be a shit poster. Did I take a wrong turn at Albuquerque?
Water people. Just fucking wash your ass, it’s hygienic and it feels nice too. Use a bidet, or just sit on the fucking bathroom sink (provided it’s installed on the floor, and not the wall). It’s amazing how poor ass hygine is for a nation that keeps going on about “eating ass”.
I will get a bidet the day they invent one that sprays soapy water. Washing your ass without soap is like washing your hands without soap.
Washing your ass in the sink is unsanitary. I don’t need shit particles in my sink bowl. I much rather just hop in the shower after a shit and wash my ass with body wash after I’m done wiping. If you have a detachable showerhead, it’s easy to do so without getting your whole body wet.
My bidet is like a pressure washer seriously, it has quite a bit of pressure, enough to make it pretty unpleasant if I crank it up on high.
Yeah, it’s not soap but I’m not using my ass to eat, I’m just trying to get all the shit off of it so I don’t get weird ass-rot and hemorrhoids.
Mine was about $30 on sale and it increased my quality of life in ways that are hard to describe. Shitting at work is a lot worse now, I feel like a barbarian sitting around with a dirty ass all day.
just sit on the fucking bathroom sink
Well now everyone at work is looking at me funny.
They said “bathroom” not “break room”.
Just flush and use the water from the toilet. After all it is a WC.
…, and it feels nice too.
The nation fears that it might feel nice.
Okay, here’s what you do. Just keep a small container of skin cream with you. when you are done your bisuness, apply a small amount to the toilet paper, and wipe until clean. it helps remove and moisturize at the same time. you would never need to but those non flushable wipes again.
I don’t think you understand. If I were to concoct a shitass story about being a shitass, and put that on the shitass interwebs, what would a shitass AI response look like? Respond as a shitass. Thanks.
OP didn’t mention the AGONIZING itch you get from the skin rubbing. Make sure to use some powder or some shit. Also it grows back in a week and takes so much time.
Just get a bidet.
Trick is to NOT trim it down to perfect clean shaven. Leave some small tiny little hairs. It won’t itch. Been doing that exact thing myself but I’m not willing to prove it.
YMMV if your crack hair is harder than mine.
And if you work out, the sweat just makes it all slidey back there ++ungood.
Dude my superpower is that diarrhea comes out as filtered drinking water.
Nikls: “Stop, you fiend!” Spez: “you’ll never stop me!” Nikls: -unzips, bends over…. Spez: O_O
First person I ever followed here
Nevermind I don’t know how to follow peolle
How can I delete someone else’s post?
What is this person’s diet like? I mean feces is supposed to be a somewhat solid log, not a splattery mess. I guess Cheetos and Mountain Dew three times a day does that?
I mean the worst is usually the one that is mostly solid but something fucked it just a bit and now its like 15% towards veing runny. Just solid enoigh to come out relatively in one piece but also soft enough to spread all over your ass.
Had one like rhat yesterday. Did not have plans to shower that day but alas I went straight from the shitter into the shower.
You need to drink more water.
I guess I wanted to say fresh poop should have the consistency and texture of new Playdoh straight from the can. If you grab it and bend it slightly, small cracks should appear.
If there’s little moisture then it means your body is trying to get liquid from the stool.
Stool? Good luck making furniture from what I do… this afternoon I thought I gave birth to a jellyfish but when I looked it turned out it was just a bucket of blood.
Wait till he finds out what it feels like growing back in
To any Americans who are bidet curious or even enthusiasts, I’d highly recommend this wand style bidet: https://rinseworks.com/shop/aquaus-360-hand-held-bidet-sprayer-for-toilet/
Personally, I find fancy features, like heat, to be superfluous. Seats or seat-mounted bidets are inevitably a pain in the ass to clean. This wand has a nice long hose. Not only can it clean your ass, but it can also help you to clean your bathroom. It should last a lifetime. And, of course, installation is a breeze not requiring electricity. If you are afraid of the cold, rest assured you will adapt. It will zap you awake.
pain in the ass
You’re holding it wrong.
If you are afraid of the cold
I’m glad you mentioned this is for Americans because here in Canada calling the winter water “cold” is like saying the sun is “hot”. I can handle the cold water on my skin but shooting it directly at my butthole is not happening.
You haven’t lived until you shoot ice water at your brown eye
lmao you better not be poking someone’s ass when you do that, might lose a finger
For the record bidets are pretty great though, but I went ahead and got a heated one because I am not a masochist.
The heated seats are really useful during the winter, though. And warm/hot water can often be better at “rinsing” solid material than cold water. I’ve noticed that it takes longer to feel fully clean with a non-electric bidet than an electric one. It’s like trying to rinse dishes with cold water vs rinsing with scalding hot water. One will get the job done much faster.
It might be overkill, but I’ll keep my overpriced bidet with heated water/seat. Cleaning is not that bad, I just do it the same time I clean the bowl.
Right, it’s not significantly different from just wiping down the seat and/or bidet nozzles even in a non-electric one.
Eh I got a $250 chinese seat model with a heated reservoir, heated seat, basically enema mode, child lock, self-clean, lights the bowl, 3 years now and it’s great. Cleaning really not that big of a deal, especially compared to someone accidentally spraying the handheld all over, kids playing with it, etc
Great suggestion! I also am sold to bidets. I went to look at the link you posted, and they have a hilarious image of a 100k$ bathroom with their 80$ bidet there, just sticking out like a sore thumb XD.
Heh. I’ve used my fair share of fancy bidets. After using this sprayer, I far prefer its flexibility, utility, and power. The all-brass version is very well made, and the explicit ball valve mitigates the risk of damaging leakage. The promo video is pretty good too. While rare these days, sometimes, the less expensive option is in fact better quality and more functional.
I do love how this topic invites such fervid replies.
If you need a bidet to get your ass clean, what the fuck do you do when traveling?
One could also change diet
The comedian Daniel Sloss does a bit on this.
Was he the one who did the whole “like trying to get peanut butter out of carpet” bit?
Yes!
Depilatory creams are your friend in that area.
Most teachers are women that do not need to worry about wiping a hairy ass. If school was taunt by men or nurses that wipe adult asses it would get mentioned.
Probably
What a bizzare thing to say. Plenty of women have hairy asses. And no, men wouldn’t teach this is they were the majority of teachers for the same reason women don’t - it’s not socially acceptable. The parents of the children would riot. Sex education is only taught because of how important it is, and it still makes a lot of parents uncomfortable.
Fair.
A bottle of water. Wash yourself back there. Yes, like properly with your hand, like what you do in the shower. A lot more hygienic.
No, it’s not “disgusting” doing that. You go back there with toilet paper anyway. You think shit moisture doesn’t get on your hand when using toilet paper?
I tend to just hop in the shower for a sec.
But all of that is only really an option at home, anywhere else it’s eternal wiping.
“Shit moisture”, you ppl. are going insane…
is that Pangaea?
It’s Ohio.
The meme that the template came from: https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/021/062/b16
The Ohio flag (shown on the space suit of the astronaut with the gun): https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/4c/Flag_of_Ohio.svg/1280px-Flag_of_Ohio.svg.png
I think the planet is actually called “Dirt” or something like that
Close. It’s called Ground.
Or get a Bidet. Like a build in one.
There should be life tutorial for autists, with Buller points and shit. It would be much easier that way.
Careful with the bidet conversation. I saw someone on plebbit explain how they don’t have to wash their hands after they take a shit because they have a bidet that washes and dries their asshole.
