I’m not sure how to even ask this. What I mean is that if you’re a guy who’s only attracted to other guys, then it’s obvious those are the people you’re going to be dating as well. But how could I, as a bisexual man who’s only dated women in the past, know whether my interest in men is only sexual or if it could be romantic too?
The reason I’m asking is that since I’m now single again, I’m wondering if I should try dating men just to see what that’s like and maybe learn something about myself. I feel like the two most plausible outcomes are either that I discover my romantic attraction is limited to women, or it opens my eyes to why some things have been such a struggle in my past relationships - and maybe I should’ve been dating men all along.
The thing is, I’ve never had a crush on a guy before or noticed any other signs that a relationship with one could actually work. I’ve had occasional dreams of that sort, but usually there’s been something sexual about them. I can only think of one time I felt mild butterflies around a guy I found really attractive.
I don’t know. I guess I’m just worried that if I give it a shot, I might not feel anything more than what I feel toward my male friends. In the worst case, they might develop feelings for me, and then I’d have to break their heart - and I hate the thought of that.
Disclaimer - I am not a man just a mom to some queer kids.
From your responses below, I get the feeling your idea of romantic attraction may have been formed by the relentless hetero-romantic focus of media, and don’t know what romantic love toward a man might feel like?
First, do you need it? If you had a brotherly fun friendship and hot sex with a guy but didn’t feel cuddly or whatever you associate with ‘romance’ would you find it a satisfying relationship?
I mostly wanted to say I think it would be fine to share some of your thoughts with your dates. Let them know where you are at, mentally.
I hate to state the obvious but if you haven’t developed romantic feelings for guys then you probably won’t. It would’ve happened already. That’s just how you’re wired.
That said there’s no harm in trying it out.
Honestly, if you have even considered dating men as a potential option, you’re probably attracted to men enough for it to be viable. Straight men don’t have these thoughts, not even in passing (unless we’re talking about attraction towards an extremely feminine man or passing transgender woman, I guess).
That’s a fair point
Be friends first. Those are the best relationships anyway.
Become friends with some gay dudes. Just saying…
I guess I’m just worried that if I give it a shot, I might not feel anything more than what I feel toward my male friends. In the worst case, they might develop feelings for me, and then I’d have to break their heart - and I hate the thought of that.
You are definitely over-thinking this bit.
“I can’t try having a relationship because it might not work out and then we’d be unhappier.”
No. Unthink this. You can’t insist that your very first romantic relationship with a man must last for life. That’s too high a bar.
Maybe you’re just picky about guys. It happens. If you do find a guy you really like, then you should go for it
Speaking as someone who dated a guy, the only way to find out if you are able to develop feelings for a man is to develop feelings for a man.
Bro, just get on Grindr or go to a gay bar and have fun sucking dick/getting your dick sucked. “Dating” doesn’t need to be this huge thing - just show up, be yourself, and have a good time. As long as you arent a total asshole, tell people how you’re feeling and what you are looking for, it’ll be fine. Yeah, maybe you’ll break somebody’s heart. But as long as both people are adults about it, it isn’t a terrible, world-ending catastrophe. Its just ywo people who, for one reason or another, arent compatible.
I’m looking for a relationship, not sucking dick.
Sounds like you are trying to understand yourself, which requires experimentation in the real world with other people - not worrying about it with disembodied voices on the internet. Hence - just go fuck around and find out.
