I’m a decade younger, but I’m sure I’ll still be a virgin at 40 and beyond.
I have had a lifelong lack of libido (so it has not been caused by any sort of medications or anything). I also have the inability to feel sexual pleasure. I have tried all different kinds of ways of masturbating and none of them have felt like anything. May as well just be touching my forearm. Puberty was confusing as fuck as I couldn’t relate to any of my peers in this way. So I’ve always felt pretty broken.
I don’t really like other people touching me, especially strangers. I have tried kissing a couple of times before and I didn’t understand how I was supposed to do it like physically…how you’re supposed to move your mouth/facial muscles or whatever. It just tasted like spit and was wet and wasn’t pleasant.
Mostly I’m fine with it, but sometimes I get a bit sad that I’ll never be able to have a deep lifelong, human connection with someone, raise kids, etc.
I get that I can try to find connections within the asexual community, but it’s incredibly small and hard to find someone in my same age in my same geographical area.
Oh also I have intense social anxiety which doesn’t help.
So while I don’t fit into this threads main topic…
I’m a gay male furry, disabled, who is currently (and for 4 years now) in a master/pet relationship with another fur, who is dating another fur; and I have a high sex drive, even in my 30s, but both of the other furs are ace. Master isn’t 100% ace but it’s rare and fleeting, and being long distance doesn’t help. He’s also likely autistic, and touching is fine but it seems like prolonged affection is annoying to him. He’s kinda aloof and doesn’t take cues, so we are (gently) blunt with each other. He’s sweet as hell, and cares about me a lot, which is how the fwb situation turned into this relationship thing - I found out I’m somewhat demisexual in the process.
What you can take from, what I think, is one of the weirdest relationship situations ever explained, is that it is possible to find someone who cares for and loves you, and even maybe craves you sexually, and it can work out just fine. I am certain that I bug master with lots of my advances, and I’m usually left on my own, but he’s very desirable from my perspective, and he does try to incorporate a few of my kinks when we are together physically, even if he’s not in the mood. It’s still pretty fun. The fact that he allows me to find others to play with is nice too, though I’ve only taken that offer with one other fur since we became a thing. A similar situation could open up more opportunities for you.
Dating, relationships, sex is all weird. It doesn’t need to be this rigid bunch of expectations. As long as both/all are happy and having fun, not hurting anyone (without consent~), fuck the norms and standards.
Also lol, I’ve dated exclusively from the furry dating pool onward after my first bf, and that population isn’t large. I’m gay (well, homoflexible, but) so that cuts the applicants even more. Then I’m disabled, and so that gets cut even further, since I don’t think most would want my baggage, help me with daily assistance, etc. Yet I’m still with someone… It’s totally possible. Just got to try and connect with people. I met my now-master playing Halo CE almost 20 years ago now. My ex, same thing. All my partners except one were gaming friends either irl or long-distance from the start. The people you may know right now might also be looking for someone. Just need to look, open up.
Hoping you don’t take the downvotes to heart. Excuse my french, but you’re a bit of a weirdo and I’m sure you know this. I’m a weirdo in different ways so I get it lol!!
Anyway, I’m really happy for you that you managed to find a partner so well suited for you. A compatibility scenario like yours in an already niche group of people sounds more like finding a needle in a haystack to me. While I get that technically there is probably some individual on the planet that is compatible with me due to my niche sexual/romantic needs, it is statistically unlikely and incredibly difficult to ever hope to find someone like that.
Nah, the haters are always a minority, it’s fine :). I hope you at least try to stay open and positive about things, you might find someone just passively. You can do this ^_^
As someone who is demi and married, it was a lot of hard work to find what I was looking for. It was not something I was able to achieve organically out meeting people via a hobby or something. The dating pool is shallow and small for aces, tiny if one is rural. I was determined and persistent because it was important to me, and it still took me about 6 years of consistent effort to find the right relationship for me. I do not blame anyone for just opting out of trying.
The point of kissing is that human cheeks have more pheromones than most parts of the human body. When you kiss someone, your nose almost unaboidably ends up near that other person’s cheek. When you sense the other person’s pheromones, you will feel good or very good or, seldom, repulsive, depending on how different the person’s immune system is from yours or how close a relative the person is.
The part with lips touching each other is actually mostly irrelevant, but because people generally don’t know the actual point of why our species likes kissing, that’s the way they get their noses positioned correctly.
I would imagine that if you are as completely asexual as you say, you probably won’t feel much anything when kissing unknown people.
I guess kissing your parents’ cheeks has felt nice in your childhood, though? It’s also about pheromones, but of course not the same ones as with a romantic partner, so the feeling is different and maybe possible for you to feel?
I am fully aware. But notice I said that the issue for me has been lifelong. During and after pubertal age, I never developed in that manner. I have been taking an SSRI for only the past few months. That leaves 15+ years prior to taking an SSRI or any sort of medications whatsoever where I had no libido. In my case, it was not caused by any medication. It was lifelong.
I am female! I hope my testosterone isn’t too high lol. I have always had incredibly regular periods as well so I doubt there is any sort of issue with that going on.
Some testosterone is important for women’s health too! It isn’t exclusively a male hormone though men do naturally produce more.
Please have a frank and open discussion with a health professional. There is nothing to be embarrassed about and you deserve the full range of the human experience.
you deserve the full range of the human experience.
Please remember that if someone is sex repulsed or doesn’t feel sexual desire that this is a weird thing to say. There are so many things humans can experience, with varying degrees of joy and pleasure, sex is not in some special category of “required in order to be human”. From my perspective if someone hasn’t had a perfectly ripe mango they haven’t had the full range of human experience, but some people don’t like mangos.
Aces exist, there is nothing wrong with not feeling sexual desire or attraction. If it doesn’t upset her or effect her life in a way she doesn’t like then she doesn’t need medical intervention.
As someone who is demi and has lived many years at a time as essentially ace, it’s frustrating to hear people consistently downplay asexuality as a physical ailment. No, some people are just like this, it’s as valid an orientation as any other.
Wanting a higher libido and having zero libido is a problem. Encouraging a person to seek medical advice on an issue they have expressed is a problem is the responsible thing to do.
At no time did they state they were ace and at no point did I claim being ace is ‘invalid’ or a problem.
You are projecting your own frustrations onto the conversation when it isn’t about you.
I didn’t see anything in her posts that implied she wanted a higher libido or that she saw her lack of sexual desire as an issue in her day to day life. I did see her say she might like intimate human connection but that’s perfectly possible without sex. I think we might both be doing some projection, as yes I am sensitive to people who recommend seeing a doctor when someone describes what its like to be ace, but also you seem to assume having sex is a prerequisite to having an intimate relationship with someone.
Did you know that if you read the whole post before jumping to conclusions, you might gain information that counters your assumptions? 🙂 They mentioned this being lifelong, not induced by medication.
I’m a decade younger, but I’m sure I’ll still be a virgin at 40 and beyond.
I have had a lifelong lack of libido (so it has not been caused by any sort of medications or anything). I also have the inability to feel sexual pleasure. I have tried all different kinds of ways of masturbating and none of them have felt like anything. May as well just be touching my forearm. Puberty was confusing as fuck as I couldn’t relate to any of my peers in this way. So I’ve always felt pretty broken.
I don’t really like other people touching me, especially strangers. I have tried kissing a couple of times before and I didn’t understand how I was supposed to do it like physically…how you’re supposed to move your mouth/facial muscles or whatever. It just tasted like spit and was wet and wasn’t pleasant.
Mostly I’m fine with it, but sometimes I get a bit sad that I’ll never be able to have a deep lifelong, human connection with someone, raise kids, etc.
I get that I can try to find connections within the asexual community, but it’s incredibly small and hard to find someone in my same age in my same geographical area.
Oh also I have intense social anxiety which doesn’t help.
So while I don’t fit into this threads main topic…
I’m a gay male furry, disabled, who is currently (and for 4 years now) in a master/pet relationship with another fur, who is dating another fur; and I have a high sex drive, even in my 30s, but both of the other furs are ace. Master isn’t 100% ace but it’s rare and fleeting, and being long distance doesn’t help. He’s also likely autistic, and touching is fine but it seems like prolonged affection is annoying to him. He’s kinda aloof and doesn’t take cues, so we are (gently) blunt with each other. He’s sweet as hell, and cares about me a lot, which is how the fwb situation turned into this relationship thing - I found out I’m somewhat demisexual in the process.
What you can take from, what I think, is one of the weirdest relationship situations ever explained, is that it is possible to find someone who cares for and loves you, and even maybe craves you sexually, and it can work out just fine. I am certain that I bug master with lots of my advances, and I’m usually left on my own, but he’s very desirable from my perspective, and he does try to incorporate a few of my kinks when we are together physically, even if he’s not in the mood. It’s still pretty fun. The fact that he allows me to find others to play with is nice too, though I’ve only taken that offer with one other fur since we became a thing. A similar situation could open up more opportunities for you.
Dating, relationships, sex is all weird. It doesn’t need to be this rigid bunch of expectations. As long as both/all are happy and having fun, not hurting anyone (without consent~), fuck the norms and standards.
Also lol, I’ve dated exclusively from the furry dating pool onward after my first bf, and that population isn’t large. I’m gay (well, homoflexible, but) so that cuts the applicants even more. Then I’m disabled, and so that gets cut even further, since I don’t think most would want my baggage, help me with daily assistance, etc. Yet I’m still with someone… It’s totally possible. Just got to try and connect with people. I met my now-master playing Halo CE almost 20 years ago now. My ex, same thing. All my partners except one were gaming friends either irl or long-distance from the start. The people you may know right now might also be looking for someone. Just need to look, open up.
(high-five for social anxiety too)
Hoping you don’t take the downvotes to heart. Excuse my french, but you’re a bit of a weirdo and I’m sure you know this. I’m a weirdo in different ways so I get it lol!!
Anyway, I’m really happy for you that you managed to find a partner so well suited for you. A compatibility scenario like yours in an already niche group of people sounds more like finding a needle in a haystack to me. While I get that technically there is probably some individual on the planet that is compatible with me due to my niche sexual/romantic needs, it is statistically unlikely and incredibly difficult to ever hope to find someone like that.
Nah, the haters are always a minority, it’s fine :). I hope you at least try to stay open and positive about things, you might find someone just passively. You can do this ^_^
Thanks to you and /u/[email protected] for the delightfully polite and slightly weird, but very uplifting and wholesome interaction!
As someone who is demi and married, it was a lot of hard work to find what I was looking for. It was not something I was able to achieve organically out meeting people via a hobby or something. The dating pool is shallow and small for aces, tiny if one is rural. I was determined and persistent because it was important to me, and it still took me about 6 years of consistent effort to find the right relationship for me. I do not blame anyone for just opting out of trying.
The point of kissing is that human cheeks have more pheromones than most parts of the human body. When you kiss someone, your nose almost unaboidably ends up near that other person’s cheek. When you sense the other person’s pheromones, you will feel good or very good or, seldom, repulsive, depending on how different the person’s immune system is from yours or how close a relative the person is.
The part with lips touching each other is actually mostly irrelevant, but because people generally don’t know the actual point of why our species likes kissing, that’s the way they get their noses positioned correctly.
I would imagine that if you are as completely asexual as you say, you probably won’t feel much anything when kissing unknown people.
I guess kissing your parents’ cheeks has felt nice in your childhood, though? It’s also about pheromones, but of course not the same ones as with a romantic partner, so the feeling is different and maybe possible for you to feel?
Did you know that anti depression meds cause a lack of sexual interest in both males and females? Maybe that is the cause of your current situation
I am fully aware. But notice I said that the issue for me has been lifelong. During and after pubertal age, I never developed in that manner. I have been taking an SSRI for only the past few months. That leaves 15+ years prior to taking an SSRI or any sort of medications whatsoever where I had no libido. In my case, it was not caused by any medication. It was lifelong.
You may have chronically low testosterone but this is an issue you would need to discuss in detail with your doctor.
I am female! I hope my testosterone isn’t too high lol. I have always had incredibly regular periods as well so I doubt there is any sort of issue with that going on.
Some testosterone is important for women’s health too! It isn’t exclusively a male hormone though men do naturally produce more.
Please have a frank and open discussion with a health professional. There is nothing to be embarrassed about and you deserve the full range of the human experience.
Please remember that if someone is sex repulsed or doesn’t feel sexual desire that this is a weird thing to say. There are so many things humans can experience, with varying degrees of joy and pleasure, sex is not in some special category of “required in order to be human”. From my perspective if someone hasn’t had a perfectly ripe mango they haven’t had the full range of human experience, but some people don’t like mangos.
Ooo ooo, I don’t like mango! Fresh or otherwise!
Aces exist, there is nothing wrong with not feeling sexual desire or attraction. If it doesn’t upset her or effect her life in a way she doesn’t like then she doesn’t need medical intervention.
As someone who is demi and has lived many years at a time as essentially ace, it’s frustrating to hear people consistently downplay asexuality as a physical ailment. No, some people are just like this, it’s as valid an orientation as any other.
Wanting a higher libido and having zero libido is a problem. Encouraging a person to seek medical advice on an issue they have expressed is a problem is the responsible thing to do.
At no time did they state they were ace and at no point did I claim being ace is ‘invalid’ or a problem.
You are projecting your own frustrations onto the conversation when it isn’t about you.
I didn’t see anything in her posts that implied she wanted a higher libido or that she saw her lack of sexual desire as an issue in her day to day life. I did see her say she might like intimate human connection but that’s perfectly possible without sex. I think we might both be doing some projection, as yes I am sensitive to people who recommend seeing a doctor when someone describes what its like to be ace, but also you seem to assume having sex is a prerequisite to having an intimate relationship with someone.
It’s not.
This doesn’t come across as her being happy with the situation.
I never once mentioned a relationship.
I see, I didn’t interpret that paragraph that way
Did you know that if you read the whole post before jumping to conclusions, you might gain information that counters your assumptions? 🙂 They mentioned this being lifelong, not induced by medication.