i’m a 27 year old single mom with a 12 year old (yes i had him at 15) son who has severe ADHD. his father used to physically abuse me, and i left him a few years ago. i’ve been single ever since, and we’ve gotten super comfortable with each other just because of what we’ve been through the past few years (abusive ex, dangerous area & i had to work late nights at the club to pay the rent when he was a toddler). recently these past few weeks, my son has been knocking on my door at night because he can’t sleep and i feel bad so i’ll let him sleep with me for the night. he’ll cuddle with me a bit and we sleep pretty well, however i’ve read online that co-sleeping isn’t super healthy, and i definitely don’t want to negatively affect his development in any way. any advice would be appreciated :)
I think it’s okay as long as it is a temporary thing. I would definitely look into a quality therapist who can address any underlying issues.
I second this. I was this neurodivergent kid. Finding a therapist who can approach neurodivergence appropriately may mean that the solution isnt instant, but therapy is incredibly worth it for neurodivergent children.
First, I just want to highlight that when considering what is best for a kid, it’s better to consider tradeoffs rather than whether something is “healthy or unhealthy”. It’s possible that it’s unhealthy for your 12 year old to co-sleep with you, but it’s also possible that it’s unhealthy for them to suffer from a feeling of isolation. If so, it may be an appropriate trade-off.
Second, I agree with @[email protected]. The important thing is to try and address underlying causes, and also make this kind of comfort a short-term practice if possible.
Does your kid have any regular contact with a school counselor that they trust? I think the key question is why they’re doing this now. Is there anything recently that has caused additional stress that is hindering sleep? Could it be natural developmental processes impacting their sleep cycle? Would more physical activity in the afternoon help tire them out so they have an easier time falling asleep? Would a change in eating times or diet help? Would melatonin gummies help?
Also, I think this should be self-evident, but I find it worth saying: I think it’s healthy to have these conversations with the kid. Tell them you’re concerned that co-sleeping is not healthy, but want to make sure they’re comfortable. Ask them if they know why they’ve been having more trouble sleeping lately. Involve them in the process of trying to figure out how to approach this so they learn approaches to mindfully examine and manage their own health.