I don’t even know how to say this anymore without sounding like a damn broken record, but ever since Trump got elected in November, my mental health has been slipping. And lately it’s not just slipping. It’s more like I jumped off a cliff and freefalling toward jagged rocks.
I’ve done everything I’m supposed to. I stay active. I run 3 to 5 miles on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I exercise 3 to 5 days a week. I spend time outside. I touch grass. But none of it works anymore. It just doesn’t take the edge off like it used to.
I know doomscrolling makes it worse. I know the news and social media are built to keep people angry and scared. I try to pull away from it. But even when I do, I get hit from another angle. My girlfriend sends me political messages all day long, like she’s trying to convince me of something I already agree with. I’ve told her to give me some space, but it doesn’t stop. It’s like she needs me to be in constant panic mode with her, and I just can’t do it anymore.
Lately I find myself dreading conversation. I don’t even want to hear another human voice. I’m tired in a way I don’t know how to fix.
I thought retirement was going to bring me some peace. I’ve worked hard my whole life. I thought I had earned some quiet. Instead, the world keeps getting louder, and none of the things I used to do to cope are cutting it.
Is anybody else feeling this way?
You’re not alone OP, I’m in a similar boat. If I may make some suggestions, talk to your girlfriend again. Let her know how bad it is for you right now. Hopefully she listens and tries to support you in ways that helps.
Second, you should really consider a psychiatrist and therapy if you can afford it. (I’m going to assume you’re in the US). The Open Path Collective is a low cost network of therapists. You pay a one time membership fee and then sessions range from $30 to a maximum of $70. And Psychology Today has a psychiatrist finder thing that has all sorts of filters to find a psychiatrist that’s right for you, including low cost options. They can help you find a medication that’s right for you.
I know people talk a lot of shit about antidepressants (and to an extent, I agree with a lot of the criticisms) but it’s undeniable that they do help take the edge off. When you’re on a good one, all it does is pluck the depression out of your brain, it’s a very subtle feeling but it makes a world of difference.
Lastly, I would suggest that you try getting active in your community. Find an organization that aligns with your politics, or is doing work that you feel is important and just show up to a meeting/public event they’re having. It’s very likely they need the help and would take you in with open arms. There’s a degree of fulfillment and relief that comes with being able to do good for those around you and actually seeing the results that medication can’t provide. Food Not Bombs is a pretty ubiquitous organization that focuses on feeding the homeless. My local FNB also sets up a free store and we have a bicycle mechanic that does free maintenance for our neighbors. If cooking isn’t your forte, there’s always something else you could do to make a difference.
You have every reason to feel depressed right now OP. But I hope you’re able to improve your situation and work towards healing. Take care