I know I keep posting over and over but I’m in so much pain and I have no one or nowhere to go to when I am sad. I’m trying to channel everything internally without being such a burden and annoyance to people. I keep asking myself “why didn’t he fight for me and his relationship?” “Why am I so easy to be given up on?” “Was I even special to him?” … I cannot stop crying. I feel hopeless right now. When we stopped talking for a couple days and I reached out for closure, he said not speaking for those three days makes him realize he should’ve been more appreciative of me and how hard I tried and all those things. But if he was saying those things then why not turn it around? 😔I sound like a hopeless romantic but I can’t wrap my head around anything anymore… the closure somehow made it worse I guess. I told him I forgive him for anything he thinks he did wrong. He appreciated that. I miss him so much. I miss our memories, I miss his face. Something deep down inside of me feels like I’m going to see his face again but I know that’s false reality. We never even got to talk to each other about these things in person. I just want to cry in his arms.
Song written from a dude’s point of view, but I think it’s equally applicable:
Chris Smither - Winsome Smile:
https://youtu.be/CuMpm6g5xIQ
"Stop thinking now
Quit second-guessing all your failed relations
With your would’ve, could’ve, should’ve, maybe might-have-been
I’ll show you how
Send your feelings out for lubrication
Lose these blues and screw your head on tight again
She cut you bad, your heart is just a scar
But if you could just get mad, you’d be better off by far
What you want is taken
What you need is better circulation
Work that heavy heart and get it light again
Listen to me now
You suffer from a sad mis-apprehension
That if she could read your mind she’d see just how it ought to be
But she’s read it all by now
And your style don’t get a grip on her attention
She ain’t in your state of mind and she don’t want to be
You think if she’d just talk, you could explain it all
She’d be polite, but all night she’s been hoping you won’t call
She’ll say it’s all her fault, she’ll always be your friend
Plus loads of shit too dumb to mention
I’ve been that road and it’s paved with good intentions
Well it’s hard to believe
But I’m telling you your heart would soon recover
But you don’t want it to, you love this aching agony
'Cause it’s noble, and it’s true
You won’t forsake this pain for other lovers
Happiness would fill your mind with misery
Time will wound all heels, and it ain’t pretty
With any luck at all, she’ll find some dope that you can pity
Your loss is measured in illusions
And your gain is all in bittersweet intelligence
And your winsome smile will lose some of its innocence
Your winsome smile
Your winsome smile will lose some of its innocence"