There are two kinds of copes: healthy & unhealthy. What is your goal? If it’s to actually heal, you need to take steps towards healthy coping.
I’m working through my unhealthy copes. Things like targeted bitterness, willfully ignoring the issues, depersonalization, detached relationships, etc.
Long-term, I ain’t doin’ so great. But I’m trying to be in a healthier mindset in order to get better.
Baby steps.
And in case anyone needs a reminder: forgiveness does not mean “letting it ride”— sometimes it means letting it go of the hurt that’s clung onto you so that you can move forward, regardless of the other party. It’s a journey… it… certainly is a journey… and it will absolutely take time. And it doesn’t always involve closure. That’s where I personally am right now.
Anyhow. Yeah.
I don’t enjoy healthy coping. It hurts a lot. But I know it’s what I need to do in order not to destroy both myself & the others around me who may genuinely care.
Idk. Shit’s hard, yo.
EDIT: yeeeah, one time I did nothing else except immerse myself in a video game for like 3 months straight. No joke. Addiction has a lot of forms, but they’ll all fuck you up.
Agree on the healing (‘healthy coping’) is hard af part.
Being able to look at a memory and admitting that it hurt (and still does), took years.
But while I don’t enjoy the healing in the moment, I feel much better afterwards, than if I would have just distracted myself.
I even saw myself being less clumsy after a while cause my mind is less distracted with keeping down ‘bad’ memories.
But disagree on the existence of unhealthy coping.
If your leg gets mauled by an animal, the first thing you do is getting away, no matter how, be it crutch or crawling. Once you’re safe you can start letting your leg heal. Same thing with your mental health.
If you get hurt by loosing a friend or a breakup, you get yourself to safety, be it by distracting yourself or just sitting somewhere or crying or just playing strong. Once you’re able to live, then you need get to the healing/healthy coping.
The ‘unhealthy coping’ often feels less like a coping strategy, but like the way of life for someone who got his leg mauled and was either forced to continue as normal, never got to safety, or had to live with the animal and the constant mauling. They’re gonna have a lot of crutches, pathways and other weird behavior to work around the constantly broken leg(s). And someone who mentally never got to safety will have his addictions, detachments, depersonalization, etc.
But both will need to heal and let go of their respective survival strategies.
There are two kinds of copes: healthy & unhealthy. What is your goal? If it’s to actually heal, you need to take steps towards healthy coping.
I’m working through my unhealthy copes. Things like targeted bitterness, willfully ignoring the issues, depersonalization, detached relationships, etc.
Long-term, I ain’t doin’ so great. But I’m trying to be in a healthier mindset in order to get better.
Baby steps.
And in case anyone needs a reminder: forgiveness does not mean “letting it ride”— sometimes it means letting it go of the hurt that’s clung onto you so that you can move forward, regardless of the other party. It’s a journey… it… certainly is a journey… and it will absolutely take time. And it doesn’t always involve closure. That’s where I personally am right now.
Anyhow. Yeah.
I don’t enjoy healthy coping. It hurts a lot. But I know it’s what I need to do in order not to destroy both myself & the others around me who may genuinely care.
Idk. Shit’s hard, yo.
EDIT: yeeeah, one time I did nothing else except immerse myself in a video game for like 3 months straight. No joke. Addiction has a lot of forms, but they’ll all fuck you up.
This is about the best answer that can be expected for such a vague plea for help.
I’ve done the video game addiction thing myself. Path of Exile…the game was good. Using it for unhealthy coping was not good.
Basically I would agree. The only thing you can change is yourself. Work on yourself. Dodge the second arrow.
Thank you for the link. It’s as if that article was spying on my wife, and I’ll share it with her when she wakes. Happy Tuesday!
Agree on the healing (‘healthy coping’) is hard af part. Being able to look at a memory and admitting that it hurt (and still does), took years.
But while I don’t enjoy the healing in the moment, I feel much better afterwards, than if I would have just distracted myself. I even saw myself being less clumsy after a while cause my mind is less distracted with keeping down ‘bad’ memories.
But disagree on the existence of unhealthy coping.
If your leg gets mauled by an animal, the first thing you do is getting away, no matter how, be it crutch or crawling. Once you’re safe you can start letting your leg heal. Same thing with your mental health.
If you get hurt by loosing a friend or a breakup, you get yourself to safety, be it by distracting yourself or just sitting somewhere or crying or just playing strong. Once you’re able to live, then you need get to the healing/healthy coping.
The ‘unhealthy coping’ often feels less like a coping strategy, but like the way of life for someone who got his leg mauled and was either forced to continue as normal, never got to safety, or had to live with the animal and the constant mauling. They’re gonna have a lot of crutches, pathways and other weird behavior to work around the constantly broken leg(s). And someone who mentally never got to safety will have his addictions, detachments, depersonalization, etc.
But both will need to heal and let go of their respective survival strategies.