I recently rewatched the video of the woman on the plane screaming that the passenger beside her wasn’t human and it got me thinking about something I’ve seen.
I remember seeing a teenage girl in a small food store I go to address the guy behind the counter as ‘human’. “Thanks, human.” Stuff like that. I think she was just doing a bit or something but I thought it was strange.
Edit: I’m guessing all of the downvotes are from asexuals I’ve offended somehow? I don’t really get how my personal experience of feeling not quite human is somehow offensive. Romance/sex are literally ubiquitous in media…almost every song, book, movie, etc. involves them in some manner or another. To not be able to relate to something that’s literally all around me every single day makes me feel less human than everyone. And to then not be able to relate to the asexual community makes me feel even further away…
Sometimes I feel like I am a different species of being that isn’t quite human. I lack a very core set of feelings and sensations that 99% of humans seem to feel and experience. Not in terms of empathy or compassion or anything like that, so I don’t think I’m a psychopath, just a bit different…
I’ve found there are others out there like me, but so rare that I’ve not met another in person.
For the curious, I’m likely to be considered to be on the asexuality spectrum. But the confusing thing to me is that many asexuals I’ve spoken to or read about online still seem to experience their own form of attraction and their own sexual urges. So I still don’t relate to the majority of them and I find it confusing why they all still consider themselves to be asexual.
The descriptions you wrote resonate a lot with myself.
I’m often “robotic”, I even sound like some LLM as someone recently accused me of being. It’s not AI, it’s me, although I’m not sure who exactly…
That’s because I often find myself fighting with me, as if my essence/soul and my physicality/body were two distinct entities. Part of me wants to “just be normal” (whatever that means), while the other part of me finds no purpose at all, a nihilist perception from a cosmic level, all the way to myself and my existence.
And there’s my brain, often diving itself into an almost obsessive seeking for information and knowledge. I try to learn as much as I can find (self-teaching was always an easy thing to me), and I dive into a whole ocean of information and knowledge across several fields, from STEM fields to philosophy and a syncretic spirituality (from several belief systems). Deep inside, it’s me trying to flee from myself.
I feel like I exist in a bubble of myself, with my own culture, habits and thoughts disconnected from “other humans”, as if I couldn’t really get to understand the “invisible and unwritten rules” while having my own “invisible and unwritten rules” which nobody else seems to understand, yet deep inside I know there are people similar to me, struggling to cope with themselves and their surroundings just like I struggle to cope with myself and my surroundings.
I can at least try clearing some stuff up on being asexual.
While the name Asexuality inherently suggests a complete lack of sexual interest, folks these days try to treat it more as a spectrum, much in the same way that sexuality itself is a spectrum (more to it than gay and straight!) There’s probably a better way to describe the spectrum than calling all parts of it the “I don’t like sex” club, but I digress.
There’s folks like you who are completely not into sex. “Sex repulsed” is the term I’ve seen used most, though repulsion to sex itself doesn’t inherently suggest finding disgust in sex (“It ain’t gross, I just don’t see the appeal”), but plenty enough asexual people find sex to be disgusting in some way, shape, or form that it should be noted.
I’ve always called myself grey asexual - I do get sexual urges, and I enjoy relieving those urges on my own, but the thought of sex itself isn’t a pleasant one for me. I consider myself sex repulsed given my history of having been sexually abused.
I’ve met folks that called themselves demisexual - Sex itself isn’t what’s desired, but rather the human connection one can build with sex, and the bonds that form in one’s passions with another. They’re not interested in random hookups, cause sex itself isn’t the point. They find that sexual appeal rises in people they have a more personal connection to.
What you and others feel and experience is valid. It just became a way for me to feel further alienated from the human race knowing that I didn’t fit in with the vast majority of asexuals either.
One interesting thing I’ve found is that those in the community are hell bent on defining every single facet of themselves. It becomes a mess and ends up imo not overly helpful for some of us. With others you just have terms like “gay” or “straight” and leave it at that. I’ve looked up all the definitions before but haven’t found them useful. It just made me feel further alienated from the human race seeing as I do not even fit in with the asexuals either.
I think I just have a problem with the term “asexual”. Just look at the breakdown of the word: “a-”-“devoid of” “-sexual”-sex. To me, looking at the word implies a total lack of desire for sex, both in terms of libido (with the self or with others) and sexual/romantic attraction to others. In practice, this is NOT what it means to be asexual. I do understand that this is not what it means for a majority of asexuals. But in that case, I wish they could have picked a different term to claim.
Not sure if the downvotes above are from me somehow offending asexuals. I don’t really see how what I said is overly offensive. Sex and romance are absolutely ubiquitous. I’m surrounded by said media every single day…music, TV, movies, books. And I cannot relate to any of it. I remember being excited the one day I thought I finally found others like me, only to be disheartened by the fact that the vast majority of them are still not like me. It is alienating.
Google voidpunk.
I had never heard of this before. I googled it and I don’t really understand what it is.
Asexuals and other queers who feel dehumanised embracing inhumanity by choice and making it their own.