geteilt von: https://lemmy.world/post/18499026
“In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.
A majority of single males surveyed reported fear as the main reason they do not approach women for dates in person. Fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were the two most common responses.
The data highlights a growing concern in the United States and abroad — loneliness. A 2023 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that almost half of U.S. adults report “measurable levels of loneliness.”
It’s interesting to say the least. It seems as though the social repercussions and rejection are the most profound reason. While the fear of rejection is easy enough to digest. But I think the fear or social consequences is a relatively new construct.
From what I understand it’s the fear of being viewed as a creep to approach a woman out of the blue. Which to me, is reasonable enough. But I don’t think I have ever heard my old man or anyone of his generation bringing this to the table.
Yet I do remember asking my friends about picking up hints and whether or not men are really that bad at it. And most them saying the just don’t want to risk misinterpreting it.
Perhaps there is an argument to be made that approaching women like this, has fallen out of social fashion. What do you guys think?
p.s. I hope this is casual enough of a conversation. I kinda screwed up my last one, I admit.
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How is the act of romantically approaching men out by women coming along statistically?
I would say I’ve never approached a woman romantically not quite out of fear of being viewed as a creep, but out of fear of creeping her out. I’m paranoid about putting people in uncomfortable situations, because I hate when it’s done to me
I could never imagine “approaching a woman romantically”. However, I’d also say it’s 100% a different thing to say, see someone across the room, and then meet at the bar while ordering a drink. “Hey I like how you did your hair” or “Great/terrible music”, small talk you know. If she reacts poorly, eh you tried. But maybe you strike up a conversation, all about confidence
I can’t speak to how common this is, or if overall rates have declined, but I still do it. There are a lot of people in the comments who are worried about coming off as a creep, and I’m sure a lot of guys do come off that way, but I don’t think it’s that hard to hit on someone in a non-creepy way. I asked a woman out last week like so-
Me: “Hey, sorry if this is abrupt but would you like to have lunch or a coffee sometime?”
Her: “Yeah! That sounds like fun”
Me: “Cool, let me give you my number…”
Me (after chatting a bit): “Sorry for hitting on you out of the blue.”
Her: “It’s totally fine!”Things to note:
- I gave her my number instead of asking for hers so that she could turn me away by just not texting me.
- I was relaxed and willing to joke about my abrupt approach.
- I’m not exceedingly handsome, but not particularly ugly either.
- I’m ready to exit the conversation politely and humorously if she turns me down.
- We had talked briefly a few times prior to my approaching her.
We had talked briefly a few times prior to my approaching her.
So it wasn’t completely out of the blue. I feel like this part is pretty critical. You had established yourself in a positive way before making the ask. If your first-ever interaction with her had been asking her out on a date, I doubt it would have gone as well.
Fair. She works in a place that I’ve been a few times and I have said hello once or twice.
Agreed. The difference between reading 95% and 100% of that comment is massive.
How to be a millionaire.
- work hard attitude
- get up at 5am
- get a million dollars from parents.
how to talk to women.
- be light hearted
- don’t put her on the spot
- have talked to her previously.
Tl;dr women are humans, talk to them as humans, and maybe they’ll be up for making another human with you.
This comparison is ridiculous as they are completely different. This isn’t about talking to other humans, it’s about trying to establish a romantic relationship. It isn’t a tautology that to date someone you had to speak to them.
Having spoken to someone a little bit before asking them out for a date is very standard behaviour in every environment outside of locations where people are there specifically to find a romantic relationship (be that just sex, or more), like a bar, tinder, speed dating, etc.
It’s like, don’t just approach a woman in the office that you’ve never spoken to, and ask her out. It’s very unlikely (but granted, not impossible) that she wants to go from total strangers, to starting a relationship with romantic intentions, with someone she also has never spoken to.
But, if you’re making a coffee and she’s there too, be friendly and talk to her. Ask socially normal and typical questions like if she had a good weekend, and if so what did she get up to. If she’s receptive, keep talking to her. Once this has happened a few times, and she’s engaging with you - rather than just being polite and trying to get away ASAP - then ask her out. This doesn’t have to take a long time, it could be as quick as a couple of days, if you’re getting good responses from her.
Eh, are they asking about other ways to get into dating though?
This sounds like “cold approaching”. Like a guy walks up to a woman he doesn’t know or barely knows and asks her out. I can tell you for one woman’s perspective, this sort of approach has a 0% chance of working on me. And before anyone says, “but what if he’s good looking and rich hurr durr hypergamy”. No, still no. If anything, a super good looking guy in slick clothes cold approaching me is gonna make me wonder if I’m about to be abducted into his fucked up forced prostitution ring.
Imagining what it might be like for a guy, yeah, “cold approaching” sounds terrifying and likely futile.
Wanna know how I got every single date with a guy ever? Online dating where I was actively open to being approached (no longer a cold approach on the part of the man) or doing some approaching myself. Or I met him through friends and got to know him a bit before we mutually decided the vibes were nice (no “approach” at all). This one requires having friends though, so lots of the worst of the chronically online misogynists are already opting out.
I met my wife by way of “cold approach” but I wasn’t approaching her to flirt or get her number. Honestly, I was trying to bum a smoke. But we got to talking and we just kept at it. She decided she like me and started flirting, I wasn’t totally oblivious and eventually took the hint. I don’t know if that’s different from what you’re talking about or it’s just that we are older than you are. Just adding another data point to the conversation.
I think that also counts as “approaching”, but I think the “cold approach” the user you replied to was talking about, is when a guy just walks up to a woman out of the blue and says “hey, wanna date?”. I think anyone with half a brain can see that’s not a good approach. It would scare anyone away. You have to ease into it, make up an excuse to start a conversation. Like bumming a cigarette. It’s pretty old fashioned, but I think it’s a decent enough way for a man to approach a woman. Of course it can be done very wrong as well.
I was and still am very cautious of approaching woman. I asked my gf in person as well because i just think its just important to be genuine and personal about it.
I asked my gf in person as well because i just think its just important to be genuine and personal about it.
When you say you asked your gf in person. What exactly do you mean by this?
#metoo won, and I hope the species dies for it.
I think this trend predates that by a longshot
You’ve got a generation of young men who look at a woman, and they think “If I approach her, she WILL react badly, I just don’t know HOW badly. There’s a strong chance she’ll assassinate my character online. Pussy just doesn’t sound fun enough to try this.”
The metoo thing is about coming forward about rape. Conversely, what you’re describing is cyberbullying. I realise the former can be used as the latter by assholes, but publically lambasting someone’s reputation is not a new thing.
If you think getting dragged on school twitter is bad, try having a dirty rumour started about you in a small town.
That’s a fuckton of assumptions. Terrible assumptions, I might add.
