Title says it all
A duck walks into a bar wearing one shoe. The bartender says “hey buddy, you lost a shoe” and the duck says “nah, I found one!”
Okay, now that’s good.
This joke is all class. Well done
- What’s brown and sticky?
- A stick
What’s blue and sticky?
The same stick when it holds its breath.
What’s brown and rymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre
I called the wrong number today. I said ‘Hello, is Joey there?’
A woman answered and she said ‘Yes he is.’
And I said ‘Can I speak to him please?’
She said ‘No, he can’t talk right now, he’s only two months old.’
I said 'Alright, I’ll wait
I’m sorry for spamming Steven Wright jokes. I’ll stop now
I used to like Steven Wright.
I still do, but I used to, too.
That you, Mitch?
An underage weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says “sorry, I can’t serve you alcohol, you’re too young”. The weasel replies that’s ok, I’ll drink something else. The bartender says “well I have water, soda pop, and cranberry juice, what’ll it be?”
“Pop!” goes the weasel
Awesome
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I asked my North Korean friend how things are back at home.
He said he can’t complain.
How do think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg.
Mike Tyson? That you?
What do you call an elephant that can only be accessed remotely?
Telephant
Yes, I’m a dad, how did you know?
Why did the farmer win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
The dumbest joke I know is a knock knock Joke and goes like this. You first have to make the person you’re telling the joke to start saying “knock knock”, then you you say, “who’s there?”.
Proceed to watch the other person confused about what to do next 😅
Usually, the most effective way is to say, “Wanna hear a knock knock joke?”
“Sure!”
“Okay, you start.”
Has about a 90% success rate.
That was a far better formulate of what I tried to say haha :)
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says: “Did you know you have a steering belt attached to your crotch?” The pirate answers: “Yarr, it be driving me nuts!”
I broke a mirror in my house, and you’re supposed to get seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
What do you call ten thousand lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
A good start.
An English breakfast has up to 9 ingredients, an American breakfast as many as 10, but in France 1 egg is enough.
(Un œuf sounds like “enough.” That’s the joke.)
So I was laying in bed with my girlfriend reading the secondhand diary that I bought… ‘I don’t remember this.’
First thought, “wtf is a hand diary”. Secondhand.
I’m hyper productive. Have one for my first hand and another for my second hand.
