Heard a guy respond to another guy calling him a motherfucker with ‘yeah, but your mom didn’t complain much’, so it got me thinking. What are your best comebacks for the common insults you hear from time to time?
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If it’s someone random, and I haven’t said anything to them at all, I’ll usually put on a confused face and sign “What?” in ASL. Really takes the piss out of them. The hardest part is keeping a straight face when they try to repeat the insult but louder.
It’s also my go-to power move when I’m in a long line or waiting room and someone tries to get chatty. Seriously, if you have the opportunity to take some ASL classes, you definitely should.
One I’ve heard: a guy was giving another guy some shit for drinking a “girly drink”, saying “real men don’t drink those”.
The guy instantly responded, “Real men drink whatever the fuck they want.”
“I fucked your mom”
Oh, so now you’re disappointing other people’s parents?
That’s just like… Your opinion man
You’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an asshole.
If someone calls you fat.
Ya I’m fat but I can lose weight. The hell are you going to do with that face.
I’ve heard this one!
Heard of. Heard of.
I pull out the “I’m rubber, you’re glue”. Nobody expects it these days, either that or “Would Mister Rogers approve of your actions?” I’ve yet to meet someone who doesn’t at least pause at that.
I can’t pull it off, but “I’m thinking you weren’t burdened with an over-abundance of schooling.” From Firefly is killer
“How appropriate, you fight like a cow”
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries.
Which, IIRC, insinuated that their mother was a snackish breeder and their father was a gin drunk. (Also, that she was past tense?)
She got better
If someone calls you a pussy, the best response is “you are what you eat, dick.”
The best comeback to an insult in general is:
“Who is this clown?”
Because it not only calls them a clown, but it infers they aren’t even popular enough to be a well-known clown.
*implies
Who is this clown?
“Well, I guess you’re no longer invited to my birthday party.”
Said to a random person, it confuses the hell out of them.
If you want my cum back you’ll have to scrape it off your mother’s teeth - Jimmy Carr
Sticks and stones can break my bones, But names can never hurt me.
Sticks and stones can break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.
You’ll either creep them out so they leave you alone, or you find a new friend with benefits.
The best response to every insult is “ok”. Say that and walk away.
