I made a similar post a couple of years ago, but I think it’s time again after seeing a few nice-guy/incel posts here. So, guys who have made it to the other side, what would you say to your previous self? I’ll leave my own personal answer in a comment below.
I see, so rather than trying to make people want to be with you by being nice, you should be nice to people and then they’ll be attracted to you. Uhh… wut? Sounds like you haven’t changed at all.
How is what you did “after” different from what you did “before”?
No, over text they might sound similar, but in person it’s easier to see that the difference is between being performative in his niceness as a means to have friends/a girlfriend versus being nice as a means toward being his better self, with friends following naturally from that.
Thanks, yeah it’s hard to state over text. The big thing was realizing I wasn’t being nice - I was acting nice so that a girl would like me. Huge difference. You have to just be a good person, and many other things. Acting nice is very transparent. Being nice is a completely separate thing.
No, OP said “which worked”, which implies that his being nice was not just a means toward being his better self but also a means to get what he wanted from other people. Like before.
I think I can forgive someone using the language of their past self when reflecting upon that past. In the context of the paragraph, I think it’s fair to say that “which worked” means something more along the lines of “and things did get better.” Maybe he could have improved his word choice in that instance, but I don’t think that negates everything else said.
I can already hear you saying “but that’s not what he said, and that was his choice of words.” And to that, I point to one of the key lessons I learned in college philosophy: questions of meaning come before questions of truth. In this case where one short two word sentence does not fit the rest of what he is saying, I think it’s best to ask what they could mean that would fit.
I disagree. The two word sentence fits precisely everything else he said, which seems to describe exactly the same behaviour with exactly the same end goal. There doesn’t seem to be any difference between “before” and “after”.
“niceness” from incels is very different from genuine niceness with no ulterior motive, with an incel mind, its always expectation of gain, when they dont gain something from its always a mysogynistic response. its very easy to detect when someone is being Actually nice, and someone is faking a niceness.
I disagree.
That seems very naive to me.