I’m 42 (TransFemme). I work from home. Have precisely zero close friends and not even any real surface level friends that don’t live 4+ hours away. Acquaintances at best and none I can comfortably call upon when shit goes sideways. I have no family. They all have either passed or, like my original friend group, disowned me about a decade ago when I came out and transitioned. So no one to put on an “In case of emergency” contact form.
Work holds no meaning other than a paycheck. I don’t really feel a desire to improve a billionaire’s bank statement with my hard work.
It feels like I’m just going through the motions. Biding my time until the inevitable. I know I can’t be the only one. Heck some of y’all may even be flourishing after similar situations. For me? Everyday feels more lonely than the last.
How do y’all do it?
(No this isn’t an unalive myself cry for help. Yes I am in regular therapy. I just don’t have any other avenue for asking such things besides publicly here and some other socials)
EDIT to add: I live in very rural US and unfortunately moving is not an option for me at this time or anytime soon.
I’m essentially in the same boat as you but I’m in my mid-30s and in Los Angeles. I don’t connect with people here anymore (now that I’m done partying and doing drugs all the time like I was in my 20s). It’s rough.
I tend to take some programming courses online as well as a Mandarin course with a tutor in China. Lately I’ve been looking for good places to study.
I border on loneliness quite often but I legitimately don’t really care for most people so I live with it.
Tap your old networks, you would surprised that others are in the same boat as you and willing to chat… Something online together.
Sure most will blow you off but you only need a few to respond in kind.
It is easier than making new friends. Society and age don’t enable new friends ship formation as matter of policy