Title. Interested to see the response from different religions
Edit: Stating your religion would be appreciated. Lack of religion counts for the purpose of this question. Also let’s not downvote people for differing religions, all voices are welcome here.
No. I couldn’t be with anyone who actually takes religion seriously. It just wouldn’t work.
Marry me
who needs tinder when there’s lemmy ?
Best way to find a boyfriend who knoes his way around Linux
I wouldn’t get involved with someone deeply religious. I’d consider someone religious if they were sufficiently wishy-washy about it, though, e.g. people who are christian and believe in it at least enough to not call themselves atheists or agnostics but don’t really DO anything christian.
Would you turn someone down for believing in heaven/hell/etc alone?
I am atheist and my wife is Buddhist. While not exactly true, I view Buddhism more as a philosophy and it is more palatable in that regard. My tolerance for people practicing religion is also fairly high as long as they don’t try and “convert me”.
As a result, I have been to plenty of ceremonies for things over the years and it doesn’t bother me. Of course, I don’t believe in any of that “magic” but there is usually loads of good food that comes attached, depending. (Also, there is a high probability of after-hours gambling and drinking which was cool when I did that stuff, at least with the Asian crowd I roll with.)
+20 years married into a Buddhist family, if you were wondering about that.
Am also atheist, I have an extreme…distaste for religion in general. There are some that I find easier to mesh with, very dependent on the person in particular. But I have some long married friends with vastly different religious views and they work out somehow.
Oh, I get it. My distaste for religion runs deep as well. However, in my own direct experience, I have not seen any overt religious-driven nasty behavior in my years around Buddhism. (Not to say that it doesn’t exist, but I haven’t seen it.)
For the record, I grew up in an extreme Southern Baptist area, and still hold the belief that all those fuckers are all pure evil.
Buddhism seems like one of the easier ones to mesh with, yeah. Thank you for your response, I appreciate it very much!
I’m atheist, and my partner was Muslim when I first knew her.
People say it doesn’t mater - but honestly it really fucking does.
Imagine being in relationship with someone who never really left North Korea, deep down. There’s so much fear, so much fear-driven obedience, and so much fear-driven defense of the indefensible.
I never really understood the concept of freedom of conscience until I was arguing with one of her friends about Amina Lawal, the Nigerian woman sentenced to death by stoning for adultery - with her sentence delayed until her baby was weaned. Despite being really very progressive at heart, my partner ended up arguing in favour of it - and then later on was seriously pissed off at me for making her defend that.
She ended up deconverting several years later (certainly not at my behest), and things got immeasurably better from then on.
But that’s not a possibility I’d recommend banking on. My honest advice is just don’t go there, it’s far more stressful than you think it is.
Damn that is hardcore
I had a gf who considered herself Christian. Not someone who talked about it a lot, but I guess she has some belief. I have a fairly negative view of organized religion in general. She really wanted to start going to church and I was um, wow, sounds horrible. She looked around found a church with surprisingly cool people - not at all bible thumpers, or full of pretentious nonsense, hell and brimstone, none of that. They support LGBTQ, operated a homeless shelter, gave sermons about pro-abortion rights and astronomy. I was pleasantly surprised. Still I ended up determining that I didn’t want to wake up at 7:30 each Sunday to go there. I figured out that she viewed church more as a social club and some sort of tradition from her family.
If it was someone drastically different, like talking constantly about reading the bible and telling me I had to convert and basing half their life around it, absolutely not. I not only am not interested myself but I think it would illustrate some negative aspects of their personality that I don’t want to be around. I had a gf who owned a retail store and people would come in and tell her ridiculous stories about Jesus healing people when they were missionaries in Africa. Later she’d tell me and ask “Do you think that was true? Jesus really DID THAT?” and I’d have to be um… no. That lady sounds like a liar or a psycho, sorry. Not great for a relationship. It turned out it was just some feel-good thing for her. She didn’t read the bible or really know anything about scripture. Just thinking “magic jesus loves me” made her feel good. I’m only really vaguely religious but still I can’t respect that.
I’ll chime in myself here. Am an atheist, have dated hard core Christian women, Wiccans, and atheists. I’ve found that religion didn’t actively impact the relationship until it spilled over into daily life that my partner required I take part in. I actually really enjoyed religious history conversations with my more moderate partners. It started to break down when it was “shut up no debate this is how it is” and those are the relationships that ended badly.
I’m an atheist. I dated a woman once who believed in spirits. I think she experienced night terrors among other things and interpreted them as supernatural phenomena. It didn’t cause problems then but I was a lot younger and I think now I’m less tolerant of that sort of thing. But who knows - I was crazy about her so maybe if I meet a woman I’m crazy about like that again then I’ll tolerate anything.
More recently I’ve dated people who believe in a vague sort of life after death but never someone who practiced any religion. I think I would immediately rule out practicing religious people if I were going through a list (as when dating online) but if I met someone in person, really liked her, and then found out she was religious then I’m not sure what I would do. It would definitely be off-putting.
The problem for me isn’t the lifestyle differences but rather my impression that religious people are missing the point about the basic nature of existence, when it really should be obvious. It makes me feel like I’m patronizing them, because to be frank I don’t tend to think of them as my intellectual equals. (And I know that makes me sound like a pompous jerk.)
Yea I kinda get the same feeling. Although for a lot of people their religion does not preclude the acceptation/understanding of a physical world, it’s a more of set of rites that they inherited and that’s part of their identity. There’s plenty of religious people who are scientists. For some, I imagine it may be difficult to reconcile.
I know that there are religious scientists and I think humans often compartmentalize beliefs in such a way that their belief about the supernatural doesn’t affect their assessment of real-world situations. I’ll even go further and say that often it seems like their belief affects their behavior much less than it logically ought to, with some (but not all) people who apparently sincerely believe in an all-seeing God and an afterlife still acting just like atheists in relevant situations. In this context, the fanatics are sometimes technically the more rational ones - I disagree with their premises, but their actions make sense if those premises are considered true.
It’s certainly weird how many people say that they believe and then just … don’t do anything that their belief says they should do.
I think people’s behavior is determined much more by social conventions and the expectations of their community (in addition to pragmatic self-interest) than it is by logical reasoning. I’ll risk being the preachy vegetarian by discussing people’s attitudes towards eating meat. Most people sincerely believe that cruelty to animals is wrong, and also that factory farming (if not all killing) is cruel. Yet they eat meat. I even know some people who started eating meat again after being ethical vegetarians. Did they change their minds about whether or not harming animals is bad? No. If pressed, they feel guilty but they don’t like to talk about it. The reason they’re eating meat is because it’s convenient and almost everyone expects them to, not because they reasoned from first principles. Likewise with religion - if no one else is giving everything away to the poor and everyone will think you’re crazy if you do rather than praising you, you’re not going to give everything away to the poor even if it would make sense to do so given what you believe.
Edit: Kidney donation is another example. I met a woman once who donated a kidney to a friend of her mother’s. This person wasn’t someone particularly dear to her, but she found out that he needed a kidney to live and she gave him hers. I think that what she did is commendable, but I still have both my kidneys. This is despite the fact that I sincerely believe that if, for example, I saw a drowning child then I would risk my life to save him. People would think I was a hero if I saved the child, or that I was a coward if I didn’t try. Meanwhile almost everyone I know would think I went crazy if I donated a kidney to a stranger. My relatives would be extremely worried, and they would try to talk me out of it. I’m not going to do something difficult, painful, and (to an extent) dangerous when everyone I know would disapprove, even if in principle I think risking my life to save another’s is a good thing to do.
Atheist. In general I don’t have a problem with religion, as long as it doesn’t get uncomfortable. By that I mean stuff like forcing or forbidding me to do stuff. Not believing in basic science is a hard no as well.
But I feel like that’s a problem that only part of the world has. Christianity in the U.S is a fucking cult. I don’t think I could date anyone from that hardcore believe system. I’m from germany andI am yet to meet a christian that believe in the bullshit parts. Like believing in what the bible says alone is fucking weird to me and pretty much novody exeptfor hardcores does that here.
So I’d say for methe line is at “cult” level
There’s already several comments saying “depends on the beliefs and how important they are,” and obviously there’s that.
I’ll add that there are beliefs people don’t immediately think of when talking about religion. There’s religious humanism, which is a secular religion based around behaving ethically which also has a bunch of traditions similar to spiritually-based religions, minus the spirituality. Adherents (can) attend church and hear sermons on ways to be a better person, etc.
I’m not a religious humanist but they sound like they’re probably decent enough people. They’re quite different to my generic fediverse atheist/irreligious views, in the sense that I don’t have any desire to attend congregations of people who identify as religiously ethical, but I don’t harbor any strong objections to their beliefs.
Personally, I understand it more as something that might be nice for people who have left spiritual religion but still want the trappings of a place to go and be with a community of like-minded people, but that’s not my experience. Ultimately, that’s probably about as far as I’d be comfortable, where we have roughly equivalent spiritual views but highly divergent religious views.
Thank you for this insight! I had no idea myself
Atheist, married to a Buddhist. He prays daily and has his rituals.
Made it clear from the start that I’m ok with religion as long as they don’t try to convert me or harm others.
Aside some dietary requirements, it works quite well. Married for 9 years now.
This works quite well for us, but results and experience may differ based on religion, patience and personal beliefs. I imagine I might have a hard time dating a religious zealot though.
Same here. I am not interested in religion (so not even really atheist), wife is Buddhist doing Buddhist things. Married for 40 years this year, and it’s not an issue.
Depends. Do they love and respect me? Are they trying to convert me every chance they get?
Where do you draw the line? That’s what I’m curious about
I don’t. Believe whatever you want to believe. My wife thinks bigfoot, ancient aliens, ghosts, werewolves, vampires, demons, angels, etc exist. I think that statically aliens have to exist but the rest are bunk. It doesn’t affect me if she believes those things.
My therapist once told me he believed that aliens had been in communication with the US government since the Reagan administration and I had to think about how I wanted to react to that for a little bit. He was an incredibly helpful therapist, but I considered that fucking nuts. I totally agree that aliens likely exist in some fashion, just as a result of probability, but I don’t think they’re here or in secret communication with humans. My therapist thinking they were made me doubt his judgment in other areas. In the end, I decided that he could have a blind spot about aliens and still be an effective therapist.
I’m not religious, and though I absolutely respect and am almost jealous of the ritual/communal aspect of religion, I honestly think people who really believe in it are a bit deluded, which feels pretty judgmental and shitty of me. My attitude towards religious people has become a lot more open over time though- I was a stereotypical 15 year old atheist shithead in my catholic high school- so I can imagine that eventually I won’t feel at all condescending about it.
I don’t think I would have been at all bothered if my therapist was religious (depending on the religion), but I would not be able to be in a relationship with someone who was. Weirdly, I think I’d be more accepting of a partner believing in aliens. I guess I care more about a shared understanding of the universe with a partner and more about critical thinking skills from a therapist, lol.
I don’t date/wed a religion, or a god. Only a person.
That being said, there would still be the obvious limit that I would have to like (and be liked by) the person which, as far as I’m concerned, would most probably exclude some of the more… extreme religious beliefs.
Hard to say for sure really.
I can respect someone’s religious views as long as they aren’t trying to push them on me. That’s to say; not trying to make me believe the same or insist that I have to follow the rules of their chosen religion.
As far as my own views go; I don’t follow any particular religion. I don’t necessarily believe there isn’t some form of god, but I don’t follow/believe in any specific deity either. Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t; but there have been hundreds of thousands of gods/goddesses/deities/religious figures throughout human history. Who’s to say you’ve chosen the correct one, along with the correct set of (sometimes oddly specific) rules and regulations to go along with it?
You want commandments to follow? Here’s one:
“Don’t be an asshole”
Everything else kind of just falls into place around that. As long as we can respect each other and our differences; yeah, romance is certainly possible.
I could maybe see myself with a pagan, but it depends on how much woo they believe in.
Luckily, a wonderful atheist woman found me and we’ve been married going on 10 years now.
My wife was a freeform muslim when we met and we learned a lot from each other, then again she’s a very flexible and tolerant being. I was and still am pretty much agnostic I guess. No strong opinion… no horse in the cosmic race
