There is this girl I have been talking to for a time. I like her, and we also share some common ground. Recently she told how she is struggling very much with anxiety.
She’s worried people dislike her, worried about people only pretending to be her friend, people slowly losing interest. She is without exaggeration suicidal about it. More over I overheard her saying she hates people who are only interest in sex.
And here is the damned kicker, I am only interest in having sex with her. Normally when people talk about how they dislike people only interested in sex, I take that as my cue to leave. It’s totally fine they feel this way, but it also means we’re not compatible. However seeing how this girl is damn near suicidal about people pretending to like her, I’m not sure what to do.
If she’s not into one night stands that’s fine but that does mean I’m walking (I’m also not interested in any friendship). But I don’t want her to kill herself over it either.
If all you want is a one night stand, this kinda does sound like you’re leading her on. It feels a bit dishonest to be talking with her for an extended period of time and getting to know her if you just want a hookup, not even a friendship.
In this situation all you can be is honest, but in the future I’d take a look at how you’re interacting with people.
I mean, you gotta make bread somehow… This is the only way I know how. I show interest in the person and see if they like me back. If they don’t, I leave it at that. I will concur it might be difficult for the other party to distinguish my intentions.
But I will be honest with her. I will encourage her to seek help and tell her how I feel about us.
That is called manipulation not making bread.
No, it is not. I have never cajoled nor coaxed her to do anything. I never vowed for any long term relationship, platonic or otherwise. I simply have amicable talks with her in the hopes it might kindle a spark. And clearly it has not, so I’m moving on.
If you continued the relationship past day one with the intention of leading the relationship into sex, but without the intent of becoming at least friends, you absolutely were leading her on. You intentionally behaved in a way that suggested you wanted a connection. That is intentional dishonesty for the purposes of getting what you want from someone.