A coworker asks what you’re bringing to the potluck. What’s the worst response?
Me: Condoms.
Coworker: You don’t need condoms at a potluck?
Me: Wow! You guys are freaks! (Then walk away & refuse to elaborate)
“You’re not a friend, you’re a coworker. Why would I ever do something with you outside of work?”
Direct eye contact the whole time
I’m bringing long pork. It’s my great grandfather’s recipe from his sailing days. Also Greg told me he can’t make it because he’s going off-grid for a while. He said you shouldn’t worry about him, he’s fine, but he quits because he hates all of you. He went into details but I won’t repeat them. If you try to contact him he’ll say hurtful things to you like he did to me, so don’t even try. He’s fine, he hates all of you, don’t look for him, enjoy the long pork.
why hasn’t Greg returned any of my calls Aeao
I hate to deliver bad news which is why I didn’t speak to you directly… He was very clear that although he hated everyone he specifically mentioned hating you because he finds your calls annoying and he says your most unattractive quality is how concerned you are with the safety of others. It was pretty cold of him to say. I understand tho that you can’t help the clearly negative part of your personality so what I can do is say that anytime you want an update on Greg just ask me, and only me … so that other people don’t see how annoying you are. I’m the only one who will understand and help you. So just ask only me and I’ll tell you how Greg is doing alone in the woods. I hear he’s started a sour dough culture. He’s doing very very well.
Remember tho, only me. If you ask anyone else they will leave you, like Greg left you. So we have to keep this a secret or else everyone will hate you. I’m the only one who won’t leave you… Because I care.
oh actually. he’s a dick. we just needed him to sign his timesheet. but. he can go pound sand. btw thanks for the “long pork” it is so good
Oh… Right… Well I wouldn’t bother with that or be surprised if he doesn’t cash his final check. With his new lifestyle and all… Sign paper work and cashing checks wouldnt be very off-grid of him. I bet he would feel like that’s a kind of a communication to the outside and he was very clear he doesn’t want to do that- actually on second thought I think he wouldn’t mind if I brought it to him in cash. I mean he doesn’t believe in worldly possessions like I said but he was a man of principle. How about just send his final check to me and Ill give him cash. That we you can still give him what he’s owed but he doesn’t have to talk to anyone or confirm his whereabouts, which again is something he does not want. That was his main problem, does not want anyone to contact or look for him. I can bring his paycheck to him in cash tho. That’s probably fine. I owe him atleast that much for keeping me fed the last two weeks-Metaphorically speaking of course ! You know how like Deb in accounting is in a way keeping food on our table. Greg’s fine. Great guy. Doesn’t want to be found.
Deb was at his wedding!!! Let’s ask her! Deb, did you get that pull request with Greg completed? He never signed his time card. No thank you. I tried the dip. It was great. But have you heard from him
I didn’t realize they were so close. That’s totally an idea you had. We should discuss it at my place tonight. Just the three of us.
hold on let me finish my pork first
I’m bringing the Twinkie weiner sandwiches.
that’s disgusting
I’ll take six of them
Liver, Fava Beans and Chianti
fava beans are great
Tupperware
I think this is my favorite. Bringing a wad of fast food napkins makes you seem like a lazy bum. Tupperware lets everyone know you’re a cunning mooch.
Surströmming
I actually kinda want to try some and see if it’s really as bad as depicted in all of those youtube videos. If not try then at least get near a can and experience the stench.
I’m sure it’s really bad, and that piques my interest. as I do pretty well with other foods people consider awful, like Durian.
It is mostly a horrible smell.
Should be eaten in small pieces with potato, onion, sourcream in a wrap or on a thin crisp bread. There is a YouTube video of someone showing how to properly eat it.
If you eat a whole one without anything else only a few hardcore fans of it would not gag. That is what gets the views though.
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