I will be turning 30th in the next two months. Not really upset or scared about aging, but Im starting to feel down on myself when my wife, mom and dad ask about what I want for a party.

My wife turned 30 a few months ago and we rented a community center room for a few hours, fed everyone there dinner, hung out and then went out for drinks. That was pretty fine, but I’m dreading my own party.

I’ve lost contact with most of my friends over the last few years, but I try to not let it bother me. I’ll check in with 2 buddies once or twice a year to make sure they are ok and that’s pretty much it.

I am starting to feel like a loser for not having any friends though. I understand people don’t have as much time for friends as they get older, but after my 21st sucked, I tried to set a goal of making my 30th better with people I want to be around. Flash forward 9 years and I have no one to invite besides my immediate family and in laws

I’m trying not to say “truthfully I don’t care” as I wouldn’t make this post if it was true, but I’m leaning that way. Both of my parents just did their 50th and was a huge party both times. My wife had a bunch of people at hers. I am feeling like a loser having no one to ask, and like I’m going to poach my wife’s friend group if I want to fill the roster.

It’s such a weird feeling. I already feel exhausted keeping up with the small group of people I do talk too, but also feel like I failed because of some arbitrary rules/goal I set for myself 9 years ago. I am more than happy with my current life and this really never bothers me besides “landmark” life events. Last time I felt like this was planning my bachelor party when I realized I had no one to do anything with, but just took a weekend trip by myself to walk around a state park for a day or two.

Sorry for the rambling, I just feel off/weird about this whole thing. I don’t really ever feel the need for more friends, but when I have to do milestone events, I realize I’m really lacking in that area. Anyone else in the same boat or was like this before?

  • jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    3·
    3 months ago

    It’s not just you. That pretty much is your thirties. Most of the people I know in their 20’s (at least their early 20’s) are still making a point to hang out. Most of the guys over 60 are playing golf or getting a beer.

    And then there’s my group: the ones who are working at their job all day, working at the endless list of projects around the house in the evenings, and spending the few spare moments they have in between with their family.

    Sometimes I think maybe it would be nice to have more actual friends. But it doesn’t really bother me that I don’t. I’m pretty busy being a husband and a dad and everything in between and I’m happy with where I’m at right now. I know the way things are now is not permanent and nothing is set in stone.

    On another note, the 30’s are good times. My favorite decade so far. Not always fun, but still good.