This will be a little controversial so please keep in mind this is c/nostupidquestions.
I feel like any relationship is, at its core, an agreement. An agreement between two people to spend their time, affection and dedication solely to each other. By virtue of their feelings for each other. This is normal.
However if it were truly up to me. I would just sleep with another girl every day of the week. I honestly don’t really care about spending time with her all that much. In fact, if I’m brutally honest. For me a relationship is a mean to get sex and I guess spending some time with her isn’t all that bad either. I am perfectly willing to stick to one woman. That is no problem to me whatsoever. But is this a healthy way of doing relationships?
A relationship should never be used as a means to have sex. That will only hurt people. And a relationship is so, so much more than just sex.
Honestly, to me it sounds like you don’t really want a (romantic) relationship in the first place. And that’s completely fine. Don’t try to force something on yourself that you don’t want. That will only hurt your partner and disappoint you. It’s completely fine to just want friends with benefits or one night stands (or both, as long as you’re careful). You do you.
any relationship is, at its core, an agreement.
This is true.
An agreement between two people to spend their time, affection and dedication solely to each other.
This doesn’t have to be. You can agree to something different. Lots of people do. Just be honest about what you want.
I can’t imagine being the sole focus of my SO’s time and affection. That sounds exhausting. And what about family?
I think they meant it as no other partners, not no other kinds of relationships whatsoever.
You’ve really got to pay attention to the wording on these binding agreements.
It is exhausting. I’ve been in a relationship where my partner had no one but me. I don’t consider myself super outgoing but I have plenty of friends that I enjoy spending time with. I like playing music on the weekends. I like going to do things, sometimes last minute. I got fat and depressed because she just wanted to sit at home and for me to sit home with her.
It soured me on relationships for a bit. The next one was the opposite. She wanted to be out every night and didn’t understand I had to work. She never ever wanted to just hang at the house. It was also exhausting.
I’m open to a relationship if the person has similar patterns or doesn’t want me next to them 24/7. I can handle if they’re an independent person, but currently everything feels like either far too much or far too little so I’ve been doing my own thing for a while. I’ve got someone that I’m casual with. It’s perfect for now.
I’m in the same boat. Being someone’s entire universe is horrible. From now on I require a partner to be passionate about at least two hobbies and have some damn friends!
As for OP, poly/open relationships are a thing.
A relationship is more than just a promise or commitment. A relationship is a chance for both participants to grow and challenge each other, while also supporting each other. It also makes your domestic life easier, as each partner only does have the work (in a slightly larger quantity). Relationships are not transactional. Each person gives when they have capacity, and each person receives when they don’t. Strengths and weaknesses cancel out and both are better off together.
It sounds like you’re not currently interested in a relationship. Probably best to be up front about that with your candidates.
It can be a healthy way to have a relationship as long as you’re honest with your partners. Don’t promise them the moon and eternal love. Don’t lie about your intentions. Keep up with STD testing and use protection obviously.
There are people out there looking for friends with benefits and are happy to find a regular partner who respects consent, takes feedback and is a known quantity. There are also aromantic people out there who are happy to have a purely physical relationship. There’s someone for everyone. Finding that kind of relationship might have its challenges but the internet helps with that at least.
Sounds like you value alone time and independence but also want some sex - even just casual sex. Honestly, I don’t see a problem with that on the surface; just because the norm is committed, heterosexual, monogamous, cisgender, same-race relationships doesn’t mean everyone has to follow that, so long as your boundaries (and theirs) are clear and agreed upon with anyone you get involved with. You may have a hard time finding someone looking for something similar, but that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong - just different.
The one thing I’d watch for is making sure you don’t see women as a source of sex and that’s it. Not saying you would, but what you describe COULD be a starting point for that kind of mentality, which is not a good place to be.
A relationship will always involve compromise on the details and day to day stuff, but the relationship itself should not feel like a compromise. From the way you are describing it, a relationship is not what you are looking for because a relationship is all of the things other than just the sex that you are interested in.
It really sounds like you want the sex without the effort.
I’ve been polyamorous (multiple romantic and sexual partners) for over 25 years, has worked great for me.
Don’t they call what you’re looking for “situationships” nowadays?
And if that’s what you want, just be honest about it. The last thing anybody wants is to feel used or to be led on.
Be you, be honest, and be safe!
Look for a FWB or poly thing.
Relationship doesn’t mean sex.
You can have sex in a relationship, but it’s for you to have a companion, which to not want.There are a whole spectrum of nonmonogamous types of relationships out there. Any relationship will have it’s compromise, but what those compromises are is entirely based on you and your partner or partners.
I think either can be healthy as long as all parties are happy/agreeing to it.
And informed, of course.
Well I told her I’m really hands off when it comes to relationships. And she is fine with that. I didn’t tell her I actually just use relationships for sex. (FYI, the reason I do that is because I can only seem to get relationships and never a fling. But I always tell them I am looking for something loose)
