• Donnywholovedbowling@lemmy.world
    4·
    10 months ago

    This reads like a copypasta, reminds me of this classic

    Own a musket for home defense, since that’s what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. “What the devil?” As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he’s dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it’s smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, “Tally ho lads” the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

  • Lenny@lemmy.world
    3·
    10 months ago

    So about two hours ago, and this is true, two people came onto my property, uninvited, which is unbelievable, and they tried to take my very powerful, very beautiful gas-powered vehicle. And I said to myself, I said, ‘We’re not going to let that happen.’ My incredible mate, very smart, sees them and calls out to me. I’m where I keep my shoes, very good shoes, by the way, and I see this golf cart, this crazy golf cart, speeding away from the beautiful homes that I, by the way, have done an amazing job in building. I ran, I got my keys – very important, the keys – and I started my vehicle. I chased them, folks, I really did, like nobody has ever chased anyone before.

    And they were driving through the neighborhood – which is a fantastic neighborhood, by the way, lots of good people there – and they crashed into the mailbox, which is a disaster, a total disaster. But they ran into the woods, and people couldn’t believe it. They asked me, ‘Did you call the police?’ And I said, ‘No, why would I call the police?’ Because there’s no trade happening, no commerce, it was just about respect, respect for property.

    And you know, I don’t need to rely on anyone for security. I’ve got a Second Amendment right, and I’ve got a gun – a very big, very powerful gun that’s loaded and ready, because that’s how you keep safe. And I’m telling you, I’m very smart, very mentally strong, and we’re living in tough times, folks, tough times with desperate people. And I live in Virginia, a beautiful place, Reston, Virginia, with lots of houses, not like the places I used to live, not at all. So we’ve got to be smart, we’ve got to be vigilant, and we’ve got to travel light. That’s what I do, and that’s what we all should do. Thank you.

  • Fridgeratr@lemmy.world
    3·
    10 months ago

    Do they think that using these weird, annoying synonyms makes them sound smart, or provides them some legal protection? Reading this caused me pain

    • body_by_make@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      3·
      10 months ago

      They’re trying very hard to avoid language that sovcits believe ties them to their actions. You can definitely see it when they’re talking about their car. This is either a very good troll or a deeply troubled sovcit.

      • kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world
        1·
        10 months ago

        'I was not operating a vehicle. I was not driving. I was traveling. So I’m not required to have a driver’s licensee. Don’t you know the laws you’re meant to enforce? Read the Articles of the Confederacy, you pleebs!" - a “free” citizen from the back seat of a police cruiser

  • Bahnd Rollard@lemmy.world
    2·
    10 months ago

    Reston VA is a very odd place. Its a suburb of Washington DC and was an old planned community from the 1970s. Lots of HOAs, community planning initiatives and other civil boards for all sorts of things. This town is anathema to the concept of sovereign citizens.

  • Rentlar@lemmy.ca
    1·
    10 months ago

    This reads like those alien comics describing human activities.

    E: Ah, it was Nathan Pyle’s Strange Planet