My dad tells this story of how he met my mom…and he thinks it’s supposed to be endearing. It just comes off as cringeworthy to me.
Essentially my dad went to a bar. Started talking to a drunk woman, and then he left. Got to his car, realized he didn’t have his car keys, and realized they must have been on the tray when he threw out his garbage/food reminants.
So he goes back into the bar, digs around in their garbage until he finds his keys, makes out with my mom, and they spend the night drinking together. Then he drives them to his house drunk, and that’s how he met my mom.
Now I don’t know if that’s the night I was concieved. They did stay together for another 6 years. They got married. But the implication seems to be that I was the result of a bar hookup because my dad is an idiot and threw away his car keys. Then my mom was somehow turned on by the sight of a man digging through the trash, that she starts making out with him.
And based on my dads age, and my age, I can conclude he was 35 years old when I was born. Which means this story likely took place when he was 34.
My mom has never told me her version of the story, and likes to pretend history never happened. She recently told me she never liked Phil Hartman, which I know for a fact isn’t true because I can remember her enjoying him not only on NewsRadio, but also when I was a kid and watching Pee Wee’s Playhouse. Then to hear her a few weeks ago say she never liked him makes me question anything she says about the past. So I wouldn’t even trust her version of the events. Not that she’s exactly willing to tell them anyways.
I’m 41 now, and hate being alive every single day. Every once in a while I think about how I wouldn’t exist if my dad were just not an idiot that one night. Just ONE NIGHT for him to be a well functioning human, and he doesn’t throw away his keys. I never get born, and how much better that would be for everybody. It just frustrates me that something SO SIMPLE could have saved me 41 years of daily agony. And then people wonder why I don’t want kids.
gestures to the entire world
THAT’S WHY.
Does anyone else feel this way?
I feel similar but I wouldn’t say I particularly hate my parents.
I was an accident and honestly if anything I’m very frustrated that the only reason I was born was that my grandmother is super religious and refused to even entertain the idea of an abortion, hell she’s even responsible for my name (again from the fucking goddamn Bible. For me that’s ironic since I loath most organized religion.) but my parents in no way should have gotten together. I think my mom was just attractive and my dad is a pig for sex (I recognize some of that in myself so I guess I got that from him… Thanks…)
As others have mentioned it’s not so much that the entirety of all 38 years of my life sucked, but for me I have a distinct memory at 11 years old of having this feeling that something wanted me to kill myself because it just kept “poking” at me, making life miserable in various ways. I gave the sky the finger and said “fuck you I’m not doing that” simply out of spite of whatever it was. (I don’t believe anything like that now). So I have to imagine childhood wasn’t as bad although I did have to live through 2 stepfathers that both wished I didn’t exist probably as much as I do.
Anxiety runs rampant through my father’s side of the family and I’ve definitely been depressed for the entirety of my teenage and adult life. The world wouldn’t be affected by my passing, but I sure as hell would love to hit the “off button” as well. All that said, if women even found me worthy, I would never want to pass these absolute garbage genes on to anyone. That should be a crime thats how shitty they are (except my immune system, that seems pretty ok lol)