I’ve done my best to disable all emergency alerts on my mobile device with the stock OS. Time will tell I suppose.

Edit: ah balls, you’re right. Android says the ‘national alert’ category can’t be turned off.

My phone is usually dead, misplaced, or the volume is at 0%. So I would probably crack a beer and stand on the porch wondering why the neighbors are freaking out.

Probably some old teletype machines and a few private keys.