Borat voice my wiiiiiiiife

Forget about what’s normal for getting over a fight. You know what’s not normal? Getting into a screaming match with your partner every month.

I really can’t stress enough, that’s not ok. Not a healthy relationship, not a safe environment for your children, and not a good example for them to follow in the future.

You need couple’s counselling ASAP because this pattern has to stop.

Completely disagree, but upvoted for having a well-argued, unpopular opinion which is kind of the point of this thread!

Cinephile is another common term.

“You’ll feel better in the morning.”

I get a lot of intrusive, negative, catastrophising thoughts late at night. Worrying about things I would never worry about during daylight.

I always try to tell myself: don’t think about this stuff right now, it’s not helpful. Put it aside and if it still feels important in the morning then you can do something about it. Fixating on it right now serves no useful purpose.

It can be hard. Honestly I got pretty lucky in that I was able to find lots of good people through work. There are good and bad parts to the industry I work in, I got hired by a company with a really strong culture that matched what I was looking for. So I was surrounded by a ton of people with similar values and overlapping interests.

Without that, I think mostly it’s about trial and error. If you’re struggling to find the right people, you need to be brave enough to keep putting yourself out there, and to walk away from groups that just aren’t a good match. Like I said, not easy!

Lol yep I’m 34 and also just recently diagnosed with inattentive ADHD. Hence being very aware of different communication styles.

Bit of a left field suggestion but one thing that really helps is finding your people.

In my younger years I sometimes really struggled with casual conversation, I often felt like I was the weird guy who had nothing to say.

It turned out that was only really true when I was spending a lot of time with people with whom I had very little in common. As I got older I eventually found “my people”. Friends who I click with, who I share values and interests with, who communicate similarly to me.

It’s not about finding people who are just copies of you, that would be pretty boring and make for a real social echo chamber. You want a range of friends with different interests, from different walks of life. But you want them to be, for lack of a better term “compatible” with you.

If you happen to be neurodivergent then that adds a whooooole extra layer of complexity to conversational compatibility. There’s a stereotype that autistic people are awkward or socially inept, which is complete rubbish. They just communicate differently to neurotypicals. Put a bunch of similar autistic people in a room together and watch them have no trouble at all making conversation with each other, in their own style.

Anyway, maybe this isn’t relevant to you, and you’re already happy with the people in your life. But it’s worth taking the time to examine whether the reason you struggle to make conversation is because you’re trying to make it with the wrong people.