I hope it was painful

Last I checked, “rights” now means “my right to control you”

That was when I first noticed that word being abused so egregiously. I wouldn’t be surprised if it started before that.

25 years ago, the day I stopped watching TV news- the dramatic talking head told me that terrorists had attacked a US military base in Afganistan.

Malcom in the middle did it

You can call your cat anything you want, they still won’t come.

Owning real estate. Similar to being a “qualified investor” today

They dont- you can sign up for all evening classes if you want

They aren’t confessing, they’re bragging

Just put the fucking paint on the wall and get paid.

Why did you push this spaghetti to production?

Cocain said it was a good idea!

How come

Spoiler alert!

Parasol

So this really is Obama’s fault?

Your first stop would be a bankruptcy lawyer.

Reading to a baby is about exposing them to different words and patterns than what you get from normal speech.

If you want my advice, talk to them constantly as if you are the narrator, and smile and make eye contact at every opportunity.

Not sure if this applies before birth. It couldnt hurt, so I suggest reading whatever you like to read. And make sure its something that the mother wants to hear, assuming you arent her.

Paint.

Been saying this for a year now