Goodness, me neither, I’d hate that. It wouldn’t be my insurance info that I’m pulling up, but stuff like medication that I’m taking that might be relevant for first responders to know or emergency contact information (I presume they’d ask for these things if I’m conveniently conscious).

I did chuckle at the notion but honestly, I have information stored on my phone that would come in handy in this situation. So yeah, I’d be on my phone, pulling up documents.

This comes to us from a distant past when people were “known on the net” as Acid Burn or Neo.

I’m having déjà vu.

At uni, a teacher of mine once wrote on the blackboard:

Paris in the
the spring

and then had a bunch of people read it out loud. I didn’t get to read it out but the entire time this was going on I was sitting there, questioning my sanity because none of the people chosen to read seemed to notice the second “the”.

That said, I’ve had a few glasses so fuck you.

You need to find ways to convey your intended tone of voice, that’s just the way it is. You could add a smiley. Even “Cool!” already looks a lot more enthusiastic than a dry “Cool.” with a full stop.

Does it hurt you or anyone? No? Carry on.

Okay but that’s because you haven’t experienced it. It’s not something you consciously control, it’s an automatic process that your brain triggers for you in that particular situation. You currently lack the chemicals to feel that way because there’s no kid to feel that way about for you. Which is fine. Just accept that it’s outside of your frame of reference.

I can’t imagine not wanting to draw all day. How does that work? Why wouldn’t you want to do nothing but draw? So weird how people choose to do other things instead.

I am uncertain why nobody has said this but here goes.

The brain is very good at recognising babies and making you like them, especially if it considers them yours. An important part of pregnancy and giving birth is that the mother’s brain produces hormones that make her attached to the kid. That’s to make sure she doesn’t just abandon the little shit the second it starts being annoying. This also includes the father, if he’s involved with the process, albeit probably to a slightly lesser degree because it’s by proxy. To them, that kid isn’t “new” but, as it were, has been around for several months already.

That’s why you’re coming across as absurdly weird saying that parents can’t have formed an emotional attachment with their newborn.

Edit: I said “she” for mothers and “he” for fathers but any pronouns apply of course.

Are we having the same conversation?

That’s a different question.

If it turned out that Newton had a thing for kids, would you advocate for throwing out his laws?

Vegetables.

But why would that be necessary as an explanation? We also invented all our shit, why wouldn’t they have done the same? I get that it’s a fun concept but as far as I can see nothing in the story even remotely suggests it.

there has to be a slot between the two wings while they aren’t “streched”

Uh. Um. Your mum has to have a slot.

I don’t understand what you’re saying because I’m not a NERRRRRD* and you’re AGAIN questioning my primary school teacher and you’re using a lot of numbers like a NERRRRD so I shall disregard any further comments concerning the topic of the width and height of German blackboards.

There. You happy? This should help you divide 200 cm (2 metres, the width of the middle part) by the number of letters in Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz.

Typo writing Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz

If you can’t take this seriously for even one second and follow basic German Rechtschreiberegeln, you don’t deserve any answers.

Are you… are you putting the word of my primary school teacher into question? How DARE you?!

Just the green. This is special German engineering high-tech space material whose name I absolutely do know but am not at liberty to divulge and that doesn’t expand (i.e. I’ve never experienced a blackboard being warmer than slightly cool to the touch).

Okay, so, right, okay. Um. In German schools (and probably some other countries…?), many many years ago (possibly still today? or maybe it’s all digital now? what am I saying, this is German schools), the blackboard in every classroom was a large, green, rectangular middle part and two square “wings”, one on each side (as wings are wont to be…). They can swing in and out, providing extra room for writing on the outer side of the wings. Also for extracurricular shenanigans such as writing “[name] + [name] = SEX” in the middle, swinging the wings closed to hide the writing and then breaking out into hysterics when the teacher opens the blackboard to reveal your incredibly highbrow joke.

This type of blackboard is quintessential to my recollections about and concept of school.

Why am I going into such unnecessary detail about this? I have ADHD and possibly autism, I need you to understand what I’m saying and I can’t find any sources of this existing in the English speaking world and I can’t find an English word for those “wings” either. I can barely find a German one (“Tafelflügel”? I don’t think it’s ever come up before in my life).

So here’s a picture:

The width/height of the “wings” and the height of the middle part, that’s a metre. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.