I’ve got no problem with them, but these are obviously kids who grew up in a different age than me, and it shows, I know what could seem a joke to me could come off different to them. Especially this being In the trades and the type of jokes we make here. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, we’re all trying to just get through the day after all
Edit: I have learned, they used to be female, transitioned to male. (So trans-masc? I’m probably messing that up) Lesbian, and non-binary, thankfully they brought it up which was very helpful as I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to ask
Just start saying ‘they’ for everyone that’s work related. No matter on LGBT status.
Makes it easier to not fuck up.
I already do this with because of how many people I know and work with that have names not exclusively used by men or women.
I work with enough foreigners that I almost HAVE to do this since I rarely see them face to face and have no real indicators aside from their name. If your name is 20 characters long and 18 of them are consonants, I’m gonna use “they” at work, just to avoid any undue offense. So far, if someone had a problem with me it was because of my employer, not my own words or behavior.
As a trans person, no, do not do this. This is known as degendering people. It shows a total disregard for putting forth any effort to understand or respect others. We always know when people do this because it is still misgendering when you know their pronouns are not they/them.
https://lgbtq.ucsf.edu/pronouns-101
It feels gross, it’s not a viable solution.
If you’re going to take people’s honest attempts at being polite as an attack, you’re going to have a bad life.
Victim blaming and belittling other people’s problems is also lame, try not to do that, either.
“Ow this hurts me please stop”
“If you take this as an attack, you’re dumb and will be miserable, so just don’t”
Edit: that being said, if it’s an honest attempt, that’s chill af. But you can never really tell anybody’s motives, so here’s this advice on what to do instead(see above article). ‘The path to hell is paved with good intentions’, etc.
I’m gonna assume you mean well, but can you see where it’s probably better to just learn and respect somebody’s pronouns? I don’t think it’s that tough, is it? Like if you really don’t know, just ask. Using they/them is fine in that meantime 👍 but like learning somebody’s name, you should probably put some effort in at some point.
You really put words in my mouth and seem to be a very negative human being.
I’m sorry, let’s start over.
Hi, what’s up?
No thanks
Did I do something to insult you?
I think where you’re messing up is making the assumption that the person will stick with “they” even after learning pronouns. Defaulting to they when a person doesn’t know is just the smart, respectful play. As long as the person makes an honest effort to use the correct pronoun when corrected, that’s all that can be asked.
Being respectful is definitely the heart of it. I think it’s important to make a show of goodwill and listen even if you accidentally fuck stuff up. We’re all human and make mistakes, and like you say, it’s the honest effort that makes all the difference and is all that’s ever really asked.