I thought I wanted to study piano, which means at least a bachelor. To this end I started saving and 6 months ago spent $40K on a small grand piano that I only play sometimes. I always relied on school and church pianos to play, but these are old, overplayed, cannot be properly tuned (old), the sound is awful and the mechanic too hard. Now at least I have my own grand.
The next logical step would be to stop working full time, work 20 to 30 hours a week to free time to practice, hire a teacher to prepare repertoire and music theory for a year, pass an admission exam, keep working part time and studying piano, end the bachelor, then rethink my life.
But I’m blocked: I’m scared of wasting money (teachers for instrument and music theory would cost at least $4.5K for the whole year, 2 hours each week).
I’m also not really sure I want to work part time: I’d earn half what I do now and while it would still be enough to cover my monthly costs, I’ve grown used to sleep, go to work, work, buy groceries, go back home, cook, eat and relax. I’ve grown lazy and sometimes don’t recognize myself.
The easy way here would be to forget about studying piano, play my instrument exclusively as a hobby, keep working full time a job I’m not passionate about but it’s solid and pays my bills and that would be it. I’m also in a union, so I’d have to do something outrageous to be fired.
But I sometimes hate myself for being so lazy and wonder, how come I cannot step out of this rut?
It’s not a rut to choose a reliable well paid union job over the slim chance of success in a niche art field. That’s common sense. That’s the dream, for many folks.
You’re allowed to feel good about choosing stability and comfort over a high risk plan. You’re also allowed to feel angry that circumstances aren’t letting you follow your dreams more fully. Those are both reasonable feelings.
I feel both of those ways, most days. If things were a little different, I could be living a very different life. Whatever. I choose to meditate on thankfulness for where I am.
I wouldn’t throw away a solid balanced union job life to pursue a career that isn’t going to leave me much time for anything else in life. I explicitly chose not to.
And yeah, I’ve had to make peace with not doing some of the things I would have done in that life. I’ve also done a brunch of things I couldn’t have done it I had pursued that life.
As Dave Ramsey says, “pull that boat closer to the dock before you step off, or you’re going to get dunked in the water”.
By which he means, you can pursue both, and let the better career win. Right now, playing the piano is losing. That’s not a huge shock in the age of digital recordings and abusive record company monopolies.
You can get great at piano in your free time. I know many people who have done so.
I am someone does do their passion as a day job - it made my passion substantially less fun. And I’m still not doing my passion exactly the way my heart wants to, because I have no remaining energy for that after I finish my day job. At the end of the day, any job is still just a job.
Hang in there. If you feel like you’re not playing piano enough, by all means, play more.
But please don’t fall for the trap of believing your passion has to become your day job.
We all need some way to make a living, and we should all pursue our passions. And on the best days we do both on as close to our own terms as possible.
I hope you dont let guilt (or even me!) tell you how often to play your piano, or who for.