During a visit to lobby legislators on transgender issues, Senator Carden Summers ® knelt down and told a child he would protect her. When he learned she was trans, he backed away.
On Feb. 6, a group of families met to lobby senators on issues affecting the local transgender community in Georgia. One mother, Lena Kotler, decided to take her two children with her to give the topic a human face. While waiting to meet with Democratic Sen. Kim Jackson, who they had heard was a big supporter of LGBTQ+ rights, another senator passed by — Republican Sen. Carden Summers, the primary sponsor of the state’s bathroom ban bill. Little did he know that one of the children he would be interacting with, Aleix, 8 years old, was a transgender child.
According to Kotler and other families who were present, the senator stopped to say hello. That’s when Kotler spoke to Senator Summers about how she was there with her kids to “talk to legislators about keeping her kids safe.” Although she did not mention that one of her children was trans, they were present with LGBTQ+ signage - something the Senator apparently missed when he knelt down in front of Aleix and said, according to Kotler, “Well you know, we’re working on that and I’m going to protect kids like you.”
Kotler then replied, “Yeah - Alex is trans, and she wants to be safe at school, she wants to go to the bathroom and be safe.”
That is when, according to multiple witnesses, Sen. Summers stood up and fumbled his words, repeating, “I mean, yeah, I’m going to make sure she’s safe by going to the right bathroom,” continuing to use the correct pronouns for Aleix. When asked if he would make her go to a boy’s bathroom, he then allegedly backed away, saying, “You’re attacking me,” turned around, and walked off quickly.
At 8 years old… Does she actually know if she’s trans or did the mother tell her she was?
full disclosure: I’m trans - my story at the end.
It doesn’t really work that way… if she was told “you’re trans” and wasn’t, she would experience the opposite type of gender dysphoria over time and would want to express masculine/boy identity in line with her birth gender and physical traits.
She’s young enough that it’s not infeasible she might change her mind. Ideally she has been to a licensed therapist and/or psychologist who verified she met the latest DSM diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria (the only successful treatment for which involves transition), and they are helping the parent manage this process. They’ll be in no hurry for medical intervention since puberty would be 4-5 years away most likely.
That being said, if you meet enough trans people, it’s not uncommon to hear stories about “knowing since I was 4”. Oftentimes it’s accompanied by a regret that their feelings were suppressed and they had to go through the torments of puberty “in the wrong body” as it were.
My own story is different. I didn’t “know” until my thirties, even if I can see signs going back to childhood in retrospect. Apparently at three years old I told my mom “I’m a butterfly and I’m going to be a girl”. She never told me that, I found out after she died last year, looking through her old notes. She assumed I meant reincarnation. Ironic considering I have adopted a butterfly metaphor to express my transition to a woman.
Anyway, yes, an eight year old can absolutely tell adults they are a different gender than they were assigned at birth. Whether they literally say “I’m trans” is kinda beside the point.
Thank you for explaining things without jumping down my neck right off the bat; it’s very appreciated (and hard to come by nowadays).
I guess because I personally never thought of those things as a kid that I can’t picture an 8, (or 4) year old, that would worry (or even think) about that issue at such a young age.
It’s why people argue too much over religion, and personal experiences; just because it didn’t happen to you, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
Oh hey, I have also met many cisgender folks like yourself. And yes, you have literally no reason to think about gender, because it aligns with your body, your hormones, and your life experience. It “just fits”. If you can imagine, that sensation is exactly how it feels for me to be transitioning now – a welcome change from despair :)
That’s great to hear; I’m glad you finally feel like you belong in your own body and can live a happier life :)
Thanks for the candid response. I appreciate the honest discussion.
I think the mistake parents might make is take this super seriously and start hovering on the issue (either validating or opposing), instead of letting the children grow naturally.
Well, it doesn’t take long before a child needs to use a multi-occupant bathroom… so which do you suggest the child in the story to use? Or they participate in some other gender-segregated activity, like sports. A choice has to be made.
Little Bobby says he is a boy, but the school won’t let him in the boy’s bathroom. Little Alice says she’s a girl, but she isn’t allowed to join the girl’s soccer team.
You see it’s not really possible to grow naturally when half of US states try to dictate which bathroom a child uses based on psuedoscience and definitions that erase gender completely.
But yes, of course, unrelated to the story there are many mistakes a parent could make. Honestly though if I have a child, and the state decides to bully my child for political-religious agendas, yeah that’s a hill I’m going to die on
This reads as transphobic, but I’m going to leave it up for two reasons:
I’m not trans myself, but my son is, and he explains how he felt something like this…
Imagine you’re a pretty average boy, and interested in stereotypical boy things. You like boy clothes, you want to hang out with your friends who are boys, you look forward to growing muscles and a mustache when you’re old enough, etc.
Now imagine that at the same time, all your clothes are girl clothes, your name is girly, and everyone around you thinks you’re a girl.
That wouldn’t match up, would it. It would feel incongruous and wrong.
If you’re cisgender, you can absolutely prove you’re a boy to everyone’s satisfaction, and you’re unlikely to get dressed in the wrong clothes or given a mismatched name in the first place. So you probably don’t ever have to think about your gender and whether it’s being expressed by your body incorrectly.
But for trans people, it’s not uncommon for them to become acutely aware of gender when they’re young in ways that their cisgender counterparts don’t, precisely because of the mismatch.
That’s how it was for my son. He didn’t figure out he was trans until he was around thirteen, but he knew something wasn’t right long before then.