Dude… Go get screened for heart problems right away. You know you have a high likelihood of issues with your heart, so if you tackle them now instead of when they become serious, you up your odds of outliving your grandparents considerably.

Hmmm. If 10 is average and 30 is world-class…

• Strength: 13. I’m a big and fairly muscular guy who goes to the gym regularly.
• Dexterity: 10 (+1). I’m not clumsy, but I’m no gymnast, either. Strictly average, all things considered. I give myself one bonus point on account of being ambidextrous.
• Constitution : 12. Again, regular at the gym. Should probably do more cardio, though.
• Intelligence: 15. I’m a software developer, I’m working on being bilingual, and I have a lot of varied interests. You’ll also note that I can spell and use punctuation properly, which is sadly outside the norm. I’m not bragging, I know I’m well above average in intelligence.
• Wisdom: 10. I’m not the stereotype of a book-smart-but-foolish person, but I’m also smart enough to know I’m not winning any hypothetical wisdom awards. I’ve made average amounts of boneheaded mistakes.
• Charisma: 12 (+1). I’m a better-than-average public speaker, and I have it on good authority (my wife) that I’m reasonably handsome. I also get the (completely unfair) tallness modifier.

All in all, my D&D stats would be pretty decent. Nothing anywhere near the peak of human potential, but not bad.

So, uhhh, just put of curiosity, any particular add-ons you’d suggest?

invested in his crypto scheme bribed him

Fixed that.

Okay, at first I literally did think this was an Onion headline, it’s so fucking idiotic.

Unlike a lot of people, I think the orange shit-head is more evil than stupid… But goddamn, he’s also incredibly stupid.

The fire nation attacks!

We’re pretty stupid over here right now. Sorry, world.

The Alex Jones one actually gave me a good “That’s pretty Onion-y” hit.

Yes, but if you report them, I find them faster.

And people will fall for it. Again.

Jesus fucking Christ I hate this timeline.

That’s actually really shocking. I looked it up, and you’re correct. Hijackings were extremely common in the 60s and 70s.

https://www.columbiatribune.com/story/news/columns/2023/07/02/miller-airplane-hijackings-during-the-late-60s-and-early-70s/70365468007/

Family of four. We probably go through 10 to-12 eggs a day much of the time. Scrambled eggs, French toast, homemade bread, cookies, pancakes, frittatas, huevos rancheros tacos… It adds up. I recently started buying the 18-egg packs because it’s more cost-effective.

Looks like that was a mistake and he removed the “gay” reference. Not sure what he actually intended to write, though.

9.5 out of 10. In his dick.

Has anyone asked him why he wants to live forever if that’s what it takes?

I looked at the GDP, both nominal and per capita, for both countries. North Korea’s is nowhere near Haiti’s. North Korea is not wealthier.

I worry about the people who need to be told things like this. How did they survive childhood without signs warning them not to breathe water or drink the contents of thermometers?

Something about packing heat, too.

Finally, some quality content!